My Gay Teen Life-Love, Boys, and More!

Im 23!

2011-02-17T22:22:00.001-08:00

Well not really but thats what my new ID says. So now I can go out and drink with my friends at bars and shit lol Before all my co-workers were inviting me out and I could never go out with them. So now I have a fake!

So yah. School is going great. Its super easy. I'm starting to procrastinate but nothing to bad. Im not getting sleep ever other then the 4 hour naps I'm taking every other night. My work schedule is starting to dwindle down to 32 hours a week with the 3 days I have off for work. I'm starting to grown with the company and getting more involved with different things. I'm joining different teams and such. It's exciting to see whats going on in my life!

My parents are starting to get on my last nerve though. They still have full control over what I do even though they pretend to let me do what I want. For example... I'm young. If I want to go out till 3am and then go to school at 8am the next day then thats my choice. As long as I have all my work done and can still participate fully in the class. Not that I'm doing that every day. Maybe once a week.

So other then that nothing is really going on... Friends wise im loosing them left and right haha. I guess my work friends are my work friends. Real life friends are starting to part ways... I have no crushes... or better yet no one to have a crush on.

There is a club thing tomorrow but again... I have work till midnight and it ends at 2am. Maybe i'll try to make it out there after work. It's a celebration for my friends birthday. I'm not sure what day it is but hey.

My actual 19th birthday is on the 27th. I don't think im going to celebrate it. Idk... Just not really into it all...

Wow its been a while... sorry.

2011-01-24T10:01:00.000-08:00

Work has consumed my life. I think I went out one night since new years. So not much to say about that. I went out to a gay bar and it was fun.

I just started school today. I actually just got done with my first class. It was BUS 101. Pretty easy class and I think I really will enjoy the way my professor teaches. Here is the classes Im taking:

BUS 101

COM 101

ENG 101

Math 120

I was going to take philosophy but the class was full and the other ones didnt fit my schedule. All my classes are split into 2 classes a week and hour and 20 min each. The other 5 days a week I have work and I took one day off in between the two days of school to do homework and such. I'm excited! My next class is actually in a little less then an hour. Its right by my house so I might walk to it but I also need to go return something first so there is no real point to drive there then home and then walk. I will start walking when it gets a little nicer out though for sure!!

Other then that work has been AMAZING. Every day is a new experience and I love that I can totally say I LOVE going into work and im passionate about my company. =p

Ill try to blog more often. I actually have hours off in between classes so maybe I'll have some downtime and be able to actually write here.

My New Year Resolutions!

2011-01-01T21:11:00.000-08:00

OMG! It was insane. The last 48hours of my life made me feel like a rockstar in my own music video. It is ridiculous how awesome this blog is going to be. Except I'm running on no sleep and would love to get some. So I will write the story up tomorrow.

For now...

This past year a LOT has happened. Most of my blog consisted in 2010 so in that sense, yay, I dont have to repeat myself. As a quick summary for the people that haven't been along for the entire (fantabulus?!) ride! I went to my first PRIDE in 2010. I got to go to Israel this summer. Still no boyfriend. Got laid 6 times. Went to LA with friends and realized who my real friends really are. I turned 18! I graduated high school!! I visited my friends in college. I got to go to NEW YORK!! I got hired at Apple. MUCH MORE... (read the posts lol)

So what do I want out of this year?!

1) I want to move up in the company I work for. I'm not saying become a manager in a year. Just a move.

2) I want to move out of my parents house and live on my own.

3) I want to build my credit.

4) I want to film at least one short film.

5) Meet new people and make new friendships.

6) Grow as a person, friend, and family member.

7) Learn something new. Whether that is a skill, instrument, or language, I want to learn something new.

8) I want to loose 20 pounds and start exercising on a regular schedule.

9) I want to get all A's in my classes at school.

10) I want to have fun.

I could think of many more but those are the one's that are important or stand out to me at this time. So what are your resolutions?!? What do you think of mine. Oh and are you excited for my real life new years eve experience to be told tomorrow?!? haha

Gay Club. Number's and Friends.

2010-12-22T12:00:00.000-08:00

I've been so busy lately. I actually went out the night I posted the last blog. I went to this gay club on the strip. It was so much fun! I got to dance my ass off and was sweating so much but it was worth it. By the end of the night this guy gave me his number and told me he thought I was cute and to "text him" what ever happened to the iconic "call me" line. Kid's these days. lol Well I did text him but to tell you the truth is that if he doesn't make a move nothing is going to happen. I'm not in the mood for a boyfriend right now. I'm just going to be single for now. As far as a friend. Sure! but I'm also not really in the mood for friends right now. lol

You see, I have been working a lot and I love it. My job is really the best one I could ask for in this part of my life. The people that work with my are AMAZING! They are nice and funny and smart. Which is great. Like I said before. It's a fun job and I love it. One of those where I'm pushing myself to get better and better with each day. So far I have been balancing that work/friend thing pretty well. Which means that when I start school soon I will need to juggle work/school and kick out my friends. Which is ok, I'll make do. Education is important to me.

I just woke up from a bad dream a couple hours ago. It was with the girl from the LA trip. For whatever reason she was in it. Her face, her voice, her attitude, and her in general. It sickened me. I wasn't mad that my other friend had "set me up" in the dream so that she would show up. I wasn't hurt like I felt after the trip. It was more of a feeling of disgust. Like she disgusted me. As if someone who killed someone just walked in the room and started high 5'ing people about it. I was repulsed by her presence in my dream. So I woke up and my first thought is "why am I thinking about her" and my second was "because im hanging out with my other friends that hang out with her." Since Lesbian has been in town there has been mentions of the girl in my dream left and right. I really had forgotten about her existence until that point. I didn't care about what has happened to her or if she was still alive. So it's bothering me know that she is now taking over my dream.

So what do I do? First thought was, I need to cut people out more. I love lesbian but if hanging out with her is doing me harm then I need to prioritize my time with her more. Second thought was, fuck people, I just want to be isolated today. You see, I was supposed to hang out with lesbian today. I'm not feeling up to it though. I'm in a pretty off mood after this whole morning. I'm just going to sit in bed all day and watch tv. I'm not in any mood to deal with this bullshit.

As far as moving out of my parents house. It's still happening. I have enough to live ok. I have to budget myself a little but I can make do. It's $500 rent which is good. I'm going to be living with a co-worker that works at a separate store then mine. He is a really cool guy and we have a blast hanging out the few times before and after work that we did. So I'm excited about it all going down. As far as I know now, its still a month or so away from happening. I need to save some more money first. Which is ok with me.

Rekindling Friendships and Making New One's

2010-12-17T12:44:00.000-08:00

Graduating high school does a lot to you. You grow up a lot. I grew up even more working in the "real world" and earning "real money" and paying my "bills." Not saying that I'm mature and can handle every situation. I know that there are things that I depend on my parents to help me with still. I also know that I have matured more then I expected. All the people that used to "matter in high school" really don't matter now. All of this bullshit seem's to go away. The phrase "it gets better" is REAL. People who were once popular are know just being called fucking annoying. So when you get together with friend from high school that are now in college its funny to see how we have all changed. How people are relaxed and not super annoying. Or how immature and stupid they still are haha

That being said I have been hanging out with a ton of friends from high school that I haven't seen in a while. It is so much fun seeing that these people are so chill now. Some I am sure are fucking annoying still but I'm not hanging around them... and I dont want to find out if they are haha

I actually starting talking to one of my old best friends. Me and him where really close friends back in sophomore year of high school and then we went our separate ways because some shit went down. We hung out yesterday and the night before and I really noticed how much fun it was to have him around. Like he is so chill and I forgot how much I missed him as a friend. So I'm glad we are getting to hang out again. He is moving back to vegas so we will be hanging out together more often im sure. =p

Yesterday I went shopping with that friend, lesbian, her lesbian friend, and a new friend of mine. lol We all went to the new H&M that opened up here and then ate some food. I got these really sexy funny underwear. They look like jean short shorts but they are underwear. lol It's pretty funny. I also got a new shirt for tonight. We are going to the gay club thing. I'm really excited. =p

I'm in one of those really lazy tired moods lol I hope I get more awake and excited for tonight. If not its totally going to blow! lol

ALSO! I might be moving out soon. I'll let you all know about that in a future post.

What have I been up to?

2010-12-15T11:03:00.001-08:00

Well work. Lots of it. I also got to hang out with my friends a lot. So I'll tell you all about that.

I have this new friend. He is straight. My friends and even his parents question it but I'm familiar with the type and he is straight. Not to say he couldn't one day love a man. I'm sure he would be more open to it they my other straight friends but at this point in his life if he doesn't end up forming a special bond he is looking for girls.

We have been hanging out more and more. We went out to the hookah lounge one night which was so much fun. I can have like really good conversations with him and its not about video games or stupid shit. lol We all hung out one night. It was me, him, and three other friends that are back for winter break from college. We just sat around then got food and then sat around some more. lol It was fun though. I missed my friends that were away so much! lol We also hung out last night. It was him, two other friends of ours, and me. Which was fun.

Other then that I have been working. I have a bunch of friends that are coming home from college for winter break so I'm super excited to hang out with all of them. I also have no idea what I'm doing for new years eve and I feel like its going to suck because I never go to any big parties unless we plan one and I'm in no way up to that right now. lol I'll figure something out though.

This friday is the 18+ gay club. I'm so excited. I think its going to be a big group of girls and me. Which is fine. Dont bring a boy find one there is my on going rule in life haha. I actually had work that day but I found someone to cover that shift for me so it's all good. Speaking of work... I have work in a few hours. so I need to actually get ready.

I'm hanging out with a few friends tonight also so we will see how that goes. =p I'll blog soon. I'm trying to make this a priority but other things keep getting in the way.

My Blog Got Some Botox!

2010-12-06T21:13:00.000-08:00

So here is the brake down of the new stuff:

1) I obviously changed the theme a little. I really like it but I'm still going to go ahead and play with it just a little bit. Add a logo and such.

2) I added my twitter which will display the last 5 tweets and replies to my tweets so you can follow any conversations if you want. If you want to follow me on twitter my username is @sinceyoutweet. I usually update there daily most of the time more then once a day. So its a good addition to this blog when I start lacking on the actual posts.

3) I'm adding a new section on the right with posts that have been monumental to me and my life that have been documented. More for me then anything to be able to go back and read things that have changed my life or things that have impacted me till this very day. So If your a newer reader on my blog that would be a great starting point to catch up and really get to know me. =p

4) I know that most of my page views (which to tell you the truth I haven't checked in months) come from my friends that link to this blog. Which is why I'm slow to go ahead and delete the links. So for know I'm going to change those and if you guys have an suggestions or would like to be added to the list then I would love to go ahead and do that. Just leave me a comment!

5) I have posted my picture on this blog once or twice. To tell you the truth I'm not that scared to put it out there. The only reason it's not is because I like you guys to use your imagination and not have the way I look interfere with my actual life and my blog. Which for those who comment and care about my blog most likely wont be an issue but you can definitely see where I'm coming from right? So from now I'll be posting some pics here and there of me and I will be actually changing my icon sooner or latter to my actual picture.

So now to the blogging:

Today was one of those days off that totally doesn't feel like a day off. I actually had a meeting with a client that wants me to go ahead and start a social marketing plan for his online site. Which I'm pretty good at so I accepted. This will be until I start school in the spring.

Speaking of school. I signed up for 3 out of 5 classes for spring semester. The other 2 were full and I need to wait till they reset the classes and throw out the people who didnt pay. Which is sometime int he beginning of January. So around next month.

I got out of work 20 min early and on the way home I stopped at a gay bar and met my friends that were there already. It is always fun to go out but some gay guys are total snobs. lol There was this married guy that added me on facebook from another night I was there. He was like "why are you single?!?" and "your such a tease!" lol he was super waited but he told me he was going to hook me up with a guy. So I'm not going to complain about it but I doubt he remembers me even being there last night. I wasn't there for long. Maybe 20 mins and then they left so I did as well. I wanted to grab a drink but I was driving so I knew that it was a bad idea. Next week is the 18+ gay club thing. I really hope I dont work and can go because last time I went I had to leave early and it really sucked cause I was having such a good time.

So other then that all the gay stuff. My day today was pretty blah. I wanted a friend to come over and smoke some hookah but that didnt end up happening. I also have this strong urge to film another short film which I might be doing this coming month. So yah.

I need to start saving money. This is going to be a great year guys. I'm talking about 2011. Get ready to take over the world!! haha WE ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!

"yes, I would die for you baby but you wont do the same." - bruno mars.

I'm not dead... haha

2010-12-04T13:20:00.000-08:00

To tell you the truth I'm just putting the blog off. Which isnt right. I guess I should share with you all the shenanigans I have been threw. The only thing is ever since I got hired its basically all I do and I cant talk about my work because I rather just not even mention it. It's one of those companies that rather you just not even talk about your job. So I'm going to respect that and keep it that way.

I can tell you that this past month has been some of the most exciting for me. I got a lot to tell you guys about and I guess I rather just summarize it then to just start blogging about past events.

I got to see some of my old friends that left out of the city for college. They came back for thanksgiving which was fun. We hung out and stuff. Speaking of thanksgiving. We actually went to a really good restaurant at the Paris hotel. So good. =p I got to work Black Friday which was fun but not as busy as I expected. I also expected it to be SUPER crazy so that could be why.

I went shopping the other day and bought like a TON of jeans and clothes and stuff. Fun =p

If you forgot, I'm Jewish, and its currently Hanukah. My parents usually dont get us gifts. Which to tell you the truth usually bums me out. Not because of the actual present but rather the thought that they actually think of something that would make me happy and surprise me. It could just be me but the holidays always just bum me out. My family doesnt really go all out and I'm the type that really loves going all out.

I'm going to give this blog a facelift soon and start blogging more often. We will see how this goes on. For now I'm going to go. I'll be back soon. Sooner then last time... haha

So life has been...

2010-11-13T10:47:00.001-08:00

Pretty good. I'm starting to get situated into my new job. I'm enjoying it a lot. I quite the H&M job because the Apple one is giving me more hours and is more enjoyable. I wouldn't have started working at H&M till next week anyways and like I said... I could only work maybe 2 days a week at H&M and they wanted at least three. Which wouldn't work out.

Social life is suckish. I've been out to a couple parties but I haven't done much since halloween. it literally sucks. My friends who are in college out of las vegas call me and we talk and they are having the time of their lives and I'm sitting here doing nothing. I'm going to sign up for classes for this coming semester in a couple days. I just wont get to have much of a social life. I kind of want to just go to an out of state school and enjoy college but idk. Right now my job is keeping me here.

As of right now I'm still single. I got laid the other day but it was just meaningless sex. haha I'm not a whore. I dont do it all the time with random people. I just get horny some times. lol

They did the gay club again yesterday but I didn't know about it till this morning when I saw people talking about it on facebook. I might have gone but I got off work at like 7pm and idk if I would drive home from the strip and then drive back out there. I'm running low on gas anyways.

I got my paycheck the other day. I got a case for my iPhone to celebrate haha. I'm in a little bit of a rut but not a bad one. Work makes me happy and thats what I'm doing the most of. Anyways. I'll talk to you guys soon. I want to change up the look of this blog but I'm lazy right now lol I'll have to get around to it.

Bye!

Hello Blogger.

2010-11-06T20:29:00.000-07:00

I dont know what to do with this blog. As much as I want to blog every day I dont and that's just a fact. So I'm either thinking of starting a new blog and saving this one as is or just blogging whenever. Which will be like twice a month.

To tell you the truth I'm emotionally drained in the best way possible. I am having some of the best learning experiences at my new job as well as meeting some awesome people. My job at Apple has been enriching and exciting and every day I get to go to work I love it more and more!

As of now I'm still in the same boat: I'm single. I'm enjoying my life as much as possible. I'm having fun.

I need to sign up for classes to start school on tuesday. I really don't want to to tell you the truth. I rather wait till the next year rather then start mid-year but hey. It's school. I really do just want to graduate and get it out of the way. I need the degree to get a higher job and thats what I'm aiming for.

So thats about it. I could go into detail but I feel as if no one reads my blog anymore and I'm super tired. My whole body is. It's dying for some rest haha. Well I'm going to go and head to bed. I have work tomorrow lol

Yikes. Its been a while... sorry.

2010-10-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy with this new job and working on projects that keep coming back to haunt me. It's been crazy every time we say we are done they come back with more stuff to add or fix. Blahh. Other then that my new job is working for Apple. I'm going threw training now. I don't want to say anything more then the fact that I love it and so far it has been an amazing experience. My other job is at H&M and I dont start until November and its seasonal so its only 2 months part time. Which is perfectly fine as long as they work around my Apple schedule.

So what didn't I talk about? My Reno trip! Yah I went up to reno for a weekend at it was so much fun. Other then the the flights. The first one I missed and the one home was delayed and I flew threw a storm. It was so scary but in a exciting OMG kind of way haha

I'm running short of cash and I need a paycheck soon or else im screwed. The apple job is going to require tons of gas which sucks. So is the H&M job lol I just plucked my own eyebrows rather then spending 20$ to get them waxed. They dont look as good but times are tough lol

I'm going to try and re-start my metabolism because I'm working out hard and not loosing any more weight. So hopefully a boot camp style diet for a month will help. Only chicken and salad. Turkey sandwich's are ok but whole wheat bread and light mayo.

I start my first day of in store training tomorrow and I'm excited for that. =p

Umm what else? I'm going to try and blog daily but I'm not sure if I can pull it off. If not then at least once a week.

Alright. I'm going to jump in the shower. Oh and idk what I'm doing for Halloween costume wise. WHAT SHOULD I BE?!?

Jobs & My Gay Weekend.

2010-10-14T22:04:00.001-07:00

So yah I got new jobs. YES! PLURAL. I'm a G. Plus these arnt just any type of jobs. One of them took me 6 consecutive interviews, panels, and seminars to get. Yes. Both of them are at a MAJOR hotel on the strip. Both of them are in MAJOR retail stores. Both of them are at VERY respected company's. Both are also part time but one of them is seasonal so it ends before I start school in January which turns out great.

SO JOHN?! WHERE ARE THE JOBS!??!?!

I probably shouldn't tell you for privacy reasons. Then again I really want to. So here it goes. The seasonal job is at H&M. Its going to be their largest flagship store that isnt open just yet. The other job I REALLY want to tell you about but I havnt signed the paper work just yet and this company is VERY picky about letting people say things. So I'll hint at it and on Monday I'll tell you guys for sure. Its a computer company that also makes phones, and music players, and other REALLY cool things ;) Don't be like "OMG IS IT ....." im not going to say yes or no in the comments lol just waits till monday. I know. It's killing me to wait but its been over two weeks and I'm DYING so I guess you guys can wait a few days. lol

Saturday I'm going out to visit another one of my friends at her college. So excited!! =p

SO MY GAY WEEKEND:

(sorry this blog sucks) So this past friday they did the FIRST 18+ gay nightclub on the Las Vegas Strip at the Hard Rock Cafe's top floor which is a club. It was so much fun. I didnt get to stay as long as I would have liked because my friend needed to leave and I was her ride. At first it was kinda slow but then people started getting there and it was fun. I danced with this cute guy that was grabbing my ass and shit and I left for a minute to say hi to a friend and I come back and he is like ALL over this one random guy that he just met (they shook hands and had that awkward "hi my name is" conversation). Then this other guy was dancing with me but he wasnt that fun so I left haha I feel bad cause I didnt say anything I just left hahaha.

So then Saturday night they had this National Coming Out Day festival but my friends bailed on me last minute. So I didnt end up going out. =[ but Sunday night I did!

Sunday night we celebrated my friends mom's birthday. She is REALLY awesome and is a total ally to the gay crowd so naturally we went to gay bar for her birthday. I made her a bunch of jello shots which were SOOO yummy. Then we went in and I started to drink. They did karaoke and I danced on the pole. But before that....

My friend and her mom went out to smoke something that wasn't a cigarette (im clean remember!) so I was left there. These two LATE 30's guys come over and corner me and start like getting all grabby and flirting with me. I'm like WOOOOO. calm your shit down. So I like get up and run to the bathroom (I didnt run but I walked fast. lol) So then this other guy in his late 40's was all like "yah... i met cher, im an author, this person read my book, im the shit.) ohh wow. Then is other guy was like "hey john! is this you?!" I was like umm how do you know my name? Well it turned out they found me on Grindr. OHH WOW. So that was another conversation that was horrible. Other then that though it was an overall fun night and I got drunk and had fun. =p

Last night I went out to the Laker game. It was sooo much fun. It was a pre-season game but stil it was good. Laker's kicked ass and I had pretty amazing seats. ROW A =p

Sorry this blog was all over the place. I just needed to update you guys and so much has happened. lol I'll try to start blogging every other day or so from the day I get back from my trip. So monday lol

I need a shirt that says. G.A.Y. Doesn't Spell WHORE. =p have a nice weekend!

New friend.

2010-10-06T12:46:00.001-07:00

This is going to be a hard blog post for me to write. I have been blogging for more then a year now and I really havent left out many details in my life. This one is about someone else and I don't really know how it could effect my relationship with the person. So I'm going to be general and hope that it wont being any negative effects.

One night me and my friends were just joking around and they decided to look up gay people in this app. So we download it and make a profile so we can see who was on there. It turns out we thought there was this guy we knew from this restaurant we just went to so we "chat" with him and it turns out not to be him. So were like this is boring. So we go and change the filter from 18-19 to 18-24. Turns out there are way hotter guys that are older. So I start chatting with some of them. At first it was just a random bored thing but then I actually had a good conversation with this one guy who is 23. So we exchange cell numbers and he adds me on Facebook the next day.

He actually sends me a facebook chat and at first it felt to easy. I never actually sat back and let things just play out. With these younger guys it was always like a game. What I had to say and do to get them to say this or that. With him it was easy. We talked and he showed genuine interest. It ends with him asking me to text him sometime. So far so good.

Well we have been texting every other day. He texts me I text him. It's just easy. I dont have to worry about "omg. he hasnt talked to me in 2 days! I texted him first last time!!" We have been texting for about two weeks. He live's close by. So I decided to make a move and ask him to a cup of coffee. We ended up planning a "lousy planned" coffee date. Just in case he has to work or something comes up. So we will see how that goes. I'll update you. So far he has been fun to talk to and he seems really nice. I enjoy our conversations so we'll see where it goes from here.

Utah Trip.

2010-10-01T21:07:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend I really wanted to do something. I had a interview set up for Tuesday for H&M (this would be a follow up. aka second interview) and then another Seminar on Monday for a company I don't want to name but its a pretty fucking amazing company. So what to do? Well how about drive down to Utah and see some friends at their campus.

So I drove down there. I actually have 4 really good friends that are down there. I slept at my best friend Carrie's dorm but we were always with another 2 of my friends and other friends that they had. It was a lot of fun. It was a very big college experience for me.

So the first night, friday, I got there and we went out for dinner and then went and saw a movie. It was fun. I was getting to know her friends and it was really nice hanging out with my old friends which I hadn't seen in a while.

Then the next day we woke up late so instead of eating at the cafeteria we went out to IHOP. Then after that we headed to the Tattoo/Piercing shop because of of their friends wanted to see if they got any new piercings in. So we go and Carrie really wanted to get a Monroe but she was scared cause of her parents. So we left and went back to the dorms. Then we decided to go eat. So Carrie got convinced that she wants to get it. So we go back and Carrie gets it. It looks REALLY cute on her and she really likes it which is awesome. Later that night these guys decided that they want to have a rave on their room. So I drove them to Walmart and they got glow sticks, strobe lights, and a smoke machine. The smoke machine set off the smoke alarm and then after 40 mins we got to go back and we just had one with no smoke machine. Overall a really fun day.

Then sunday came alone. We went and got breakfast early. I woke them all up and they got mad but I didnt care cause I was leaving early and I wanted to spend as much time with them as I could. After that we went back to the dorm and hung out and then me and Carrie went to Starbucks and got gas and snakes for my drive home. I went back to the dorms, got my stuff, said bye to everyone, and left. It was a ton of fun. I'm really glad I went down there! =p

Tomorrow I'll post about those job interviews. I got some amazing news. =p

Life has been pretty good.

2010-09-28T12:04:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post to organize my thoughts and to show you im still alive. Here are the things I have been up to and the things that I need to write about:

1. Utah trip

2. I made a new friend

3. Job's (yes plural) interviews and shit.

4. College

5. Life.

Well those are the topic and there are a few subtopics but like I said I have to keep this one short. I actually have to go and get ready for my job interview in a couple hours from now.

and guys, thanks =p

My future scares me...

2010-09-22T22:52:00.000-07:00

Here is the thing. I have been set on going to Israel for school because A) it would be starting fresh and not a semester in. B) I would be 100% independent and far from home. C) I love it there. It's one of the funnest places to live and the people there are extremely friendly. D) I LOVE IT THERE!

Now that all my friends are off in their respected colleges and im hearing about how much fun and how they go about their classes and all that fun stuff... I'm kind of starting to think: "hey, john. that seems like something interesting. something that wouldn't be as difficult or as expensive as Israel." Here is the thing: moving to Israel is going to be hard. I need to put away at least 10k, before Aug, so that I can live comfortably for a year until i get settled and can find a job where I dont need any reading or writing skills (I can speak fluently but my writing is horrible and my reading is at a 4rd grade level). Also the school in Israel is HARD. Its a 3 year school and the workload is crazy. I would be taking 2-3 times more classes a year then I could be at a USA college. Plus the cost of just education (not living, JUST tuition) is $30,000 compared to my in state tuition which would be around $9,000. Also I could live in a dorm and be independent up north (reno) where I already know a few people and it wouldn't be as hard to fit in with my surroundings.

So is this just fear & nervousness or something I'm willing to do. Idk. All I know right now is I wouldnt mind staying in state up i reno. I would be far from home. I would be independent. I would be with old friends and making new ones easier.

So why not just rule out Israel? I feel like I've made so many moves and mistakes and whatever you want to call it just because I want to move to study in Israel. I have put so much into the thought and have told everyone im doing it and used it as an excuse for why im just taking community college until next year when I can move there and start fresh. I have BEGGED my parent for an opportunity just to show them I'm serious about this whole thing. I feel like I have to prove to them that I can do it now. Like it's just a little to late to step back and be like: "you know... maybe this isnt such a good idea."

On the other hand. Maybe right now, today, the minute I'm writing this post, I'm just a little scared. Maybe I'm just feeling that feeling a bride gets before she walks down the aisle because now its getting real. I'm growing up and its starting to scare me but thats ok. Now I just need to be mature about it and not let it stop me from making the right decision about my future.

Fun fact. When I turned 18(literally 2 days after) my view count started to go down from 30,000 views average a day to 600 average a day. haha I'm older, wiser, and less entertaining. lol

I MISSED my 1 year anniversary! =[

2010-09-21T20:23:00.000-07:00

It was yesterday! OMG! How could I do such a thing? IT WAS MY 1 YEAR ON MY BLOG! =[ Im so sorry guys. Im actually planning something but im waiting to get hired and then start doing it because I dont want them finding anything they can use in my background checks. It has felt like months but its only been like a week since my interview and I'm waiting to get a call and a second interview after they are done running background checks.

So other then that whats up? Well. I got my final paycheck for the catalogue/website. Im doing another site soon for my dads business so he will pay for my college lol Danika (one of the girls from the LA trip) came back to vegas for a baby shower. She is in a different place for college. So did carrie and I got to see both of them for a couple hours and they had so many fun stories to tell me. I really wish I could go to Israel and start college already. I'm craving learning. I want information.

So lets talk about DOMA and Dont Ask, Dont Tell. BULLSHIT. did you guys what happened today. Fucking republican senators. I'm so not happy about this. A Senator that doesnt fight for equality isnt fighting for America! Lets get that out there.

Vegas is FINALLY getting 18+ gay nights and well im going to go even if I have to go alone lol

I'm trying to get back into my old weight which was 150. I'm currently at 169. This summer was not good for me. Im a fatty (in my head its worse then it really is). I'm on week 3 of couch to 5k and its HARD but in a good way. I'm not loosing weight as fast as I would like. I'm kind of stuck at 169 and now im forcing myself to diet harder. I'm not about to stay at this weight. It's not happening.

Yom Kipper was this past weekend and it was HELL. I don't really believe in this religion (Judaism) but was forced to participate because of my parents. I would sit here and tell you all about it but seriously, its not worth it.

I filmed a music video the other day and it went really well. I'm almost done editing it. Its pretty cute. I directed and filmed it rather then being in it. I really wanted to have full creative control of the whole video.

I literally have no plans to do anything this week and im super bored. I'm trying to get my friend to come with me to go visit Carrie at college but she has work on Sat and she is trying to find someone to cover her shift.

JOB INTERVIEW!!

2010-09-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

Yah, I know that I applied online and they denied me but hell no. This cute gay guy isnt going to sit around and let an e-mail stop him from getting a job at one of his favorite stores. (ok. no more talking in third person. if this was an essay i would have failed for switching tones but fuck that bitches! I graduated already). So I heard that they were doing open interviews. So I just went into the recruitment center and told them "I want an interview" and boom. The interviewee was super nice. She told me she would be one of my managers at the new store they are opening. We had a few things in common and I think she liked me over all. I have a very interesting resume so I think that helped as well. Now they have to do my background check and then go ahead and call me in for a second interview. I REALLY hope I get this job because I love the store and it would be such a great opportunity!

Other then that I have been working with the designer on the catalogue again. We are redoing it once more. She now wants it actual size. Something she never requested before. So yay.

I started Couch to 5K monday. Which means that I'm done with week 1. I know wayner was like "dont stick to fad workouts" but this really isnt one of those. It's actually a really popular running program that you do for 9 weeks. Its a serious of timed runs, jogs, and walks and the difficulty increases weekly. By the end of the 9 weeks im going to try and run a 5K marathon! So sometime in november or december.

I might/hopefully am going to go to a gay club tomorrow night with a friend. I'm not 21 but supposedly we can get in. It should be fun. Maybe meet some cute guy and have a good time. I hope! lol

Well my friend who I havn't seen in forever is coming over tonight to hang out. Were going to have a blast!!

MY ONE YEAR on this blog is coming up soon!!! Omg. maybe we should do something special?!? Any ideas?

Super Saturday... Yah thats a really cheesy title. sorry.

2010-09-05T22:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was awesome. I slept in. Went shopping by myself. Bought tons of clothes. Then went out with my friend to dinner and to see Chelsea Handler at Caesars Palace. We walked the strip a bit and then headed home!

It was so much fun. This is the first time I really went shopping on my own. It was so relaxing and I had a blast. I went to H&M then got coffee and went to Aldo where I got some amazing shoes. Then headed to Express and got a really cute outfit for the night. So far so great. Then a drove down the strip to Caesars and got the tickets. The will call line was HUGE. The place seats 4k+ people so i guess thats why lol After waiting for what looked like forever. I got in my car and drove down the back way to Fashion Show Mall. Where I went to Forever 21. The one there is the largest store they have. Got some really cute stuff there and the girl that rang me up was telling me about places that were hiring =p

Then I headed home and with 2 hours to spare I got ready to go out. I picked up my friend Giovanna and then headed to Kona Grill for some sushi. Seriously people. One of the best places to eat in this city. Strongly recommended. It was Giovanna's first time there and she loved it.

After dinner we drove over to Caesars Palace. It started getting late and we were nervous we weren't going to make it but it started late anyway so all that worrying was for nothing lol The opener was Brad Wollack. SOOO funny. He did this amazing bit about gay marriage. He was pro. Then Chelsea came on. Seriously thought I was going to pee my pants because I was laughing so hard. Her set was so fluid and friendly. It was great. I enjoyed it so much. After that we went out and just walked the strip and then drove home.

Overall a pretty epic day. =p

Today I didn't do much. I slept in till 1am. Woke up and did nothing till around 5pm and then I got ready and went out to dinner with my parents.

Funny story. When I was in forever 21 I saw this guy that I went to middle school with. He was obviously gay. He was with his mom and dress really awkwardly. Also he had this little beard thing going. Anyway... he ended up being a server at the restaurant I just went to with my parents for dinner. Haha... It's a small world. Just thought it was ironic.

Soo...

2010-09-02T20:20:00.000-07:00

Umm well how has everyone been? Last we talked I was in a good point in my life right? lol Well the project has come back to haunt me. The catalogue is a no go. She wants to redo it for the 4th time this time ALL the way from the start. So yah. Woo! (sarcasm) Just to update you: The gyc guy deleted me off facebook and when I texted him: "did you delete me off facebook?" he never responded. That's why I dont got for 16 year olds. Mental note taken. lol Lets leave it at that because he isnt worth more.

Everyone is starting college and I really want to as well but like I told you before. I fucked up and missed the date to pay for my classes and now I cant start till spring semester.

I'm starting to miss all my old friends. They are starting their new life so they dont feel it as much i'm guessing. Umm... I still have a couple friends that I'm hanging out with. Taylor is my best friend but whenever we hang out she brings her girlfriend, Summer, and that just makes me feel lonely at times haha. I'm actually going out with one of the people that I have been friends with for a while on Saturday. We are going shopping and then going to see Chelsea Handler. I LOVE Chelsea so im SOO excited for that.

Labor day is coming up and I think we might take a rode trip up to Mount Charleston and have lunch or something. Idk. Something fun like that. lol

I think I'm going to make you guys a little video blog. Now dont take my word for it. It's just an idea that I'm easing up on. I really want to interact with you guys but at the same time still keep my privacy. So Idk how thats going to happen.

I'm also thinking about starting this couch to 5k thing. Its basicity a workout you do 3 times a week and you finish the program in 9 weeks.

Ok. Well I'm going to go and be lonely and do nothing. Yay! haha

Well, It Started W/ Your Hips So I Moved Up To Your...

2010-08-29T17:28:00.000-07:00

Its a song. lol I like it. Im currently watching the Emmy's and loving it. Last night was fun but there were times were it just sucked. I went out for my friends 18th birthday. Her girlfriend came with her. Then it was a friend that is a girl and her girlfriend. So now we are at 4 lesbians and me. Then we went out to the strip where we were joined by another couple and a girl who wasnt really there so I didnt notice her. Then we went to the hookah lounge and it was just the original 5 again. So me and 2 couples. My friends (the birthday girl) brother came to the lounge and we had a really good conversation till he left. Then we left. It made me really want someone for myself. :/

So now that my friend is 18 I'm taking her to a hookah lounge that is amazing. We went to this ghetto one that doesn't card yesterday because there were younger people in the group. Her girlfriend is 17. So I though it would be an opportunity to just go me and her. You see usually she is really good like doing the whole friend and girlfriend separate time thing but ever since I got back from Israel it was like I saw her one day and then every other time I invited her over she asked if she could bring her girlfriend. Nothing against her girlfriend. I LOVE hanging out with her. I have the best times with her. It's just that sometimes I want it to be just us. Not that couple and John. Anyway's so she asked me if she can bring her and see if she can get in and if not then she will leave.

Oh and now I found out that she can't come with me anymore to the concert in October because of her softball games. Idk anyone else that likes this band that would drive down there with me. Which really sucks. =[ That was like the highlight of my year.

Havn't heard from GYC guy yet. Going to stop by my old high school tomorrow and see my old teachers. Just for fun. lol

Hey! Steve Jobs. If you read this. Can I have a job at a store? Please?!

2010-08-28T16:34:00.001-07:00

I applied at apple. Which is like saying you applied to Harvard. Its really really hard to get an interview even. You have to be really lucky. Which isnt the streak im on right now. If I dont hear from Apple by Monday I'm seriously going to be disappointed. I want to start something already. I'm sick of staying home and doing nothing. Well... I'm working, just not like out of the house working.

Anyways. GYC guy. We started messaging each other. He goes to the high school I graduated from. He is cute. He seems mature but fun. He has a job. He is in choir. Umm yah. I'll let you know where this goes.

Anyways... I went to a Frat party. Ummm... not my scene lol I got in because I have a friend who is in a sorority and I didnt know anyone there so it was awkward most of the night following here around. I had a few drinks and shit but nothing crazy. I needed to drive home and it was a 20 min drive on the freeway so yah... There was a gay guy there but he either didnt take the hint or didnt want to. I made myself available. Fun fact. I heard that the president of the frat is gay, out, with a boyfriend. That is amazing. I'm happy for him. I can't really see myself in that lifestyle. I'm all about going out and having fun but frat parties are a little over the top for me. I'm more the club out with the close friends type of guy. Yah...

So tonight is my best friends birthday. We are going out on the town. The strip and then a hookah lounge? idk. Some of the people are under 18 so we will see what happens there. I really should start getting ready. Ummm... yah. I want to say GOOD LUCK to my twitter friend and fellow blogger Robert on his date tonight. =p his blog is lrtackle15.blogspot.com. Ok. I'm going to get ready! Bye!

Work.

2010-08-25T23:05:00.001-07:00

I have been consumed in work lately. I love and hate it. It's a perfect mix of need and want and not want. I know that makes no sense. Thats me ;)

So yah. I made a GYC profile. Its basically a Facebook for gays. As soon as I added a pic i got 2 messages. One from an 8 and another from a 2. I would of responded to the 2 if it wasn't a stupid hi. Give me some effort at least. I'm not going to date you but at least make the conversation worth while. I messaged the 8 back a day latter. He is cute. 16. Latino. Taller then me. Usually not my type but hey. I need to be less picky. I havn't really had that much time to scope out the scene but I will soon. Maybe find a couple cute guys and take them out on some dates. I feel like im ready to start dating. Nothing to much just a couple dates. Lets see...

I applied for a new stable job. You already know i've been doing the whole graphic/web design thing but its not stable and paychecks come every other month and I need to pay my bills lol So maybe i'm getting paid less but I want to be able to dress up and go out and work. I just am sick of staying home in my PJ's and working 12 hours starring at a computer screen. I'll tell you where when I get the job or when i dont get the job. Hopefully the former.

Me and my parents got into a HUGE debate about me not believing in "our" religion. He is saying that im being disrespectful for not going threw with all of the religious sermonizes that he does because I dont believe in what they stand for. I personally dont believe in Judaism. I right now can't say I dont believe in any religion because I haven't studied them all but or now im not looking for one. So here is the deal. He basically is forcing me to do all these religious tasks or else. He tried guilting me and blackmailing me and all. He even said I was just trying to be a horrible son referring to me being gay and not starting college till fall and drinking and smoking weed back in the day. I just dont give a shit. He told me that if I dont do all the religious stuff not to go to his funeral because its going to be a jewish funeral and he wasnt to "rid" me of the experience. Yah... that pissed me off.

Funny fact: they went to San Francisco a couple days ago and my mom brought me back a rainbow bracelet. Yah...

I'll update you all as life goes on. I'm hopefully getting paid tomorrow morning. Let's see how this week goes.

Everyone's Leaving.

2010-08-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

College season is upon us and John isn't going to be going out of the state (or country) anytime soon. Well unless next year is soon. Right now im stuck in las vegas. I didnt pay in time for my classes so I'm stuck starting classes in the spring. I was in Israel and the school wont let you pay online so by the time I got back it was to late.

Most of my friends have left. Some went to Utah, others went up north to Reno (a 9 hour drive away). That's where most of them went now that I think of it. lol Some of them I'm going to miss deeply. I might drive down to Utah for the Shakespeare festival because thats the school my friends are at. Maybe I'll go down there for the weekend.

Also there is this concert that I REALLY want to go to in Anaheim, CA so I might drive down there in October to see them. So that is the traveling im planning on doing for this first half of the year.

So what am I planning on doing for the rest of the year until school starts? Umm... work. Full time. Hopefully I can start by Sept because I really need some money. I'm also waiting on a paycheck that should have been given to me about a month ago. Its a big one also!

So tonight my 2 friends are going to come sleepover and we are going to watch movies and maybe smoke some hookah and just chill. I love those kinds of nights! They are my favorite!! I'm in the middle of cleaning my room and its a total mess so I'm going to get going! Bye!

Fast Paced Life.

2010-08-17T01:27:00.000-07:00

So much is going on. I really need some time to let it all pass by before I can sit here and explain it all. My life is kinda crazy right now. I'm making all these last min college decisions that, I will admit, are a bit last minute. I'm working towards getting into a college and we will see where and how that goes. I'll fill you in with details as I get them =p

My friends are my friends. I have been spending time with one of my dear old friends. Not the girls from the trip. I feel as if its a shame that she is going away for college but thats how life is I guess. Again I'll talk more about that soon.

I might be having a sleepover tomorrow night with a couple friends. Idk what is going on right now. I literally am rushing to finish a million things but that just makes me even more motivated to prove to everyone that I can do this. This is MY time to show everyone what im capable of doing.

Ok. My laptop isn't charged so im going to go know. bye.

Shit has happened.

2010-08-14T18:24:00.000-07:00

So lets start where I left off a week ago. I ended up going to the party at this guys house. I met these really cool people that are like "yah lets hang out!" and when im inviting them to things either never text me back or just dont end up coming. Whatever. Their loss.

Anyways... So I go and meet this girl names Lisa and a Guy names Chase that are pretty cool. Lisa was my favorite. She was nice and we had things to talk about. Chase was gay and cute. In a fun way. Like he seems like he's always up for a good time. Then there was another gay guy named Dallis. He was sober but he was nice. He was a little older then me and already had a job and a nice car. Graduated already with a degree. Not as cute as Chase but not ugly. From what I heard after I left (4am) they went upstairs and hooked up. Yah... lol There was the guys best friends and another guy that had sex with one of his best friends. Jess and Lauren where the friends and the guy was nicknamed "wow meth." long story.

So the next day I got invited to this lunch/movie with a bunch of friends. So I go and Danika is there. It wasn't like awkward or anything but I want going to be like "lets talk" yah no. Anyway by then end of the day she was like lets talk. So I finally made the decision that I was going to forgive them. Not shelby. She can go burn in hell for all I care. I talked to Taylor the day after that and we hung out. It was nice.

Yesterday I had a BBQ at the park. It was my first time BBQ on a coal grill so that was interesting. I did an AMAZING job. The food was great and we had fun. There was about 10 of us there so it was nice. I spend the rest of the day with my friend Carrie. She is going off to college in Utah and im going to miss her SOO much. =[

Well tonight im having a little kick back at my house. My parents are out of town and yah... I'm a bad kid. I just had a conversation with my mom about how she should trust me and no im going against her word... I'll deal with that later in life I guess haha.

Ok. So last night I called over this guy and we had sex. Fist of all it wasnt the first time. Last time it was in his truck like 2 years ago and it was bad. This time it was in my room and after the first like 10min I wasnt into it anymore. Like he was having a blast. It was just not that hot for me. I wasn't really attracted to him that much as much as I just wanted to have sex and he was the person that I knew was available. So yah. It's not happening again. He is one of those have sex and its a relationship the next time type deals and hell no is that going to happen. I can say that right now.

I'm going to go get ready and shit. I know like at least 7 people are coming. Not much of a party. Just like a kickback. Don't want to reck the place haha. I invited like 20 so maybe a few more people will show. They just never texted me back so yah... ok. bye.

Catch Up...

2010-08-07T17:45:00.000-07:00

I have some pretty crazy stories from Israel I still need to tell you guys. One of them was just weird.. So my dad's something or other. (cousins son? idk) Decided that he was going to take me out in Tel Aviv. So he took me to his apartment. Then to a bar. He got me a beer (not the bottle like half from the tap.) He bought be 3 shots and then we left... To a store to buy me ANOTHER beer. lol It was a 30. Omg I was so tipsy. Luckily I have high tolerance for alcohol because the whole time we were walking in public and it was like 5pm. So then he was like lets walk to the beach. I didnt have any beach clothes. So I just decided that I was going to go in with my shorts. I was wearing shoes with socks and that was like the hardest thing. Taking them off with NO balance. Yah... lol So then we go in the water and im like this is awesome. Water was perfect. I was buzzed enough to be able to enjoy it and not care that in 5 min I will be leaving without a towel and be soaking wet with sand in my socks and wearing shoes walking thew Tel Aviv. So we leave and then he was like "i have to stop at the mall and buy a pair of pants" so im like whatever. So now im like "not sober" in a mall, wet, and full of sand. Oh yah. im a rebel. Not to mention this WHOLE time he was talking about girls. Every 5 min he would point out a girl or say something about girls. I was so in the closet with him. I hated it. It was horrible. Like I had to tell lies and shit and be like "yah... all the girls are immature." and I kept making excuses to why I wasnt making advances towards girls. It was bad... So then we walked back to his apartment and he drove me back. It was just weird. lol

So I went to NY for 4 days and it was a blast. I got to see Billy Elliot as well as American Idiot. Both were fantastic. We went and did the tourist thing also. Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Ground Zero, Empire State Building. We got to go to the meat packing district which was AWESOME. I loved it there. I went to the 5th avenue apple store and got my iPhone 4 there. Im an apple fan so that was like going to see the pope or something. haha So that was New York. I did more but nothing THAT interesting.

So I get back to vegas right. My friend carrie was like, LETS HANG OUT. I missed her so much. So we hung out one night. We went to the strip and it was fun. =p She just got out of a 3 year relationship with this guy she was in love with. I was friends with her for those 3 years so I can tell that she is back to her old single fun self. To bad she is moving away for college. I'm going to miss her.

So then this guy right. I talked to him on facebook while I was in Israel. He really wants to hang out. He keeps texting me and he totally wants to fuck. Except he has horrible timing. Like I have to work or Im with my family. I had to blow him off three times already. He JUST texted me and invited me to his party at his house tonight. He is 20. Too tall and has blond hair. I fucked him before so I know that his cock doesn't make up for it much. The only reason Im willing to do it again is because the sex was HORRIBLE. Yah. It was in his truck in like the mountains and it was just like bad. I was 16 at the time. So I want it to be like fucking hot sex. Like maybe the sex will be amazing. Idk. Im weird I guess. He just texted me saying soooooo. damn. he really wants me. Oh yah. the reason that I havnt talked to him since was because he was like IN LOVE with me. Like he was obsessed. It didnt help that he was friends with people I knew because I really didnt want them knowing I had sex with him. He has this ego over the top personality. Total turn off.

Anyway. Umm... idk if im going to go tonight. One: because idk how im going to explain it to my mom. She knows that im not really social since the whole LA thing and it will throw up some red flags. Two: I dont want to spend the night there or have sex tonight. Im not in the mood. If I drink both will most likely happen. Three: I have a deadline for a project due tomorrow and I have A LOT of work that still needs to be done. So idk if im going to go or not.

Also idk who else he invited. If its just me and him and like 3 other people its going to be awkward.

Also since I was in Israel I really havnt groomed myself. Like I trimmed but I havnt like did a full service type thing. I usually trim the bush, save the shaft and my balls and do as much shaving as I can around my hole. Im pretty hairy. Its one of my least favorite features... (also im not THAT hairy. Just not, not hairy lol).

Well im going to deiced what to do. lol bye.

Quick Update

2010-08-06T22:51:00.000-07:00

Its been a while. I am back home in vegas. I have so many stories to tell you guys I just have been knee deep in stuff i need to finish since we got back.

Just wanted to let you know I was still alive. Im here and dreading vegas haha.

I'll try to write up a proper post tomorrow afternoon after im done with work. =p lots of juicy and interesting things have happened lol

My 13 hour Flight Back To The States.

2010-08-03T10:55:00.001-07:00

I'm currently on a airplane so I'm writing a blog threw the notes app on my iPhone. My family is sitting in first class while I'm sitting in the back in economy. Currently I'm in the seat 23B in the middle on the left in the back. Alone. Now I'm not complaining nor am I using this post to show disrespect. Rather it is just a post that is filled (mostly) with sarcasm. Enjoy. P.S. I have never flown first class. So don't take this as rich kid is unappreciative.

I'm flying with Continental Airlines. I go to sit down and a older man says we can switch seats so instead of sitting in the middle I can sit on the side by the hallway. We sit. A min latter a flight attendant tells him he's in the wrong seat. Meaning he needs to get out and I need to move. Yay. He is an older man. Probably in his 80's. It takes him a while to get out. I help him out and show him his seat across the hallway. All the while an attendant is yelling at me (with a smile) to move into a row so that people can pass by. Yah because that the motto right? Everyone matters... Except old people. I debated giving her shit for it but quickly remembered that she is the one who will be serving drinks to me later in the flight.

Luckily the whole fiasco ended with another senior and his grand kid (Israelis!) wanting to sit next to each other so I got to keep my hallway seat!

I go to sit down and my blanket is missing. Don't you love that? I kindly request another one and the attendant very kindly answers while walking away saying you get one per seat and that this is a full flight and... She was to far for me to comprehend what she said from their. I assumed that she was really in a rush and had a really important place to be at the moment. In retrospect a shot of something (vodka?) that would calm her down was what I was thinking she was running to. If that was the case then I respect that. If I owned a plane I would definitely place alcohol before customers. Both give u headaches but one requires way less interaction with humans.

She returns, in a WAY more relaxed state, and gave me a blanket. She told me it's the only extra on the plan that she knows about. She was really kind all of a sudden. I wanted whatever she just took. God knows I needed it to survive this 12 hour flight with the three little kids in the row behind me kicking my seat.

I got situated and decided to check the screen and see what movies/tv shows/ music was available. I was surprised at the amount of movies I actually wanted to watch and closed the screen.

The old man starts talking to me and we have a very nice conversation in Hebrew about my travels in Israel and ect. His grandkid is around the age of 13 and is a boy. He's not shy but not annoying. I got lucky. I usually can't stand kids on flights. Once I was on a flight with a kid that was 6. I tried to explain to him that I wanted nothing to do with him but to no avail he sat there the whole flight explaining to me how an airplane takes off and lands at an angle. He was lucky I was only 9 at the time because my mom had all control of me, and god knows I would have made sure that my fists would have gotten the message to him to shut up.

Unlike that kid the boy next to me is really unusual. He has talked to me and asked questions but not to the point where it was annoying. He even turned around and told the kids to calm the fuck down. Ok, maybe I added the fuck in there myself but it was really unexpended and even awesome. Didn't expect that from the kid.

It's now 12:10pm. To put that in perspective boarding took place at 10:30am and I personally woke up at 6:50am. We are still sitting on the airplane doing nothing. The plane has not moved. It's as if the pilot pulled a Lindsey Logan and didn't show up for her court date. Except instead of the millions of people with cameras there are millions of babies and little children crying: "mommmm moommm!!!"

The flight attendant decided to brace her way threw the crazy child filled hall to hand out water. Right when she passed by me a male flight attendant walked by and asked her a question. Now as much as I enjoy listening in on people conversations I was a tad busy. This particular flight attendant was cute. He had a tight ass and a cute face. He looked small next to the other female flight attendant but I'm guessing anyone would thanks to her manly shoulders and her overly large thighs. I moved my head to take a second look as I saw his cute ass fast walking towards first class. This will be reason number one why first class would have been worth the $500 upgrade fee.

12:30pm. Still not moving. The kid next to me asked why we were not flying yet. If I knew the problem I would have found the solution by now. I'm thinking about offering to fly the plane myself. I personally think I have tons of experience in flying plans. I don't have a license but if my frequent flyer miles mean anything more than "have a free mint while you wait in a shorter line" then I'm qualified.

The lights have just been dimmed. This gave the kids in the row behind me the idea to a) open and close the window making a stobe light effect. b) yell: "yayayay were taking off" and c) their parents yelling at them to "please calm down". This drives me crazy. When will parents understand that when you have kids that are acting out in ways that annoys the fuck out of me, please is not the right word to use in this situation.

The plane is moving. Yay. Someone is watching that new movie that Miley Cyrus played in where she makes out with a guy the whole time. Even without audio I can tell that the movie blows.

I just got yelled at to turn off my phone. It's in airplane mode assholes. Nothing can fucking happen. Goodbye for now.

I'm back. I am tired but since action news channel 2 year old is on high alert behind me I can't sleep. Example: "omg! I can see the clouds! Omg I have pasta. Omg I have nuts."

The kid next to me pulled out an IPhone and started playing a game. You would think a finger touch based game would require way less movement, but shit, the kid was shaking so much I swear it looked like he was orgasming. If that is the case I respect he kept his pants on and/or make me get up so he can "use the bathroom."

Actions news behind me is reporting on how the food tastes. For those of you who have never been on a long term flight (or any flight at all), airplane food sucks major balls. Not even the good kind that can be used. Like the kind you get at IKEA that you use as a centerpiece that your mom says makes your house look more "modern." For once I agree with the kids on their expression. I would yell about how disgusting the food was as well but I'm trying to maintain a cool personality just in case the cute flight attendant walks by again. I could seriously get a free meal out of the deal if you know what I'm saying. "hey ummm. I kinda have this thing where I like to know where there is the most privacy in an airplane. You know just to sit and think. You wanna maybe show me where we... I mean I can get some... Privacy that is."

Unfortunately he isn't passing out the food. I got stuck with the female man shoulder attendant. I had no idea that first class also got hotter attendants. They should really advertise that shit.

Man shoulders is about to offer me chicken or fish. I'm thinking about asking her for chinese food then calling them racist for not having any. I can already see her go from transgender face to I don't really give a shit face but I have to be nice and tell you why we don't offer Chinese food, face.

I picked chicken. I won't bore you with the review. Just know that it was horrible. I decided that the taste of salt would be better so I poured the entire packet on it. My mom came by and gave me a first look at her menu. Let's call this reason number 2 why the $500 upgrade fee would be worth it.

The Miley Cyrus movie is still on her screen. I swear in every scene she has the same expression. I don't understand why they casted her. I could have gone under surgery turned into a women and fit the role better then she does.

It's 2:03pm (Israel time still). I need to piss but the food tray is still in my lap. Also the bathrooms are all occupied. Fuckers. If u care (which I don't.) we are currently over Greece. They do this thing where they show u the map in 3 zooms. One close so u can see countries. One medium so you can see how far you've traveled, and a map of the entire earth so you can see how fucking long of a distance you still have to fly. The action news kids always have the same reactions: 1) "omg we are here!!!" followed by 2) "look how far we are going!! Thats so far!" and then last but not least 3) "is that what we still need to go?! That's so far!! I don't want to. I'm bored." fuckers. I'm going to pee.

7 an a half hours left of plane land. I'm over France. I've come to realize that the boy next to me is older. That probably is the reason he is so much more mature. His looks make him seem younger. He is probably 15 or so. I fell asleep and so did the kid and his grandfather. I woke up before
Him and noticed a little bump. Now I wasn't looking and nor was I that interested in the kid. He's still a kid lol I was curious though. I just wanted to know what it was. It looked larger then what I thought it was so I casually yawned and brushed a finger over it to see if I was air or you know. Now I'm not sure but if it is, at least one thing looks right for his age. It wasn't anything sexual. Im just bored and I got curious to know if it was what I thought it was. Well. He woke up a min latter. I don't blame him. The action news crew of kids behind us won't shut the fuck up or calm down a min and stop fucking moving. Fucking a. I'm officially making this reason number 3 of why the $500 update is worth it to upgrade to first class. I'm bored.

Fun fact: The Maine is the only band I can listen to during a flight and not be bored. It's funny because at home I rarely play it. They have a new album out and it's good. Go check them out. My favorite song is Right Girl. There is an acoustic version on iTunes as well. No, I'm not getting paid to say this lol. It sounds like an ad spot right? Lol ok. Now I'm done. Bye.

Someone in the row in front of me is watching the original Harry Potter. For some reason this reminds me freshman year. I had a friend that is still crazy obsessed with Harry potter. She is 18. You can guess the next sentence. Still a virgin.

Oh yah. I read a little bit. Heather McDonalds book. You'll never blue ball in this town again. Yes, thats the title. Other then the fact that the back cover is pink and makes me look like I'm reading a chick book. It's a great read. It reminds me of how I would act if I was in the closet.

Wow. Two different screens, two different movies. Both were make out/sex scenes. This is one of the problems with America. Alright. Bye again.

Well, it's been a while. It's 7:55pm Israel time. We have another four and a half hours left in the air. I just finished watching cop out. While the movie has some boring parts the fact that they actually say "cop out!" in the movie makes it a good movie. Plus the bad guy plays a character on weeds! Haha.

I look up to an average site. A 6 year old boy playing with a nintendo dS. Yah. Expect you know what's not normal. The religious man that is standing above him, astonished by the device, jumping up and down, listing to music threw a cassette player. If you must ask u think he was praying. Either way I want out of this fucking plane. I need to pee once more.

I've come to the conclusion that with 36% battery on my iPhone I have not even began to write enough about what is going on here. The line for the bathroom mixed with the turbulence is what's keeping me from taking a piss. I need to pee.

I have come to the conclusion that reason 4 that the $500 upgrade fee is worth it is that the first class bathrooms are completely available.

I cut the line to the bathroom. There was a religious man in the line. (yes the same one that was jumping up in down). If there is a God I'm going to hell. Let's just hope he doesn't come with me.

The kid behind me keeps kicking my faking seat. So fucking annoying. Life lessons: don't Adopt.

(not very) fun fact #2: my mom is deathly afraid of airplanes. Every time there is turbulence I listen for my mom to yell my dads name. Unfortunately on this flight I'm way to fat away to hear her yelling. My dad informed me earlier that this flight wasn't any different.

Wow. The kid next me has his hand under the blanket right "there" and was totally just either fake or not fake masturbating. As much as this weirds me out. Props for not making me get up for you to use the bathroom. Still. Ewe.

There is an outlet here but for fucks sake it's like trying to find a penis in the Octo-Moms vagina.

Fun fact #3: till this day I can't spell vagina right. I am truly a homosexual.

I stopped a flight attendant and asked her where the outlets are. She didn't help much so I crawled under the seat and after about 5 min I found the outlet. During the process three different people asked if I was ok. No I'm not. Why the fuck are the outlets so hard to fucking find. Don't answer that. I don't really care.

I'm at 38% battery.

The kid next to me is holding hands with his Grandfather. It would be cute if he wasn't just jacking off with those hands. 3 hours and 46 min left on this hell plane.

Update on the kid next to me! Army you so fucking excited? (I'm so sorry I have nothing to do on this flight). Out of all 200 movies he picked the thumbnail containing a hot girl in a bikini. Damn kid. How many times in one flight can you bust a nut. It's started to weird me out. It's a good movie though. Forgetting Sarah Marshal. If it's the unrated version they show the guys dick. Haha. Irony go for the boobs and you get dick. He's rubbing... Someone somewhere please save me from this nightmare.

So after 5 games of tris i look u and it's as if I'm going insane. What's tris? It's a rip off of tetris that got pulled from the app store back in the early days. If u downloaded it you can keep it. It was free and tetris is like $5. This situation could be considered hipster and/or cheap.

Guys we need to talk. I'm thinking of being a full time student in Israel. I don't know what that means right now. Well I do but not for sure. Admissions for the school are open until September. I have nothing to loose by applying. My grades are average and not that great. So we will see. I'm going to go fo it. In the worst case I will do a year in Vegas to raise my chances. Idk what that means. In any case I'll talk more about this on a different post. I just needed to mention it. A) because I'm bored and B) because it's on my mind.

So close! 3 hours till I land. They are passing out those cards they use for immigration. Blahhh. I'm landing in Newark at 5:15 ish.

My throat is dry. I NEED a diet coke. Asap.

Still no diet coke. Also I think my baby cousin just threw up. Either that or he spilled something. I'm pretty sure he threw up as my aunt is cleaning the floor now. My dad got up again I'm not sitting with them I'm in the back. They are in first class.

So close yet so far. Another 2 and a half hours.

I went up there he threw up. The flight attendant threw a bitch fit about me standing there. She was angry anyway that she needed to clean up the floor. Why the fuck can't people be nice about things. I swear everyone here has been a total asshole. Fuck continental.

My back hurts. A lot. I'm thinking about taking the information of the parents of the action news kids in the row behind me and making them paying the doctor fee's because they are constantly kicking my seat. Seriously. As I'm writing this they are jumping against my seat. A little over 2 hours left.

The action news kids were running around the hallway on the way back to jump into their seats they blew shit breath all over me. So disgusting.

Hallway lights are on. The girl that was watching the Miley Cyrus movie is now watching a thriller. That one movie where this crazy white chick
Is obsessed with this black guy that want nothing to do with her. I think it will J Lo.

I'm actually really excited to turn my phone on. Even though I basically have no one to really talk to because of the LA trip and the fact that I basically just didn't talk to anyone while I was I Israel. Lol NYC you are my next pet project. Lol

Woo. Hot meal and last drinks round. Maybe I can finally get that diet coke. The kids behind me are getting on my last nerve. Oh and yes I AM saying something. They still don't stop.

I hate this flight the most for the final reason why the $500 upgrade fee is worth it. Breakfast. The meal is eggs. Just the smell drives me insane. It's the most disgusting thing on earth. I'm not even mentioning the taste. Forget it. There's no way I'm opening the silver packaging. Yes. It's THAT bad.

770 miles left. That's an hour and 45 mins.

So I got the "food" I didn't eat much of it. We are so close. Kid next to is trying to sleep. We have 51 min left. A little late for that kid. The kid behind me is like kicking the seat on purpose by now. Just because I keep asking him to stop. Oops. The time just jumped up to an hour and 7 mins. What the fuck? On the zoomed out map it looks like we are there already. Ok. Bye.

Well we are descending slowly. Still have 229 miles left till the airport. There is crazy turbulence. My mom is probably going crazy. I have to turn off my electronic device now. Bye.

The kid next to me decided to move over to the window seat. At first I was like why the fuck are you moving now I have to get up and there is literally another 20 mins left. Then the flight was extended because our pilot decided that she was going to fly around in circles (yes. Literally, circles). Then the kid didn't feel well. The tramps needed to use the bathroom (during a decent) and then the kid threw up. Luckily he used a bag.

This has been my observation of my flight from Israel to Newark.

New York Here I Come =p

2010-07-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

Yup! Only 3 more days till we fly to New York. We are making a 4 night/5 day stop there before we continue to Las Vegas. My Aunt and her kids are coming with us as well. I'm really excited. Last time I went to New York was in 7th grade on a school trip thing. It was a lot of fun so I can't wait to go back.

I made an entire presentation on what we can do while we are there. I showed it to the family this morning and then we sat and decided on what was a yes and what is a no. We ended up choosing to see Billy Elliot (not my fist choice but still a good show) and then I really wanted to see American Idiot as well so my dad and brother are going with me to see it a different day. We got good seats at the discount price which is awesome. =p We also got tickets to the NBC studio tour. I'll tell you more about that when it all happens lol

My parents went to the beach and now im siting home talking to you guys lol. I havn't done much since we talked.

well... i just got back from dinner. we went to this asian restaurant and then went to max brenner. OMG. It is the most amazing place ever.

They have chocolate everything. I Had myself a Java white chocolate cocktail. It had gummy bears on the little stick. It was so good. (pic on left) I also had this amazing chocolate thing. I dont even know how to describe the amazingness of what it was. I know they have on in NY on broadway st and they are also opening one in vegas on Aug. 5th. Im pretty sure I saw a chicago one also so go check if your interested. Definitely recommended.

thanks for caring guys =p I was reading up on some blogs and I noticed many times I was linked on their blogs and it made me smile. I really need to update my blog list as soon as I get back home. If you have linked me or want me to link your blog let me know by sending me an email. (its in the about section).

alright. going to head out now. bye! p.s. this guy that i cam with from australia is coming next month. ;) haha im looking forward to that. also maybe going on a date when I get back. things are looking up.

Back from the mini vacation.

2010-07-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

Got back from eilat yesterday.(thats a picture from our view on the balcony!) So now back to the other kind of vacation that is living at my aunts haha. So what did we do there? Well:

We ate a lot of food. We rented a "speed boat" that ended up only going about 20 mph and took it for an hour in the ocean. I went out and ate some more. I laid out by the pool some more. Then some more of hanging out by the beach. I went to the mall and hung out there for a bit. Then came back and ate some more. OMG. There were some gorgeous guys there. All a little younger then me (maybe 16 or 17) and... straight. haha I can't make a move anyway when im around all of my family. My mom ended up getting internet on my laptop because her shitty PC didn't end up working. So I had internet but my mom was working on it most of the time so I didn't get to blog much.

The drive back was hell. We were stuck in traffic for like 2 hours straight and that saved me from having to go to some weeding that one of my dad's uncle's sons was having that night. Yah... I really didn't want to go. My dad and mom ended up going for 30min saying hi, eating, then saying bye.

Today I spent most of the day at my grandparents apartment. My amazing aunt was there and we sat and had good conversations together. I miss her so much. There was this AMAZING summer that I stayed at her house in LA 4 years ago. Sooo much fun. I'll have to write that story and post it some time.

My cousin that I went out with said that her friends told her they would take me out one night and to add them on facebook and make plans. I think I'll do that tomorrow. Maybe go to a gay club in Tel Aviv if they are up for it. The only thing is that they run CRAZY selection at the doors. 10 times worse then Las Vegas is. So we will see...

I have been thinking about my future and what I want to do with my life. Business seems like the right direction. Idk we will see how it goes. One year in a shitty community college and then im getting the fuck out of there and on to the rest of my life.

Well it's getting late. I'm going to bed! Goodnight!

Soo what have I been up to?

2010-07-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

Well... (there's a picture of me at the beach =p)

My dad and my younger brother got into town about a week or so ago and ever since then its been going better. My dad got here and was like "lets go to the beach." So we all went to the beach. I've been sitting on the beach and drinking beer's like they are water lol I feel like it makes me look more manly.

We went on like a tourist day and went to the Tank IDF museum type place. It was pretty cool. Then we went to "mini israel" and that was ok. We got to like see israel in mini form. haha

We also went to this place where it was a street full of handmade stuff that people made. I got a wallet there. It was pretty cool.

Then we went to the beach some more. Oh and the mall. We always go to the mall. I dont really care much for shopping right now lol I'm still in this "i dont like the way i look so i dont want to buy myself nice things to wear" stage lol gym is needed.

Also exciting news! We booked out hotel for New York!! Super excited. We are heading there at the end of the month and staying for 4 nights. IM SO EXCITED!! I'm hopping to go get my white iPhone 4 while im there.

This post is super short. I just kinda had to catch you guys up and all the details didn't really matter haha.

I haven't seen any cute gay guys. Maybe one or 2 hot guys. One of them was american though. I need to get laid. Like in vegas if I want to just have sex with someone I can. Here its like im super horny and all I can do is jack off. Plus I can't get way from my family. It's like I have no privacy. So jacking off is hard to do anyway lol Is it me or is there not that much stuff to jack off to lately? If you have some good links and want to send them my way i'll let you know how i "feel" about them lol I had this dream last night where I hooked up with this random straight guy in a bathroom. I sucked his dick and he was going crazy at how good it felt. To bad it was only a dream... haha

Anyways... im off to google but not to play. Not enough privacy to play right now.

Wow almost a week.

2010-07-15T02:46:00.000-07:00

Yikes. I have been gone a while lol. I just wanted to make a quick update. Ever since my dad has gotten here we have been having a blast. Its like a complete change in energy around here. I wish I could write about all the stuff in this post but I have about 20 mins to get ready to leave the house for the day and Im still sitting in my PJ's lol

I decided that instead of flying alone I would extend my trip and be with the family. (instead of flying home yesterday I'm staying until the 29th). That also means that I'll be going on a family trip to New York =p Im super excited for that also. I'm thinking about seeing American Idiot on broadway. I was thinking about seeing In The Heights but American Idiot seems more my type. It sounds like a type of musical that rent was but with music from Green Day (which its to bad they only took the songs off that one album. There older stuff is amazing!)

Well anyway. I have been enjoying myself and drinking way to many beers. lol We are taking a trip down to ellat which is the southern part of Israel and can be compared to like the Miami of Israel. We are leaving for that on Sunday. (don't forget Israel is a day a head of America. ex: Monday here is Sunday in America).

Well I have to go jump in the shower. bye =p

Ummm. No.

2010-07-08T11:42:00.000-07:00

Seriosly? I'm a very fun an inejectic person that just happens to be having a though time RIGHT NOW in life. I lost my best fiends, an uncle, and I'm living with people that aredealing with hard times. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm bitching. Maybe I am but come on. Life isn't all shits and giggles. Some times shit happens and my life isn't all fun and games and sometimes I need to vent about it to people that are not my family.

So thanks for being ok with it. I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone.

P.s. I'm extremely busy. I'm going out with my family all day every day. I don't really have much of a choice. So I'm not sitting home bitching on twitter.

P.s.s. Say the cutesy guy three times in Israel so far. Super
Straight. Goes to my cousins school. Fucking hot. American. But like I said. He is straight. He was at the party I went to actually. Lol

alright it's 10pm her so goodnight. Lol tomorrow I get to see my dad and brother. I'm leaving for Vegas in 4 days though. I might extend my flight. Idk. We will see what heppens.

Music Is My Boyfriend.

2010-07-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

[title is from a song. any guesses?]So i just uploaded the blog post from two days ago right now and im waiting for my aunt to pick me up now.

Even thought I am blogging every other day at least its hard for me to upload them in my own privacy. Yesterday was ok. We went out and got lunch at the restaurant right on top of the beach. I love sitting on the back. Its amazing. Pure realization. My cousin im liking with and another cousin of mine that recently moved to israel also joined us. I got to see my aunt and uncle that lived with us in vegas and then moved here around 3 or 4 years ago. Anyway… that was yesterday.

(i left with my aunt by the way and i just got back home.)

I couldn't sleep last night. There is the most annoying ringing in my room EVER. It goes in an out in different random intervals that are all different random lengths. I even tried sleeping with my iPod in but that didn't work. So what did I do? I slept during the day. When I was SO tired it couldn't bother me. Except now im super awake and everyone is tired because they spend the day at the pool. Woo.

So yah. I just got back from BBB (thats burger burger bar). I didn't eat a burger because I had one last night. BEST BURGER EVER by the way. The fries and the caesar salad were both amazing as well. The place was called Wolfnight. AMAZING. So today I just had chicken and fries. Pretty boring. Now im back home and doing nothing. Everyone is doing nothing as well. (nothing as in they are showing or playing games on the iphone and stuff).

So yah. As much as I want to go out there is no where to go or anyone to go with. Fun…

Ok. well im going to sulk in the humidity. Also who has a twitter?!? I need to start following you guys because right now I only know of like 3 of you that tweet haha.

my twitter is: http://twitter.com/sinceyoutweet whats yours?!?!

These blogs are being uploaded a day or 2 delayed.

2010-07-06T08:10:00.000-07:00

So this was my thoughts two days ago lol here you go:

Well… I haven't blogged in a while. I don't have much privacy or time so it doesn't really work out. Like I can type at night in my room but there is no connection here to post it. Oh well…

So here is how its going. Im kind of over it. Israel is fun and all but it doesn't feel like a vacation. I'm living with a family who just lost a husband/dad to cancer. Im going with them to do all the family stuff and its just like I am doing things for them. Like the other day I fixed her videos of him. Today we went and looked at cars that she needs to get because she is getting rid of his car. We went and got dinner and the little kid is crying and she is all depressed. Its not fun after a while…

The my little cousin (he is 4) is really cute but kids really get to me. The cry and cry and get what they want. They are rude and disrespectful and always end up getting what they want. It's absurd. Then again I know. He is a little kid but still. It gets annoying to have to sit in the middle of the freeway for 20min because the kid starts crying.

Like my mom promised me it wouldn't be this way. I told her I only wanted to do 3 things. Be on the beach drinking a beer at sunset, get shwarma (a type of food), and get ice cream at this place that is my favorite. Everyday she promises me the same thing and every day we get stuck doing shit that my aunt needs to do. Literally like im just stuck here for the ride of her family.

Oh and don't you tell me they have it worse. I know they do but its not like my family is better know. Think of the facts: my dad and mom haven't been in the same place for over 3 months now. My mom left and my brother still hansn't seen her in those 2 months. I have seen her but for 14 days then I leave and I don't get to see my dad or brother for another month. Like we all can't be in the same place and see each other. Its impossible.

I feel like everything is going downhill and its scares me. Everything was so good. I'm ready for the end of this roller coaster…

i want a boyfriend and friends that I can consider TRUE friends. I want to be happy again. but how? idk. im just ready for this to be over right now.

tomorrow is going to be different. at least thats what my mom promised. breakfast on the beach. lets see how that one ends up going…

10 days of israel left.

p.s. i deleted danika off Facebook. she posted in this group message about how i was in israel. I got so angry. How dare she say my name. Who the hell does she think she is. And speak for me?!?! go to hell.

So last night was awesome.

2010-07-02T08:24:00.001-07:00

Agh! I had to much fun last night. First off I got a haircut and then I ate dinner. That was really it before the night part.

My cousin who moved here to go to college invited me to a party last night. It was so much fun. I got to meet all these really cool people and for the first time ever I got to legally drink lol Yes! haha not much to it other then the fact that the party wasn't being broken up this time.

I had myself a few shots and a few mixed drinks. I knew my cousin and a friend that she also invited that was visiting. Other then that I met people there. After the party we all went out to this club called Central Park. It was really nice. It was outdoors so it was super hot and sweaty.

Well. I HAVE to go so bye. I'll write more about this latter!

Forgot to post this after posting the wrong post haha

2010-07-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

fml. posted the wrong file last night and then deleted the right one off my laptop. So here is short version lol

So right now its thursday morning. Yesterday after the gardner came and fixed the water the bug spray guy came to spray the house so we had to leave the house. We went and meet up with this guy that is re-doing my uncle's grave. He had it so that the top of his grave is a big garden. So they are going to add water falls and a bridge and asian style flowers. Stuff like that.

After that we went and picked up one of my cousins and we went to eat. While we were there I got my eyebrows waxed next door because the person that does it is my aunts friend. She later joined us for lunch lol Then we went and got my second cousin and went and got my mom a rental car. After that mess we went and spend a few hours at my aunts friend's house. To my surprise im "John from youtube." As everyone knows who I am. lol Kinda cool yet a little creepy lol. Anyway… we headed to their end of the year school play thing that they did. It was boring so I played tetris. I got to level 15. yay haha

So cool trip for you guys (also why i post so late/early). Take the Pacific time and add 3. Then change AM to PM or PM to AM. So it its 11:13pm in LA or LV its 2:13AM here. Da dah! haha

First Day In Israel!

2010-06-29T23:31:00.000-07:00

Well I'm currently in my room downstairs in the basement so the wifi isn't available. That means im typing this in a document and I'll paste it into blogger latter.

There isn't much to say really. I had monday morning and landed in Israel tuesday morning. It was a total of 17 hours of flying. The flight wasn't to bad. I stayed up the night before with my cousin. We went to see Grown Ups (which is an amazing movie by the way) and then we just hung out till 4am when we headed to the airport. The flight was in two parts. From vegas to newark (NJ) and then from newark to Tel Aviv (Israel). The first flight I was so tired but I was forcing myself to stay up so I could sleep on the longer flight. So I used up my iPhone's battery playing games and listing to music. The second flight was so long. I was half asleep between the first 4 hours of the flight and then I couldn't sleep for the rest of the flight. I ended up watching shutter island and it was so good. Other then that the flight was pretty smooth.

I landed here and my mom and my aunt picked me up. We headed to get some food and a few other stuff she needed to get done. Then we headed to her house. Its gorgeous. One of the nicest houses I have seen. It's big and modern and has a cute spacious back yard. Anyways… I took a shower and then my uncle came over to pick up this mic that he bought and was shipped to our house in LV (I brought it in my suit case). Then my uncle, cousin, my mom, and I all went on a little walk to the cafe and I had a coffee. It was nice.

Right now its Wednesday morning. The time at home in las vegas is tuesday night. I have somewhat of an idea of how the day is going but not for sure. I'll let you guys know. Tomorrow night I'm going out with my cousin (thats 20 and goes to college here but lived with me in vegas and grew up with me). We are going to this birthday party and then we are going out to a club. She also said something about taking me to a gay club in Tel Aviv but I don't think she has time really. She has finals going on right now.

Well… I'm waiting for the guy to fix the water because it has a leak and they turned it off. I really want to take a shower. It REALLY humid here as a posed to vegas where its complete dry. So showers are really a blessing haha

K. Well I'm going to go and see whats up with the water guy. I'll talk to you all later! BYE! =p

Got My Laptop Fixed.

2010-06-26T19:02:00.001-07:00

Shout out to the AMAZING apple "genius" who worked some special moves on my mac last night and fixed my laptop.

So other then thinking way to much I haven't done much with my life. I guess thats what summer is for right? Doing nothing. I really needed this break. Vacation time is my time and I love it. Remember how I said I was going to Israel soon? Yah well soon got sooner.

My flight is on the 28th at 6:40am. Its a 17 hour flight total with a stop in NJ. The stop is only an hour and a half so its not that bad. Basically just get my luggage and move it to the next flight and maybe grab a coffee then head onto the flight. I will be there for around 2 weeks.

I wen't shopping the other day. I got a bunch of shorts, shirts, and shoes. I still need to go get some socks and boxers still because I'm running short lol I'm hopping that Israel doesn't turn out the way i'm expecting it to. You know... boring. If anything I'm just going to go to the beach and do nothing all day then just go out alone to a club or something. Idk. We will see.

I keep thinking about the people I went on the trip with. Do they even slightly regret what they did? Do they even think about it? Are they mad at me? There are times when I just want to go "fuck you you ignorant piece of shits I thought were my friends" to their faces. I don't really care much for being friends with them. It's kind of just like a bad breakup except with 3 people rather then one. You have all these memories, inside jokes, songs you sang together, all these firsts that you experienced together, some of the best moments of your life that happened with them and then all of a sudden they are completely gone. Forever. Not even a good bye.

I gained like 6 pounds so far this summer. I think I have picked up this trait where im eating my feelings lol I need to start working out again. I have just been in this shitty mood because of this whole thing. Some nights are really awesome and some are really shitty.

I could call other people and talk to them and hang out with them but I just don't want to. I don't trust people. I'm just not at the point where I can talk to a person without feeling like everything I say to them needs to have a filter to it. Well... other then you guys.

Well... thats about it. I'm going to go now. I'll blog while I'm in Israel for sure so I'm not going to be gone for long. Alright. I'll talk to you guys soon. Bye.

Fuck This Life.

2010-06-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

I want out.

John. You can't just leave everything for nothing.

I want to just leave and live in LA.

You have no place to stay and $1,000 to your name.

You are so far behind fucked. You haven't done shit with you life. Just run.

You can't run. You have a plan just stick to it.

I don't want the plan. Fuck business school. Fuck community college.

Its a plan and its only 2 years till you transfer out. Then your life will start a new.

Fuck that. It's two years in a hell whole. With shit heads that arn't worth shit. Like Shelby. Not to mention she is actually going there. Oh and Taylor is as well.

It's just an education. Get a degree and move on. You don't need to talk to anyone. Just go and leave.

Fuck that. While my friends are partying it up with frats and shit in a dorm out of town.

Thats your fault. You are the one with the not so great GPA and 1400 on your SAT.

Yah, I know. I'm lazy and suck at doing shit work that is a waist of my life. I'm smarter then 90% of the fucking shit heads that I graduated next to and I can say that with absolute certainty.

It's over now. Just get threw the next two years.

I DONT WANT TO SUFFER ANOTHER 2 YEARS. I WANT OUT. I want to live in LA. With a medical marijuana card. I'll fucking figure it out when I get there.

You can't just "figure it out!" That shit doesn't work. Plus. You will have your name on some fucking database. Then its going to come back and hunt you when your 30 and want to do something with your life.

I have been watching weeds all day. I'm going to LA tomorrow to drop my brother at his 2 week camp shit. Then im leaving for Israel. Yup secrets out. My parent's were born in Israel. That's where my moms been at. Im going there for 2 weeks because I have nothing but shit to do here. I literally have been using netflix for then I have been social. I think I might have forgotten how to speak. I'm ready to dip out.

Israel isn't going to be a vacation. Im staying at my aunts house. The house where her husband just died. Where she cries every night because she is still dealing with it. I don't really give to shits right now about going to clubs and drinking (cause I can there) and shit.

I just want a person that I can talk to. That isn't just over the internet. Like a person I can hug or kiss or fuck. But that shit is going to happen. You know why? because no fucking guy has ever likes me. Plus its not like I have that many options right now. I don't know where to find any more gay guys in this city. Fuck. It's not like I hang out in the gay crowd. I don't know how the fuck im going to find a normal guy while im sitting watching fucking netflix.

I'm so done with living every day doing absolutely nothing with my life. I don't like my life right now. I hate it.

I know my life a month ago was fake as shit. Yah... but at least my fake life had me fake happy. Now im miserable as shit.

sorry. just had to vent for a min there. you guys are all i really have left.

My Trip Summary: Day 4-5

2010-06-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

Seriously. You must read parts 1-3 before you read this post. Just a friendly reminder. Also the reason that this is 4 threw 5 is because I kind of dont have a place to stop. It all just keeps going on into the next day. You will understand soon enough lol

Well well well. Last full day in LA. We woke up and drove down to the Kodak Theater hollywood spot where we also got a croissant to eat. We walked around and took pics of the stars and hand prints. All that fun tourist stuff. Then we headed to Universal Studios day 2. The ticket was a buy one get the second day free so yah lol thats why we went again.

We go in and we watch all the shows and stuff. We basically get done with everything really quick and start going on rides over and over again lol The thing is there was one thing that bugged me. No, not bugged me, it disgusted me. They were playing a "game" with each other. This game was who could steal the most stuff. Yes, I'm serious. Did your stomach just cringe? Mine did. That is so low. Like your stealing stuff left and right and then giving it to people as gifts? Shelby: "Don't tell Kenya I stole this for her." or Taylor: "This is for my cousin." really?!? They knew that I didn't like it when they stole stuff because they would throw out comments like John doesnt approve or John doesnt like us doing this. I only responded with "It's something I wouldn't do." I was being as smart as I could be. Every store then went into I left. There was no way in hell I was going to get in trouble for that shit and have to explain why I was arrested on my next application for work. Hell no.

So other then that it didn't really bug me. Other things that I learned later on, bugged them. Like how I spend my money. I guess because I have worked and I have a family that doesn't have to worry about money so much it influenced them in some way. Shelby and Taylor both come from a lower class family, Danika not so much, but she still lives a little tighter then I do and I guess it always easier to go with the people that are down then to fight with the one's that are up. So when they see me with my parents willing to spend $600 on a hotel room last min or me getting a brand new car at 16 when they didn't it kind of like affects them somehow. They saw how I didn' have trouble spending my money at the park. Whether it was ice cream or popcorn or a sweater or a bigger dinner with a nicer tip or the parking or buying them Universal Studios tickets. They say how "easy" it was for me to just pull out a $20 bill and just buy things. I want to mention that I did WORK for all the money I spent on the trip. Remember all those websites and catalogues and graphic work I did?!? Yah. I worked HARD for my money.

So after about a good 4 hours at the park we wanted to go. I was REALLY tired from driving or whatever but I was tired. They wanted to go to the beach which is about 2 hours drive away and I really didn't want to drive. So we just headed to the hotel room. We got there and I really needed to go to the bathroom (number 2) so I rushed in. While I was in there a number of discussions where going on between them three. Lets outline a few:

1. My money and how I spend it. This makes me so mad. Like how the hell are you judging me for that? Why does it matter how much money I have? I get that you can see all the things I have and want them or whatever but it's not like im like: "LOOK I HAVE ALL THIS SHIT AND YOU DONT!! HAHAH!!" no. I don't do that. I just dont understand how you have been to my house you have been friends with me for YEARS and you are judging me for things like this. It doesn't make sense. It's fucked up. Who are you to be telling me how to spend my money when you blow it on shit that you dont need. Like Shelby spent so much money on things before our trip and only got money from her dad after I was like "Shelby get your shit together!" 2 days before the trip.

2. When we were leaving. I made up day 5 for one reason and one reason only: so I dont have to rush driving home tired or whatever. I wanted to wake up whenever, get a breakfast and then when ever I was ready and done eating I would leave. Shelby, Taylor, and Danika had a diff rent idea. Shelby was like lets leave at 6:30am blah blah blah. Umm. No. So I yelled out that we are not leaving early. Two seconds later it was an all out battle of 3 against one on how they wanted to get home before 12am. Umm... Thats leaving at 5am. NOT HAPPENING!! I'm going to be SOO tired and I'm not driving 5 hours on like half awake. No way. I told them we were not leaving before 9:30am and I'm not rushing what so ever. Finally they kind of let me win the argument and immediately started packing. Well... not Shelby, she passed out and did nothing because she was lazy.

3. I was out of the bathroom in the room talking to them half way threw that last argument. Now it was about how we shouldn't go out if we were leaving tomorrow morning. I really wanted to go out. It was like 5pm and it was my last night in LA. Not even till like 9pm just for a hour or two doing something other then sitting in that hotel room with those three packing and the TV blaring the LA Spelling Bee.

I left the room to go talk to my dad on the phone at that point. I was so frustrated. All three of them had officially declaimed a all out war against me. It was such a big reality check. Who the hell am I friends with? People who STEAL and judge me for what I eat and buy. That rather me risk my health so they can get what they want. That really don't care much about me. THESE ARE MY BEST FRIENDS?!? Stealing is like one of the worst things in my mind. Someone worked hard to get that item to be made and into that store so he could make a little bit of money on it and you just took a shit on him and his job. Thats fucked up. Not to mention the employee who is going to get a beating for it at her next review.

My dad told me I just needed to leave the room and go out. He said just go out with a few LA friends or your something but not with them three. So I called up an LA friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a good 2 years to go out for coffee. She said yes at 6:30pm and she lived right buy the hotel. Perfect. I go up to the room and they all three are WIDE awake yelling and laughing and I was like.... umm. I'm going out, waited 10 min and then left.

I had a nice talk with my friend. She was nice and we had a good talk about all the shit that was going on and how we are going to college and all that fun stuff. At 9pm I headed back to the hotel. I was expecting backlash on being back so late and having to rush a shower and go to bed. Nope. I got back and they were just starting to shower and still talking wide awake still. Alright. I waited till they were all done and took a shower. I HAD to talk to my mom so at 10:30pm I went out of the room and sat in my car and talked to her for a good 40 mins. Told her about all the stuff that that I wrote about above and she was just like: just go to bed and wake up and leave. Perfect mom. thanks for the amazing advice lol

So I go to the room. TV is super load and they are sitting in bed. Maybe this will be easier then I thought. Me: "Can you turn the TV off. I'm really tired and we need to wake up early." Click. Not a word. In literally less then 30 sec they all ran to the corner of the room (the corner where I WAS SLEEPING) and started whispering. Now please... when a person is trying to sleep, they can hear every word you whisper. Even if you are in a little circe.

Oh I was SOOOO frustrated. Like beyond describing. I wanted to punch them in the face. All three of them were being so fucking rude. I had to drive 5 hours in less then 10 hours and you should be making sure I get extra sleep not worrying about your little conversations. Fuck that. So I got up and with a pretty angry tone:

Me: "Are you kidding me? I have to wake up in less then 10 hours and drive home. I can't sleep with you three in a corner whispering and laughing eating potato chips and shit. Do me a favor and go to bed. I really don't care about how you want to talk right now. It's definitely time to go to bed."

I mean come one. Someone had to be the responsible one right? They get all pissed off and started getting there cell phones and room keys and left to room "so you can sleep," is what they said to me. Fine. Good. I called my mom because I was soooo angry and she calmed me down. She told me just go to bed you only need to see them in the morning and thats it. So I did.

Then at 3am in the morning they walk into the room and they say something that will forever be embedded into my brain. Something that I will never forget:

Danika: "We are leaving. Our ride is down stairs. Keys are on the table." (my keys. thanks for asking me if you can take them.)

Me: "Fine. Goodbye. Night."

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!?!??!

Really?

I MEAN RALLY?!?!?

Oh I was so fucking mad and hurt. Who does that to a person? WHO?!? You don't leave a person in a different state, alone. Oh I was so fucking angry. I called my mom again. I wanted to punch a wall. How fucked up are you that you can do that to someone. Really?!? After an hour or so my mom got me to try to go to sleep. I couldn't though. As much and as hard as I tried I could no fall asleep. I was mad and pissed and sad and alone and hurt and happy and idk. It was like this mix of emotions that were consuming my brain and that ability to go to sleep. I finally fell asleep at 6am and woke up at 8:30am. I just wanted to get out of that room. It disgusted me. Every inch of it. Every towel. The other bed. Everything. I wanted out. I didn't even get dressed. I just put on a sweater and my shoes and checked out.

I drove to the gas station across the street. Got gas, water, a diet coke and snakes so I would have something to do on the drive home alone and left. I was so mad. I wanted to get home as soon as possible. I wanted to see my dad (my mom is still out of the state dealing with my uncle's death with my aunt). I wanted my clean nice bed. I wanted out of that city. I drove as fast as I could. I think I reached 108 mph at a point. I knew what I was doing was wrong and dangerous but for fuck sake I wanted to get home. I stopped twice. Once for coffee because I was so tired and once to pee. I got home in 4 hours instead of 5hrs and 30 min like my GPS said it would take.

There was no contact from my friends. Not to make sure I was home safe. Not to make sure I was ok. Nothing. I learned a few thing on that drive home when I was talking to my dad on the phone:

1) My parents asked me to get their parents numbers just in case and I had them write it down on a paper. It turns out Danika wrote her cell instead. Stupid right? What if she got lost? What if she got an allergic reaction and I needed to know something in a second and we needed to talk to her mom. Taylor did the same thing as well. Wrote her cell. So how did my dad find this out? Well my dad called Danikas "mom" at 3am and left her a message to know that they were driving home just to make sure she knew that I wasn't responsible for them and to make sure she knew what was going on. She didn't answer and he left a message and he never heard back. He was so worried about it all night. I felt so bad. Taylor answered and gave the phone to someone who pretended to be her mom and my dad just knew they were lying. He told me this in the morning. He just wanted to make sure they got home safe and no one was answering his calls anymore. Funny. He cared and they were still acting like idiots. They disgusted me. So much.

2) So it tunes out my dad heard a name on that fake phone call with Taylor's mom. It was Kenya. NOT a parent. Kenya was the one that drove to LA in the last second in the middle of the night. She also just got her license and already hit a stop sign and got 3 tickets. She drives 75 mph in a 30 mph zone and 120 mph in a 60 mph zone. Kenya was the one that drove at 11:30pm all the way to the hotel and left at 3am all the way back to vegas. Thats a good 8 hours of straight driving on NO sleep in 48 hours. How stupid could these people get? I was more disgusted by them if that was even possible.

3) They didn't care about me AT ALL. Not even a text to see if I got home safe since I was driving tired, alone, 5 and a half hours, to a different state back to Las Vegas for the first time ever. Wow. I never will forgive them for that.

I got home and my dad was really worried about them. So he drove to Danikas house to make sure she at least got home ok. No one answered the door and Danika kept ignoring his calls. I found their house number on her brothers facebook page. After the third call at 9pm her dad answered and it turnes out she did get home.

I got a text from Danika that night: "Just making sure you got home fine." I waited a few hours and sent: "Im fine."

That was my trip. I actually got a text late last night from Taylor (thats about 5 days later): "Hey John things ended in Cali kind of crappy but I'm still really happy we went and I really appreciated the tickets. I hope things can still be ok with us. I love you a lot." I still havn't responded to that text. She waited 5 days so I'm waiting at least three. I'm not going to say: "yay. i love you 2. were friends." I don't know if I can forgive them that fast for that. No way.

So how am I? Well i have learned a lot about life threw this all. I came threw it all and im alive. I don't have any best friends anymore. No one to talk to other then my mom and dad. Just me. I havn't gone out or done anything other then last night with my dad and his work friends. Yah.

I'll leave you with a quote from Christofer Drew song: "My whole life is not what it seems, it's not a fairy tale or a damn wet dream, its just a life."

thanks for caring. it means a lot!

-John.

My Trip Summary: Day 3

2010-06-16T19:59:00.000-07:00

This is part 3 of 5. If you havent read part one or two you should go read them... no really. Im serious. STOP HERE. If you read on you will have a completely different view of the situation. Ok? Read part 1 and 2? Lets continue...

Day three. Well I was a tad disgusted with the way shelby was acting but at the same time I didnt want to even bring it up. I wanted the rest of the trip to go smoothly and thats how I was planning it to turn out. I told myself that morning that those little comments wont get to me if I dont let them. So thats how I pushed forward.

We woke up early enough to go to Universal Studios Hollywood and eat some breakfast at City Walk. The morning was going well and I was feeling good about the day. Shelby decided she was going to sit shotgun. Thats the drivers seat for the people that didn't know. She had bought this really long lollipops that twirl to the top at Six Flags. She put it in between the cup holders and my coffee so it would stay up. Now I didnt really care but the problem was every time I went to change gears (well... drive, reverse, park, ect.) It would get on my hand it then I would have sticky, saliva candy all over my hand. So before we even left the parking lot I asked her kindly (it didnt even bother me that much, I just didnt want to get all sticky) to move it because it was in my way. Well because I was focusing on driving and had totally forgot about it, it turns out she didnt move it and my hand felt like a little kid had tried to stick a lollipop onto my hand 27 times. BUT WAIT. Thats not even how I noticed that she hadn't moved it! I only noticed that part until after. After what you ask? After I went to pick up my coffee and it falls over and she yells (yah. yells. while im driving the crazy streets of hollywood): "WTF JOHN?!?! THAT WAS HOLDING MY CANDY?" I had no idea it was still there. I didn't even look at my coffee before I went to pick it up because I just know where my cup holders are. It pissed me off but like I said I didn't want to ruin the trip so I said: "Well I asked you to move it like 20 min ago because it was in my way and I'm kind of driving." and then she really pissed me off: "Oh yah. Whatever John wants we have to do and god forbid I but something by him!!" really bitch? was that REALLY necessary. So I decided that this was going to far and we NEEDED to have a little discussion before this gets worse then it already had. So I go: "Shelby this isn't ok we need to talk." but shelby is WAY to immature for that move right? She goes ahead and stickers her earbuds in her ears and ignores me. Yah. I felt like I was in middle school all over again. So for the rest of the trip I shut up. No one said anything and the radio was off. The whole way.

We got to the parking and of course Shelby reminds me that I'm paying for it. Yah... cause I forgot that I was spending another $20 on your cheep ass. Thanks. I didnt say that though. Just said yes. I decided on the parking where you get to park right by the entrance in a garage for $3 more. Shelby goes on a tangent about how worth it is and that she would totally take that option (yes, that is important for part 4). We park and we get ready to go in for breakfast. We all decided on this amazing crepes place in City Walk right by the entrance to Universal Studios. I wanted another coffee and there was a coffee bean right next door so I went with taylor. I talked to her about the whole stupid lollipop thing and she agreed with me that it was out of hand and "unnecessary." At that point I was just read to rip her ticket in front of her face and be like if you want to come with us go buy your own ticket I rather throw away $60 then give it to your disrespectful ass. I told that to Taylor also. She reacted like I didnt say it though. We go back to finish our crepes and then we head to go into the park.

Im super excited and I handed them their tickets. We get in line to the entrance and I'm really excited. I'm taking both Shelby and Taylor to a theme park they have never been to before. This is a big deal for them and I'm really excited that I could do that for my friends. So we are in line right... and I politely ask Shelby if she "wouldnt mind putting my ticket in your purse once we get inside so I won't loose it or get it wet or something. If not thats ok." Yah... I guess that was a mistake. (P.s. the tickets were a full sheet of printer paper and thats why I asked in the first place)

Shelby: "What? why can't you just put it in your pocket? Your not going to get that wet like you said? Why?"

Me: "It would just be more comfortable for me if you had it in your purse but if you dont want to just tell me thats ok..." (getting cut off)

Shelby: "Agh why do you ahve to be such a douche bag all the time."

OHHHH. HELL no. Does she not realize that we are talking about the same piece of paper that I gifted her? The one that cost me $6o? HOW AM I A DOUCHE BAG FOR GIVING YOU AN EXPENSIVE GIFT?!?! it went on...

Me: "Really Shelby!?! Im so over this!!"

Shelby: "Your over this. I was done with you three weeks? I didn't want to come with you on this trip. You guys made me. I was done with you three weeks ago."

Me: "Your the one thats being an asshole to me and..." (getting cut off).

Shelby:"Because you annoy the hell out of me John."

a few seconds of pause because I wanted to calm myself down but I couldn't...

Me:"Im so close to just taking that ticket away because you..." (cutoff)

Shelby: "Then take it. Just take it."

Me:"Alright. FINE."

I took it from her. Now I know that this was the wrong thing to do but I was MAD. I had like 25% control and the rest was pure anger that was fulling me. We stood there in line not saying a thing. Then right before it was our turn...

Danika: "John just giver her the ticket back."

Me: " No. If she wants to go with us then she can go buy her ticket RIGHT OVER there."

Danika: "You know she wont pay for a ticket and you know that she is just going to rome around by herself. We cant just leave her."

By this time Shelby was gone. I don't know when she left or where when went but by this time she was no longer in the line with us.

Me: "Do you not understand me? I rather throw away my money then give it to her. If she is done with me then I'm done with her and when I'm done with someone I don't stick around for 3 weeks just because they give me free shit. There is no way in hell she is getting this ticket that I paid for from me."

Danika: "Then take my ticket cause if she isn't going neither am I."

Taylor: "Uhh I still want to go." (yah that was actually heard in between the whole fighting thing lol)

She gave me her ticket and we went away from the line. Danika was oh so worried about Shelby and was REALLY pissed off at me. She started yelling at me for not being mature and acting like an adult and "ruining her trip." I definitely defended myself and half way threw she started noticing that I was in the right and that she crossed WAY over the line this whole trip BUT IT WAS LIKE SHE WAS BLINDED. No matter what she was the perfect angel and I was the devil that ruined it all. Like no matter what she did I she was the victim.

There was more conversation and I could quote it all but this post is way to long and not even 1/3 over yet. So while Danika was trying to find Shelby (calling her and looking around) she was attacking me and then asked Taylor what she taught. Taylor started to talk and she was the only one that understood me at that moment. She said she still wants to in and that shelby was... thats all she got out because Shelby answered her phone and Danika was not listing. It seriously seemed like Danika was in love with her or something.

In those 2 seconds of her being on the phone and guiding her over to where we were I had a second to control myself and when she got over to us I said alright lets all sit and talk but again Shelby didnt want to talk to me and then she yelled some more at me and then Danika basicly was in the middle of us YELLING at me and then I set her straight and was like lookie here buddy she was being a fucking asshole to me I can't just sit back and take it. So she goes to shelby and was like you both need to calm down but not in a "shelby you where wrong" sort of way. Shelby was still the victim. Shelby started yelling at me and then I just BLEW UP. It all rushed to my head and I couldn't be around her anymore: "NO. NO. NO. YOU DONT WAN'T TO TALK TO ME THEN WERE NOT TALKIN."

I went to my car. I cried hard. I never cry this hard. I didn't cry this hard when my uncle died. She hurt me. She pushed me away. All I ever did was try so hard to be a good friend. I put so much into our friendship. I cared for her in the middle of the night when she had no place to stay. I drove her home when she was drunk at some party. I bought her things because it made me happy to see her happy but not Shelby. She hurt me because she loved seeing me hurt. She was rude and disrespectful and she HURT me. I was so done. Like guys you know me. Am I really that bad of a person?!? Have I ever talked shit about someone in this blog? No. I loved shelby. I cared about her life and her future. I even wrote a whole post about it. I didn't sleep at night worrying about her at times. This is what I get? I get "you annoy me" and "I'm done with you" and "why are you such a douce bag?" Well I'm done with you Shelby and when I'm done with someone I'm DONE with them.

Taylor came to the car and talked to me. I was balling tears. She agreed with me but she didn't say much. I literally let my heart out to the girl. After a good 5 min of crying to Taylor I calmed down and she asked me a good question: "So what are you going to do?" I though so hard about it. I didn't want her in my car. I didn't want her in the hotel room I paid for and I didn't want to see her face let alone talk to her. When I'm done then im done. Just like im done with high school. I'm never going to see or go back there. I'm done with her. I needed to calm down and Taylor knew this and she calmed me down and then again she asked me: "So what are you going to do?" I though long and hard. She reminded me how im responsible to get her home. How I brought her here and how I needed to make sure I get her home. So as much as I wanted to leave her for the dogs at that point I didnt.

I went back with a plan. I will drive her to the bus stop. I will make sure she has a ticket and I will make sure that someone picks her up. Then I'm done.

Danika flipped again: "That's what you came up with? She was ready to apologize. All you had to do was say sorry and talk to her."

Me: "Me say sorry to her? A million apologies would ever make me even thing abut forgiving her."

Danika threw a fit about wanting to go home is she goes home and how we are driving home right now and that I ruined her trip and she refused to talk with me. I told her we are not leaving because I have a paid hotel room and I'm not driving home. At this point everyone was just acting stupid (other then Taylor). I wasn't talking to Shelby and Danika ran off to where the car was. I went and called my dad and Taylor and Shelby went and talked to Danika.

My dad basically is like one of the most important people in my life right now. He helped me out so much with advice. He told me just to forget about her one more day and cut the trip short and come home. I really didn't want to but I knew that the other girls would never even think about letting me leave her by herself. So I thought about it and came to the conclusion that he was right and I was REALLY wrong. I was responsible for taking her home.

I went over to them and I talked to them. Well mostly to Shelby. I told her about how much she hurt me and I started to cry again. She said she knew we weren't going to be friends after the trip because we fight all the time. So to summarize what happened in the rest of the conversation was we agreed to just go in and not talk to each other. Yay we are all good? (not really but enough to get threw the day). Danika isn't she wont talk to me and is being all pissy. We go in and I do end up apologizing to Shelby just because I didn't wan to ruin the day. She said she forgives me (It was all a show). I ask Danika if we can be civil and how im sorry and how I didn't mean to ruin her trip and she shoots back at me "Oh I can be civil because I'm an adult!" umm... yah. that was very "adult" of you ignoring me back there lol (i didn't say that).

So we go into the park. Danika starts planning the day out. She starts talking and she is slowly getting over it all. Shelby and Taylor start asking me questions and stuff. Eventually we get to the point where we are ok with each other. The day passes without another "fight" with Shelby. AMAZING. The rest of the day was the only time I really enjoyed my trip. We rode a bunch of rides and then we headed out. We really wanted to do something because it was only 5pm (the park closes at 6pm). So my GPS points me to the Hollywood sign. Alright lets go! My GPS takes me on the rout that is like a back alley way. We can't stop anywhere and its all homes up on the HUGE hills. We get to this huge gate that we cant get threw and we get out to take pictures. There were signs every where: "NO PARKING!" and "SECURITY ALARM ACTIVE" so we rushed back to the car adn dove back down the narrow steep street. Almost hitting cars and trash cans (I actually hit a trash can but lets pretend that didn't happen."

Then we get down and we are like super hyped with this secret mission type thing we just did lol It was awesome. So we were like alright. Lets go to the walk of fame. It was getting late and if you didn't know... its not the nicest place to be at night. lol So we get there and we start walking and Shelby was like... "Umm this isn't what I meant. I meant like the Kodak theater and stuff." so me and Danika where like ok. miscommunication. Shelby REALLY wanting to pick a fight kind of starts one with Danika and Taylor. I stay out of it. I learned my lesson. I was wrong and she was right. We get back and Shelby is throwing a fit about having to pay for the $3.75 parking (yes, they payed me to the penny each time). I didn't say a word and we drove to the hotel.

That wasn't the end of the night though. We still wanted to go out for the night. So I called up a few LA friends of mine and they pointed us to this new really nice Hookah Lounge that was like 6 min away from our hotel. We go there and we have a bowl or two and talk. While we are there we get a phone call from our other friends that they want to do something spontaneous and adventurous (at 9pm) so they are driving to LA. Where to they don't know. They have no place to stay or things to do here. So they drove here. (just so you know there names where Kenya and Natalie and they got to LA safe and stayed the night a venice beach and slept in their car then woke up and drive home. p.s. venice is one of the scariest places to be at night. crazy druggies everywhere). All my friends where like wtf? thats crazy. I can't believe you would do that. (this is important for part 4).

So we are tired and then leave to the hotel. Other then that huge fight and me and Shelby never being friends again after the trip it was still a good fun day. But WAIT!! Part 4 is even worse then this...

My Trip Summary: Day 2

2010-06-14T13:25:00.000-07:00

I want to make sure that you guys understand that this trip already happened last week. So thanks for all the advice on what to do and how to handle it but it already happened so there is not much I can do as of now other then tell the story. Again, this is part 2 of 5. Enjoy:

We woke up early because we were going to go to Six Flags that day. We wanted to eat breakfast before we left that way we wont be hungry at the park or anything and have to eat and throw up haha. Anyway there happened to be a Denny's right there so we went and got some breakfast. If you care here is what I got to eat: http://twitpic.com/1vb0an

We headed to Six Flags. I started the day out with Shelby nagging me left and right once more. When I saw 12 school busses full of little children I went "Oh fuck. There is so many people here!" Shelby had to comment: "Why are you being so negative. Just because there are a few busses doesn't mean the park will be packed." Umm... actually Shelby thats exactly what it means but no, I didnt say that to her because I was stopped by my friends saying: "John. Just stop fighting." How am I fighting if she is the one being a rude bitch?!?!

That didnt stop there. It definitely continued threw out the day. Whether I was being called negative for saying a ride sucked or maybe I was being controlling because I planned the next couple rides out OR my favorite calling every guy gay because I pointed out that they were cute, I was doing something horribly wrong. Those were 3 of the amazingly abundant things that we were "fighting" about. I wouldn't call it fighting but my friends definitely got on my case and called it that, "Can we all just get along and be friends?" In my head I really wanted to say fuck no she is being a douche bag but in reality I didnt want to ruin the trip so once more I stfu.

We went on all the ride's we wanted to go on and more and at least one per line another one of her comments were thrown out at me. At around 5:30pm we were hungry and soaking wet thanks to the lovely rapid's ride they have at Six Flags. We changed plans and instead of heading straight to eat we had to go to the hotel room and change. I literally drove home with just my wet boxers and a shirt on because my jeans were so soaked.

Once we got to the hotel and changed we headed to city walk to grab some food and do a little walking around. We went to stores and stuff and we got matching customized bracelets that say: "Cali 2010" Cute right? Yah... We went and got a table at the Hard Rock Cafe and ate dinner. It was soooo good but it was getting late and really cold so we headed home right after we ate.

We got in the car and left the parking lot when... "WAIT! I LOST MY PHONE! STOP THE CAR!!" Yup. The oh so responsible Shelby lost her phone. She ran back to the restaurant and Danika ran over to the valet to see if she left it there. Both come back empty handed. Taylor turned around and its sitting on the backseat of my car. It was ok though because it gave me a min or two to talk to Taylor about how much Shelby was annoying the fuck out of me and I really did need to vent.

Then we headed back to the hotel. I dont remember exactly what conversations were said that night but im pretty sure there were some more comments from Shelby. It was really playing a toll on me. I mean how much can one person take in before exploding? Hoping everything would be fine I went to bed that night knowing that it wouldn't. Shelby was seeing that she could keep pushing me and keep getting away with it and that was just causing her to get worse and worse. If I didn't have my mom to talk to over the phone every night I think I might have went crazy by then.

That was part 2 of 5. Lets say that this was just the rising action and the climax is in part three. Done worry though because the falling action is also in part 3 leaving some more rising action and another climax in part 4. Yah... it gets bad.

My Trip Summary: Day 1

2010-06-12T20:51:00.000-07:00

I can make this 30 pages long or I could make it 5. Im going to be posting it in 5 parts. Day 1-5. So check back tomorrow for the rest of the story. First I want to say thank you to the kind people out there that read and comment my blog. Right now I dont really have anyone I can talk to other then my family about anything and the fact that there are people out there that care enough to read and come back means SOOO much. So thank you.

A trip that four best friends planned. It was Shelby, Taylor, Danika, and I. Originally planned was to go to six flags and that it. We were going to stay my my grandma's house for two nights just so I didnt have to drive at night. We latter decided that we should stay for a longer period of time and I got them four tickets to Universal Studios. I can't say that they were extremely thankful but they were excited to go. Which made me excited. So here was the plan: 5 days, 4 nights at grandma's: first day drive there and head to venice beach and 3rd street. second day six flags, third and fourth at universal, and 5th driving home.

The night before was graduation. My grandma called my aunt to let her know that she had to go out of the country last min and was leaving Wednesday (day 2 of the trip: six flags). After a bunch of calls back and forth with her and my dad they came to the conclusion that her roommate who is a family friend was being a fucking asshole and didn't see "why he needs the mess" while my grandma is gone. So we had no wear to stay at night. My dad being the most amazing dad ever decides to get us a room at a best western inn. I hated the fact that my dad had to pay anything for the trip. It was planned all along that I would finance the whole thing for myself and they just needed to trust me. The room cost more then the trip itself. $600. It was crazy. It hurt that they didn't even say thank you to my dad the next morning when I told them the change in plans. I moved on. I wasn't going to let anything ruin the trip.

We drive there and we head to venice beach. I try to explain to them that Venice isnt really a swim at the beach with the nice sand type of place. It only angered Shelby because she wasn't having any of it. We got there and because it was a tuesday there was less clean people and more homeless and druggie people. They stayed away from the boardwalk but they still weren't to thrilled about the whole thing. We then drove down to 3rd street for dinner. Shelby threw a little fit about not wanting to spend money on food and wanted to go eat fast food. The rest of us wanted a place to sit down and eat something nice. So she threw a fit again once we choose to go to Johnny Rockets because she "didnt like burgers." Little fun fact: she wanted to get in n' out at barstow (half way to LA) but the line was way to long. She finally agreed to go and at least look at the menu and finally realized that she did like some stuff there. She butted heads with me more saying things like: "you though i wasnt going to like the food but i never said that." or "why do you always have to be right?" Stupid shit like that. I let it all slide because I didnt want to fight. Comments like "would you guys stop fighting!" were thorn out there but it wasnt like we were doing more then arguing.

After dinner we went and got fanny packs at American Apparel haha It was for six flags and universal because we cant take things on the ride. We got that and then left for the inn. We got there and we wanted to go swimming but shelby got sunburned and wanted me to drive to the gas station across the street to get aloe and sunscreen for the days to come. So we go and she didnt find aloe. We swim for a good hour or so and it gets late. I tell them I think we should head to bed because we have a long day the next day. Then shelby asks me to go on another drive to another gas station because her sunburn is "that bad." We go and they dont have any. The cashier tells her about the target a few street lights away and I drive her there in my flip flops, wet bathing suit, a shirt and a towel.

We finally get back to the room and we all take showers. We all talk a little and watch TV before heading to bed.

PICS I TOOK THAT DAY: http://twitpic.com/1v4ca7

This was part 1 out of 5 of my trip to LA. This is just the beginning and there is WAY more stuff that happened. Life changing stuff. So come back tomorrow for part 2.

Leaving for LA - Follow Me!

2010-06-08T07:46:00.001-07:00

since im going to be at cali im not going to blog as much so i decided to get a twitter for this blog: https://twitter.com/sinceyoutweet yay!!

if it goes well ill keep it going. if no one follows then... haha anyways. its 8 and we are leaving in an hour and I just got out of the shower... yes. im blogging naked. haha

alright well. gotta go. love you guys!

This Is My Favorite Candle.

2010-06-04T23:06:00.001-07:00

"This is the breakfast room where we eat breakfast. We eat breakfast. If its breakfast we are eating here. If its not breakfast were not eating here. If I want to eat breakfast im going to be eating here."

haha best youtube video ever. Every time I watch it I laugh. Plus it has some of my favorite youtubers in it which makes it even better. If you havent seen it or still have NO idea what im talking about go watch it after you read the rest of my post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyfvlYrP7Gs

I decided to take my car and go ahead and get a GPS. I did some research and im probably going to go with a Tom Tom. The iphone app that tom tom has is great and all but then i have to worry about battery and getting calls and stuff. Also AT&T isn't my favorite network to put my trust into. So having maps downloaded on the device is a plus.

The present went well. They all liked it and we are deciding to stay an extra day. I pulled out the itinerary (which really is just the times we need to leave the house and the place to avoid traffic) and they were like "oh wow. of course you planned it all out. BUT in my defense i really didnt. I dont want to have to much of a plan because then im not having as much fun. I really want to be able to go with the flow and do things on the fly. If things change its no big deal. Yah know? I just want to be safe and smart because its a big trip and im all on my own.

Today was fun. I went over to lesbian's house for her grad party. We had burgers and hung out in the pool. Pretty fun and productive day other then that. I finished the catalogue. Well we still need to label them with the item numbers but im waiting on the client for that information. So I have finished my part. Tomorrow I need to finish the web store. I was planning on heading to AAA and maybe going to Best Buy to check out some GPS stuff. Also I really need to get a haircut. I need to see if my hair person has anything available monday morning because i have graduation that day and then the next day im leaving for the trip. My hair really is way to long lol

Since its summer im going to start writing long blog posts after the trip and this project is out of the way. More stories and stuff. Im also thinking about getting a new theme. Idk if I want to because I kind of like the one I have even though its like a standard one. Well goodnight! I'll talk to you all tomorrow. =p

Trip. Graduation. Life.

2010-06-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

Ok to tell you the truth I kind of just want to put my name out there. Im not trying to tease you or anything im just telling you guys that im starting to trust more and stuff and that is leading me to the idea of just showing you guys my real twitter, youtube, and dailybooth. lol The only problem I see is foursquare and my full name is everywhere. Which im thinking of just deleting. So idk what to do there but we will see.

Yesterday we had graduation rehearsal. It was the last time I have to step into that building that was my high school. Yay! I got my cap and gown and my card that I need to have for them to read my name. So thats that. Im done with high school kinda. Graduation is the 7th.

THEN the trip is the day after. Wait. Let me get back to that...

So after graduation rehearsal I went home and worked. That night I invited a few friends over and we went swimming at night. Fun times lol

Ok, back to the trip!! OMG im excited. I decided that im going to go ahead and get them the gift. Which is tickets to Universal Studios. I planned out the trip (i made an itinerary. yah. im OCD about planning haha) and made it so we can go without having to stay another day BUT since its a buy one day get the second free they have the option to stay another day so its whatever. I didnt buy the tickets yet and im not going to surprise them. I thought it would be a better decision to surprise them tomorrow at Lesbian's party with a fake ticket I made lol Then if they dont want to go or anything then I dont get fucked over with a $230 bill. lol

While I was making the trip itinerary today, which by the way has pictures and everything. yah. im the gay one. lol, my dad made a comment about how im getting from place to place and how I need a GPS and offered to let me take his Lexus which has the whole call in assistant navigation, iPod, sensors,back up camera, XM radio/weather, and traffic info. The only thing I see is that I'm not really comfortable with the car. I've had my car (Nissan Altima) for 2 years now and I am so comfortable with making sharp turns or having to maneuver in tight spaces. Stuff like that. Also I wouldnt want to like have to worry about his car the whole time. So I'm looking at just getting a 40$ full feature GPS app on my iPhone. It has traffic live, text to speech, and all that fun stuff so it would work pretty well. Idk. We will see. Also gas on his car is the expensive kind and money is a big factor with my friends chipping in.

Tomorrow is Lesbian's grad party. Like I said I made them like fake tickets to Universal and I put them in envelopes and stuff. So I'm excited to give it to them! Then the weekend. It's going to be torture lol I can not wait for that trip. SOO fucking excited. Oh yah.. graduation lol that too.

Blah Blah Blah. An old friend wants to go see Thunder Down Under with me. idk if we are going to go though. She is always flaky so whatever.

Umm. yah. thats about it. Heading back to work now. bye! =p

Pride Pics.

2010-05-31T11:00:00.000-07:00

genuinely forgot. Here they are. (p.s. im going to blog later today. im just in a rush to get shit done right now lol) The second one had the HOTEST ass in the world. They were wearing nothing but tight wight boxer briefs.

Refresh.

2010-05-30T10:11:00.000-07:00

I took a couple days off on the blog. Needed to refresh a bit.

First, thanks =p

Second, thanks again.

Third, how are you? I feel like we haven't "talked" in a while.

Forth, I FINALLY GOT THOSE PICS FROM PRIDE! One of them didnt download right but im going to try again and see if it works. I'll post them at the end of the post. =p

I just wanted to really quickly update you on my friend I wrote about. She is currently with some guy that is giving her a little attention. She has missed about 3 or 4 big social events with her best friends to go make stupid decisions again. I understand you guys to know her and you can only go off what im saying, which means you are looking for the best in the person. I talked to my friends about it. They all feel the same way as I did. I ended up telling one of the girls that I trust the most about the surprise because I needed help on deciding. She didn't help me much because she said the same thing as I did in the post. She said in the long run for her it's a reassurance that she doesn't need to try hard in life. That things will always be giving to her and that I would be the one that she asks things of and when she doesn't receive she will blow up. K. Thats that. Just wanted to update you all on that thing now back to the post.

These past few days have been very un-gay. I mean no gay stuff is going on. I dont have a boyfriend, I haven't met any new gay guys. Nothing. It's been fry since pride. Im going to college soon so im hopping that will change! =p

I have been focusing on film and stuff. Me and a partner, her name is shelby, are working together on a youtube channel. We just started the process. We had our first meeting where we came up with all the details like the name and the schedule of uploading videos, when we are going to launch, what type of videos we want to do, video ideas, ect. Then we had our second meeting this past friday where we wrote four different skits type videos. Our first filming day is tuesday. =p Im excited.

These past few days have been pretty awesome. Friday was like the longest day ever. Shelby (the friend that makes stupid decisions) called me at 12:30am when i was sleeping. She needed a place to stay. She says she was to tired to drive 30min home. My theory is that she was going to sleep at this guys house and then his mom got mad so she had no place to stay. So she called me. Woke ME up. Then at 7am I got a text from her friend saying "wake up now!" why? i have no idea. So i go wake up the friend. I didnt have finals that day but she did. She told me that she was paranoid last night and stayed up studying for three hours because she had her english final and she needed to do good on it or she wont pass the class and wouldn't graduate. (umm. then why the fuck did you drive all the way to a different city to see some bands show that you couldn't even get into because is was 21+ and then drive all of your "fiends" home and then take the guy home?) Anyway. I didnt care much about me being woken up. I could have slept for another couple hours but whatever. Then (an hour late cause of the friend). I went to IHOP with my other friend taylor for breakfast. SOOO GOOD =p I love her. She is the one I talked to about the whole trip surprise thing. We had an amazing couple of conversations. Then we headed to the park with my other friend Danika (she is the fourth member of the trip). Anyway then I had a meeting with shelby about the youtube stuff. We wrote and all. After that we were going to see Sex and the City 2 but then we changed plans. I went and got a plastic tube, hose type thing and fixed my hookah hose. It was pretty epic of me. Then I also got a wide-angle lens and super glued a ring on my flip so i could screw it on. It looks amazing and works awesome. The guys at best buy where like wtf? I wouldn't recommend that. Well... I do. =p

That was friday.

Yesterday, Saturday, I basicly worked all day. Yah. Thats it. I still need to finish the project. Deadline it 10am tomorrow and im going out tonight to a family BBQ which I cant dip out. Then im going to a concert. So we will see if I finish. GTG work!! =p bye!

My friend.

2010-05-26T22:55:00.000-07:00

I love her to death but she is very naive about life. She makes stupid decisions all the time. It's like there is a part in her brain that just skips right over the "maybe i should think about this" step.

She comes from a broken home. Dad and mom dont really have much. Education or money wise. They are separated and truthfully dont seem to care much. I quote glee: "im your mother but not your mom" diffrent situation but it fits lol. She lived in a bad part of town and she went to a bad school. She and this other girl were the only white kids there. I hate to say it but the kids there either turn to drugs or get pregnant by the time they are 19.

The thing with her is she got lucky. She got to go to a good school in the nice part of town. She meet people that helped her out and loved her and gave her a place to stay on the weekend so she didnt need to drive back and forth. They cared and made her family. She has so much potential in life but she still fails.

She makes bad/stupid decisions left and right. She always gets hurt and no matter what she always makes them. Whether its about a guy, her friends, her money, what she is doing, whatever. It's these kind of decisions that are going to kill her one day. The whole high school/being around your friends/controlled environment, is over. The real world is here and im scared she isnt going to be so lucky anymore.

Im scared she is going to end up like her sister or her family or something. With a baby but no father, some dead beat boyfriend, drugs, drunk, living in some shitty apartment.

There is a point where "you need to learn from your own mistakes" turns into "when are you going to start learning from your mistakes?"

I see that, and it hurts me. I see where she could potentially end up and every time she makes a stupid decision and she doesnt listen to me and totally has no idea that she did... i get hurt because i care.

Now I dont mean stupid decisions like doing drugs or whatever. I mean really stupid decisions. Stuff like abandoning your best friends planned celebratory night because some guy texted you and is showing you a little attention. Or spending your money on something stupid when you have a senior trip planned out where everyone has been specific on how we need the money to go. Or having a major leadership role like being an assistant director and not doing ANYTHING at all for 4 months. Oh and my favorite... pushing people buttons to the point where I can't handle being around her. It sounds simple but its the point that she has no responsibility or shown that she can handle it. It's like she isnt grown up sometimes.

So what do I do? Tell her? Is that to tough for tough love? Will it ruin our friendship? Even if it does will it save her? Should I just step back and see how it all plays out and just hope for the best?

Don't tell me im over reacting because im not. My friends have sat and talked about this before. Its apparent that she most likely will end up being "white trash" if she keeps acting so immature and making these stupid decisions. Keep in mind that if you think im over reacting maybe I just didnt do a good job of explaining her ways to you (which i fear may be the case).

You Advice Is Epic.

2010-05-25T21:18:00.001-07:00

Thanks guys! It really did help me out tuns. Still really behind and kinda "shutting down" (jon you read me like a book haha). I'm really scared about not graduating right now. I did the math. I need a 75% or better on my english final to pass the class. That is without the makeup work im hopping my teacher will still put in for this quarter. If I dont pass english im going to die. IM NOT DOING A SEMESTER OF THIS SHIT lol no way. Yet im still not doing any of the work I should be doing right now. Im still a mess. I NEED this to pass. One more day till finals start. Yikes. English is all im worried about.

Also I need to finish this website and catalogue. It should have been done already and its not. I keep pushing the deadline back and back and now its thursday. I dont think Im going to finish it by thursday. Not with this whole graduation shit going on. Its $2,000 on the line. I need that money to sign up for classes.

Also my graduation orientation was today. It was more like "DONT DO THIS, THAT, AND DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT THINKING ABOUT DOING THIS!" yah. so ready to be done with school. it hit me when they said: "as soon as you walk out of the center and you pass the (school district) police on their bikes you can do ANYTHING you want. ANYTHING. Just know that right after you pass the (district cops) there are metro in their cars standing there." Yah. we are officially almost in the real world here. lol

Ok here is another piece I would like your help/advice with:

Me and two of my BEST friends are taking a road trip down to california for a week right after graduation (the day after lol). Anyway. We already have tickets to six flags and plans to go to venice beach and all that fun stuff. I lived there until 4th grade and I know that place like the back of my hand so its cool. I kind of wanted to surprise my friends with tickets to Universal Studios Hollywood. I was going to call their parents and make sure its cool that we stay an extra day and then surprise them the day they think we are going home. I love the place but its expensive to pay for me and all my friends. It's like $300. Thats not the point though. The thing is im afraid that the gift and the thought would backfire. I feel like im being to much of a good friend and that will make them invest less into the friendship. You get what im saying? Like if they get so much already why do they need to try? Also they might just take it for granted and not really see it as the kind of kind gesture of an AMAZING gift that it is. It would be a pretty cool graduation gift lol. I know that one of them, Taylor, would totally appreciate it the whole thing wouldn't backfire. Im not so sure about the other two.

So what do I do? Anyone?!?

A Week.

2010-05-24T20:00:00.000-07:00

Do you care about my life? Because I don't. Im done. I havnt gone to school for more then 4 hours in the past week. I havn't done any homework or work at all. Im done i guess. I dont know what to do. I have a meeting tomorrow and I havn't finished the work I needed to finish. FUCK. I get mad just thinking about it all.

I have to pick up my dad from the airport today at 11pm. That's in a few hours. My mom is still out there. She wont be making it to my graduation. IF I end up graduating thanks to absences and my F in English. Yah... I checked out a month ago. Hopefully I do good on the final and pass the class. OR IM FUCKED. lol

So what has happened in the past weeks? Lots. I got a facial and she went to hard and now my face looks like it slid across asphalt. We had thespian awards night and I got: "best thespian" and "best publicist" oh and "shining star" yah. whatever lol

I'm treating youtube as a job this summer. Taking a break after this last project. I feel like its something I really want to do before school starts.

Im so behind everything in life. I need a vacation. NOW. asdaks

Finals start Thursday then i have Friday and Monday off and my last 2 finals Tuesdays. Wednesday is graduation rehearsal and im DONE. It's kinda sad but whatever. Life moves on.

I have this friend and I've grown to care about her and then she makes stupid decisions and it hurts me because she doesn't see them and when I bring it up I look like an asshole.

Thats whats up guys. Do you guys still care?! Fuck. I'm so fucking over everything. I want to move on in life.

I have 6 pages of math I need to do and a website to finish and im watching TV and blogging. Yah. Im done lol

Good news? June 8th im taking a well deserved vacation. Yes. LA here I come. I have decided that I'm "coming out" here soon. My real name. My real pictures (not that i have fake pictures. prom pic was real lol). My real everything. I'll even link you to my youtube where I will be doing video blogs so you can stalk me down and rape me. Yah. I dont care anymore haha. Here's my address: yah. thats not happening.

Living/Loosing A Life.

2010-05-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

So here is the thing. I have surprisingly taken this pretty well. After the first couple days I have come to terms with it all. I took time out to fully grasp the whole thing and im proud to say that I truly am doing ok.

The process was weird. It involved being a jerk and then being really open hearted. It then lead me to friends and having a good time and forgetting the bad thing that was going on. After that I needed space. So I didnt answer texts, tweets, whatever. I stayed home and did nothing all day. Basically ran from all of the things I needed to do/get done. I even ended up not going to school today. I laughed a lot though. Stupid humor mostly. Stuff that was immature and meant nothing to others but made me laugh. From a bell to the I Am T-Pain auto-tune iphone app. Oh and justin beiber on ellen. Yah im pretty sure I spelled that wrong but he isnt really that big of a deal for me to google right now.

I discovered foursquare today. So now people can stalk me even more and stuff lol Its a pretty cool concept except that none of my friends use it so its not that useful other then "checking-in" places. It's cool though so im going to keep looking into it.

Anyways. Im going to talk on skype now so im going to GTFO. This week is hectic so I'll try to blog as much as I can without failing.

DID ANYONE SEE THE DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES FINALE?!? leave a comment lets talk about it.

Death.

2010-05-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

My uncle has passed away from cancer. Dont ask me what kind because from what I know it spread everywhere and thats all that matters. He was young but I dont know the exact age. He was around his young 30's. He has two children. A daughter that is 10 (or 11) and a son that is 3. He also had a son die at birth that would be around the age of 5 at this time.

I have to tell you that im not one to cry and weep over the loss of people. I guess it has to do with the fact that I (emotionally) have became accustomed to seeing people leave me during my childhood. Its sad but whatever. It gave me a tough skin.

The timing was shit. Not that there could ever be good timing in this case. I will break it down for you.

-May 13th 10:45pm: I get home from a night out at a restaurant with a big group of friends. I sit with my mom and dad and have a talk about life, friends, and people in general. This goes on for a good two hours.

May 13th 1:00am: I head to bed and noticed my cell phone was dead. I use my cell phone's alarm feature to wake up and without it I would be late for school. So instead of waiting for it to turn on I just asked my mom to wake me up at 8 in the morning so I could go to school. Something I have never done. Ever.

-May 14th 1:30am: I watched some TV and my phone had time to charge and turn on. I take my phone out and check my apps. Horoscope, weather, and my email. Then turn on my alarm and head to sleep.

-May 14th 3:00am: My dad comes into my room and wakes me up. He tells me that he is packing and that he is leaving $100 on my desk for emergencies. It all seems rushed but at the same time I didnt feel in danger or worried for my parents safety and well being. I asked them what happened. Remember I was half asleep when I had been woken up. He told me my uncle died. At that time my mom came into my room and yelled at my dad for waking me up because I had school the next day and at that point they left and I feel asleep.

-May 14th 8:00am: My mom comes in and tells me to wake up. I tell her I dont want to go to school and im missing my first period so she goes to write me a note. She comes back with it and tells me she is leaving at 9am to go to the airport.

May 14th 9:00am: My uncle (from my dads side. irony?) comes to take my parents to the airport. I hug my mom, while she is in tears, then my dad. They head down stairs and as they leave I hear my mom: "Its no fair." It hit me hard.

May 14th 11am-1:12pm: I was at school. I actually skipped another class and came at lunch. It was an off day and I was keeping my self "ok" by being a total asshole. It was how I got my anger out. I bitched out a few freshman threw out the day. There was 10min where I happened to be alone and I started to loose it. I started balling but was forced to stop when I heard someone coming. Then I went home. I sat im my car in the driveway of my house for a good 10min just listing to the nature with the windows down. It felt good. I was a mess.

May 14th 5pm: I had to go to school for call time. It was closing night. I didnt want to go. It the last show I will ever tech/be in with all my friends. Ever. I went to the gas station and grabbed two energy drinks and chugged them on the way. I got there and we did "circle." It's where we all get in a circle (usually just actors but it was senior night so techs go as well) and we take turns talking. It gets really emotional. You know, because I didnt have enough to cry about already. It finally got to me and I had to make sure to use the right words or else I would loose it and not be able to stop. Everything I said was very basic. No details. Yet, somehow, my speech was more meaningful then anyone else's.

May 14th 6:15pm: The show opens in 15min and we just finished circle. Everyone was asking me if I was ok because they saw it in me. I was a wreck. It was hard but I convinced them to not worry about it and go on with the show. Like I said, If i would have started to cry I wouldnt have stopped for days.

May 14th: 8:45pm: By this time the show was over. My parents were on their final flight (to a place far away). I decided to go to the cast party even though I was still upset. From there on it doesnt matter.

May 15th is my fathers birthday. Happy birthday dad. See you in two weeks.

Work.

2010-05-11T22:12:00.000-07:00

Im still working on getting those pics from pride... thats what I get for not bringing my own camera haha

I have been doing so much freelance work ever since I turned 18 but nothing compares to how much work I have right now. Im currently in the processes of 4 different projects. Im making a good amount of money and I got one of the checks yesterday for a third of the money.

Im currently working on 3 projects for a jewelry site and another project for this huge company that creates glass doors and is now pushing into the technology side of the business and they want to sell it threw a website.

The Jeweler project is three parts. One is a website landing page with all the info about her and all that contact info. The second is a e-commerce store with over 40 items. The third is a 1,000 item catalogue of her entire line. I know. YIKES!

On top of that I have been doing the school publicity and its crazy.

The shows opening night is tomorrow. I have been running around left and right with no time to breathe. Its so bad. I dont get home till 5pm then I have had meetings with the clients every day since friday. I need to time for me.

The show goes till friday. One of the projects due date is tomorrow and the other is monday. Then I need to send a proposal to another company for a website they want to work on with me.

Im super tired and I need to rest. Im going to head to bed. Ill talk to you soon.

LV Pride 2010

2010-05-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

One of the best time of my life was a couple weekends ago. I went to the parade for the first time ever. It was so much fun. We were right in the center where they do all the judging and such. They had two trani hostesses and a few gay & lesbian judges.

The floats: OMG. Hot naked men. Well they were no completely nude but they might has well have been. Tiny white undies that totally showed off their packages. I got pics with these guys from CRUSH. I'll talk more about CRUSH later though. I got hit on so many times. Not even tooting my own horn or whatever. Like they were handing out cards and one guy goes: "wait. here is some personal information for you." and hands me his card. haha

After the parade they had an after party hosted by CRUSH. It was 18 and over so guess who got to go?!?! ME! We went in and it was dead. Music was hot. People were just standing around and I wanted to dance. So I was like, "fuck this." I got out on the dance floor and started dancing. It took a min or two but then people started joining in and BOOM. I started the party!! I was having so much fun and dancing with all these cute guys that were my age. All of which, with my luck, where taken...

Then my friends mom (who is totally into the whole gay scene) was like ok. We are dipping out and going to Flex. Which is a gay/trani bar which is 21+. At first I was like "ummm... but im having fun and there are hot guys and its JUST getting started!!"but eventually I was like ok fine lets go. So we left for Flex. We got there and they were carding so we just went threw the back. Yah... exactly lol All the trani's were doing their little shows and I was having fun sipping on a cranberry vodka (later on a couple more and a red bull vodka as well) then I hear: "OMG GUESS WHO IS HERE." No, not lady gaga. It's this guy that was in love with me last year. Like totally on my nuts. Im not going to lie. We fucked once. My friends dont know and I would never say because he is a fucking douche bag and I can't stand it. Oh and im embarrassed that I had sex with him but whatever. I topped. Anyway... He was drunk and making out with is "hook up buddy" when he saw me he pretended to not remember me. Bull shit. You texted me last week trying to get some you asshole. Plus. Im way out of your league so STFU.

So I was over it and got tipsy enough to forget about that, dance with a "lady gaga" trani and think about how my mom is going to kill me if she finds out about this. So we headed home after a while.

This is one of my first gay experiences in the scene. I wont forget it for the rest of my life. I have those pics with the guys I took but they are on my friends camera and im waiting for her to send them to me. When I get them I will post them for sure.

So prom picture... here you go. I hope it doesn't disappoint haha It's a link because I dont want the picture to devalue the text in the post because its an important one to me. here you go: http://i39.tinypic.com/30cyjkp.jpg

gtg friends are at the door.

In A Rush.

2010-05-08T11:52:00.000-07:00

I have 7 min to be at school for rehearsal. Yah. thats not going to happen lol How does time go by so fast? I got back from the hotel this morning and just finished editing a video that I need to upload and leave. Agh! 6 min now.

I will blog again after rehearsal today with that picture. Around 6 hours from now. So check back. There is so much to blog about and so little time lol

Ok. just got a text: "WHERE ARE YOU?!?!" haha got to go.

I'm not dead. Just REALLY busy...

2010-05-05T16:53:00.001-07:00

Sorry guys. I think this is the first time in a week or so that I have had the time to open up blogger and sit and write a blog. I have been running around left and right doing shit. It's been like a fucking tornado.

That picture. I know I promised to have it up that day but it totally flew over my head till CP sent me an email lol. Which I had time to read in government class today because we were presenting projects. So I'll upload it tomorrow after my tech rehearsal. UPDATE: To make it up to you ill upload a couple pics of me with these hot guys from pride. =p

Sorry this post is so short. I really need to get back to work. I have so much shit I need to get ready for tomorrow. Not to mention this weekend. AGH!!

Umm here is a list of stuff we need to talk about:

1. PRIDE (sooo much fun.)

2. Work

3. School/friends/teen baby story.

4. New play at school.

5. Parents.

6. Graduation.

7. He's single.

8. Music Video.

9. Awards Night.

Prom.

2010-04-26T22:37:00.000-07:00

God I wish I could show you the pics. I look smoking hot. Actually I think I will post one. If i do it will be tomorrow for 48 hours then I'll take it down. Just so no one finds it after that and you guys get to still see it. That is if you guys want me to post a picture at all...

So prom night went Ok. We didn't hit up a crazy party after because of a few reasons. One was because our party got pushed to 2am and it was to late by then because Lesbian went to a party (yah she ditched us after to go) at a hotel that got busted and then we were all trying to figure what happened. So at 3am we finally got word that she was ok and at home then we headed to my house and fell asleep at ike 4am.

Anyway so we went to dinner with the group of us at P.F. Changs. Then headed to the dance. Got pics. Then left and hung out and then the party thing happened.

This blog sucks cause im watching TV while typing it. Oh well.

It's Been A While...

2010-04-22T18:50:00.000-07:00

Wow. So here is an update:

Monday: I stayed home sick.

Tuesday: Stayed half day at home and went to school. Then HAD to work sound for a show.

Wednesday: Got a $20 gift card to target which I'm going to use to buy props for a music video. Then did nothing.

Thursday: Is today.

Now to the important stuff.

My mom is being a pain in the ass. Wait. Let me backtrack. My parents and I had this HUGE talk about all this stuff. Like how im being irresponsible and how im not respecting them. All this bullshit basically. My mom searched my car and found weed. Now I had no recollection of this weed being in my car. Turns out that this was from over a year ago from the FIRST time I had ever smoked and I had forgotten about it. Anyway, I promised to be a better son and then thats where that ended. At least with my dad...

My mom is still being a bitch. Listen. I LOVE my mom but sometimes she pushes the limits. Examples? She called my school twice to make sure I had turned in my absence notes. Called my councilor to make sure I'm turning in my absent work. Oh and she "reminded" me at least 6 times that I have to do all of those things. WTF?!?! Really? Get off my ass women. You are pushing my limits and im so fucking sick of it.

Prom is this weekend. I dont want to go. Im not going to the party's after and Im not going to have fun. Seriously we are eating at some shit restaurant because 2 of the 8 people dont have money. (READ: IN N OUT WAS AN OPTION!). Then we are heading to the dance for like 20min cause no one really cares about the dance and it always sucks. Then we are going to "hang out" because the party we were going to was at a hotel, costs 50$ to get into to (to pay for room plus drinks) and then I would half to drive 30min, drunk, at 3 in the morning, to get home. Im being negative about this but you know what. I really rather just save my money and NOT go. The only problem is that my date REALLY want to have that prom picture so her parents can put it next to her brothers.

Also. Im stressed out. To much to deal with right now. When I stress out I usually tend to just procrastinate more and more and then I get more stressed. Yah. Im doing it now. =[

3 Days Ago.

2010-04-17T14:08:00.001-07:00

Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. I haven't been on in three days. So what has happened? Well. My mom has been a total pain in the ass. We just had a huge conversation and now everything is cool again. Im still in my "rolling eyes" state though. They are so fucking annoying sometimes, but they are my parents and I love them.

Im home alone now... Im going to work on this website I'm building and then maybe edit a few videos for my youtube channel. I didnt end up having sex that one day. Shit came up and I had a meeting after school and then had to drive my friend to the hospital to see her mom. Oh and my mom was bitching and we got in a fight. So my horniness that day was at a minimum. I would invite him over now but I kinda dont want to have sex at my house... especially with the whole parent conflict JUST not being resolved.

Youtube has been amazing. I have met so many cool people and have been growing so much (creativity and technique wise). Also I have been putting out good quality videos every week now for 4 weeks in a row. My old channel was really random and kinda crappy. Anyway...

I'll talk to you guys latter. =p Byee

Most Random Blog Ever. (yet it has important stuff... kinda)

2010-04-14T21:31:00.001-07:00

I dont know what to title this. Its going to be pretty random. First I wanted to let you all know that I am going to start having sex again. If you know me I was like "no sex till I find someone I love" yah... im kinda over that lol Anyway.

That guy. You know the one I liked but didn't like and it was all complicated. Well it isn't anymore. He is dating someone. Met him today. I would like to let you all know (not trying to sound egotistical) that im way hotter then this kid. If I'm an 8.5 he is a 6. Yah.

I'm not jealous (p.s. I always spell that word wrong... thank you spell check). I'm not disappointed. I'm not even bummed out. So that leads me to think that I didn't really like him. I kinda just liked the idea of liking him. If that makes sense whatsoever.

I need to start loosing weight. I gained like 10 pounds and I need them off. I'm not fat I just have a couple pounds I want off. Seriously I am so lazy when it comes to working out. Also I am one of those people that get really bored at the gym. During the summer I went at least 5 days a week. So yah. I need to start going again. Especially since I have a paid membership lol

Prom is NEXT WEEK!! I dont even have a suit. =[ fail? yah pretty much lol

We might be going to California this weekend but I doubt it and If we do im going to try to stay home and FILM FILM FILM. lol I have such a drive for making videos now.

What I dont have drive for: School. I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE... I want out.

I talked to shelby. I told her that I just needed a little bit of space and that she needed to just stop pushing my buttons all the time. I told her we were going to blow up at each other and that I just didnt want to be around her and let things cool off. So now everything is cool. For now. lol

Ok. I'm going to bed. P.s. I'm not wasting any time with the whole sex thing, texting a guy now...

Pride.

2010-04-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

So i'm going to pride for the first time this year. I'm really excited because I wanted to go last year but a stupid theater thing (well it was actually our production of Bye Bye Birdie) was in the way. Talk about gayness right? Anyways. I brought it up with my mom and she got disgusted. Yup. All the progress I thought we had gotten was instantaneously demolished by the look on her way and the "eww. are you serious?" that came out of her mouth.

Thanks mom. Love you to.

Anyways. I saw Date Night. It was sooo funny. Defiantly recommend you go see the movie. I'm going to prom with lesbian. Prom is next week. Pride the week after. Oh. I didnt do a "take home quiz" that is due tomorrow. Guess who is setting their alarm an hour early?? Umm. Oh yah and I watched the streamys. Wow.... lol

I'm going to film a music video this week. It's going to be legit. I'm really excited for it. I always strive for the best and I try my hardest to make everything seem legit and professional. As a judge of my short filmed said it: "Looks expensive!" haha The truth is I dont have an lighting, green screens, or film degree. Just a good quality camera, motivation, determination, and inspiration. =p

Now im going to bed. If anyone of you wants to donate to the cause of me getting lighting... IM JUST KIDDING!! haha. Just leave a comment telling me how YOUR day was =p It's nice to hear from you guys.

Johnism.

2010-04-09T20:07:00.001-07:00

I have a new theory on life. One that brings me happiness and takes out all the negative aspects in my life. I have realized that I need to cut the negative out and make more room for positive. How and what am I talking about? Let me explain:

In life many people go threw cycles. We meet and interact. These interactions lead to friendships, which lead to good and bad times. We look for fun and memories when we dream about our past. What we did and the mountain's we climbed. The fun always sticks out in our mind and the bad stays in the back by the pain and heartache. What we do as people is, at times, deal with the bad, in various ways, to get to the good. People use many methods to make do with the bad. It goes from an argument and fist fight to high school "drama."

What people don't comprehend is that if we take the negative out, the bad times, and stick with the positive, the good times, we will still reach the finish line.

So with that thought I started my art project. Cutting and pasting the negatives and creating a heart filled with positivity. It worked. It worked WELL. For the first time ever I feel happy for no reason other then being alive. I have that new found love for life. I feel like a dog with my head out the window and his tongue hanging out. Little things in life excite me. I no longer search for activities that will excite me because I am naturally excited. It's like im reborn all of a sudden.

Love is as pure as you make it. The word is strong for a reason.

One more thought. What made me have this epiphany? Shelby. I realized that the fun times were not outweighing the negative ones with her. She was one of those people I used the scissors and glue for. She thinks we are fighting but what she can't comprehend is that I don't believe in fighting any more. If I need to fight someone to make fun times later on its not something I need to be happy. So we are not friends anymore. She really does bring out the negative in me. Today, like I said, I was happy for no reason whatsoever other then being positive. Then in my LAST period at school shelby just took me out with the negative energy. Thats when I just left the room. It's going to take a while to completely take out all the negative pieces but I'm working on it.

So thats Johnism. =p love you all!

104. (was 105 but I guess I'm not THAT interesting)

2010-04-07T23:12:00.000-07:00

Thank you to you. Yah you definitely read that right. I have 104 followers today. I had 105 yesterday but whatever, I like even numbers anyways lol. I can't believe that 104 people care about my life. That is insane. I know its not like 10,000 but its a lot for me and I want you to know that I appreciate the fact that you care enough to read this blog. Seriously if your one of those followers and you dont usually leave me a comment PLEASE do. I want to hear your voice like you hear mine. I'm going to make sure to reply to each and every one of you that leaves a comment and say thank you! =p I love you guys!!

Anyway. I know I was going to tell you this story that is insane but 1) im super tired and 2) it might get some media attention and my school might be mentioned so for now (this week) it would be a good idea to wait it out and tell you guys later on. I hope you understand lol

So yah. I dont know what to do with this whole boy thing. It's bugging me. Every night I think about him and how I want to make some kind of move but I don't want to look like an idiot. The fact that he doesn't seem very interested doesn't help either. =[ We will see what happens...

I'm going to leave you with a thought... there was a 15 year old boy wearing a "i love lady gay gay" shirt that got sent home from school to change because his shirt caused a distraction. His shirt is a distraction? How about sports. Sports is a HUGE distraction. I'm sure that 99% of the kids that are in the football team dont give 2 shits on the day of a game when they are at school. Or how about rallies. How is that not a distraction. Well some would argue that this is a bad thing. I disagree. I think that the more and more this kind of stuff starts to happen the more we all as gays are going to start getting noticed and gain rights. We need there to be something wrong for it to be changed into a good.

My left knee is spazzing out and its really bugging me. It's like its out of the socket or something. Night lol

Major Part 2 & Boyfriend & Prom.

2010-04-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

I guess I didn't really get the message to you guys. So let's try once more lol

Im going to community college because my grades are not the 3.5 that I need to get into UCLA. So after a year of working my ass off (p.s. I'm going to continue to work my ass off after that year as well) I'm going to move on over to UCLA. I'm going to major in business because I want to go as far as I can go in life. That's where I was going with the whole motivated thing. I know I can make it at anything I want if I am motivated and I have the drive but the whole thing is if I do go into technical theater (sound), I won't be going as far as I would have, financially, then I would have with business.

I want to cuddle and hug him. I don't know if I like him just yet. It's confusing. I don't have that same intense feeling that I had with Jake where you can't stop smiling and all I do is think of him. Then I see him and I do want to just hug him and cuddle and kiss. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if to peruse him as a friend and then see what happens or just let things be and play out. He is also a tad immature. Not in a way where I think im so much more mature. In a way where he gets a little annoying sometimes.

Pride is this month. So is prom. Im going with lesbian to prom. I'm not that excited for prom. For the sole reason of I DONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND TO GO WITH SO IT REALLY DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING. lol.

OMFG! Funniest story ever! Hopefully I remember to tell you all tomorrow. Remind me if I forget in the comments for tomorrow's post. Are you guys liking that I'm posting regularly again? I like it. =p Talk to you guys tomorrow.

College Major.

2010-04-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

I can't decide on a major. I'm most likely going to major in business but I can't decide. I'm thinking about either communications, film, technical theater, or business. I would love studying film. It would be the funniest 4 years of my life. The problem with that is after those 4 years there isn't much you can do with a film degree. So that is why im on the border. Now, I know you all are going to comment telling me that I should do what I love and follow my dreams but if you look at the facts it's a lot harder to make it with film degree then a business degree.

So where do I see myself in the next 10 years. I see myself being successful. I see myself very goal driven and focused. Something that I can't see my friends doing. So here is my plan. Im going to community college for a year and raise my GPA and then transfer to an out of state college. If the economy starts to brighten up then I will be moving to LA and going to UCLA. It all depends on how everything goes. What I can tell you is that college is going to be where I shine. I am going to put so much into this. This is not something to be overlooked. College is an opportunity that not everyone has.

High school was a joke. I fooled around freshman year and didn't take classes seriously. I really didnt put any time and effort into school. I wasn't looking at the future and sadly my parent's didnt really push me into seeing it as much as they thought they were. So now im sitting here with a 2.9 GPA going to community college. You would think that would make me feel like a failure. I'm not. I know that I have more drive then 95% of the people I will be siting in those classes with. I know that after a year I will have that all A's in all my classes and I will be transferring to a school that I can learn and excel at. So there. That's my story.

Friends.

2010-04-02T16:52:00.001-07:00

My friends are starting to piss me off. I hate when people blow me off for no reason whatsoever or for stupid reasons. I'm sick of the attitudes and I'm sick of the bull shit. I'm seriously ready to go peace the fuck out and find new friends. Everyone thinks they are the shit and only are your best friends when they need you to be.

Example's:

1)Lesbian. She was going to help me film a skit for my youtube channel and then I call her to let her know im ready and she goes: "Oh sorry. I'm going to a movie in 10min and I forgot to tell you." Really??? Fucking really? Oh and why the fuck didnt you invite me. Let me guess. You forgot. Ok. Fine.

2)Lets call her Panda. Every night we talk on Skype. We talk and shit but then all of a sudden when she is hanging out with another friend I call her and she treats me like shit and gives me an attitude because she doesnt need me at the moment because she has the attention she needs. Aka Im not needed at the moment.

3)I was meant to go shopping yesterday with a friend and then she never texted me till like 9pm and then was like OMG im so sorry i fell asleep lets go tomorrow. So im like ok. Today I text her and she gives me another excuse about how she can't go. aksdak fine.

Do you realize how shitty my friends are being??? ANYONE?? One minute I love them and am super happy and the next I can't fucking stand there faces. Agh Yah so thats the rant of the day. I needed to get it out there. Whatever. They all want to hang out tonight and chill at my house and smoke hookah and "kick it" but thats like 12 people at my house and I really dont feel like having them over after all that shit.

Good news is I got my eyebrows done and they look good. My hair is 2 long though =[ It's ok I think im going to get a haircut on tuesday. Sooo not excited for school to start. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day then today was.

The Trip. (and the Boy.)

2010-04-01T20:49:00.000-07:00

Did I talk about this trip? I don't think so. If I have here let me go more in detail.

Me and three of my closest friends are going on a little trip this summer. So where are we going?? Well I'll tell you if you promise to not track me down and try to rape me (its not rape if you yell surprise!). Bad joke? Yah. Anyways... We are heading down to a place called: Six Flags Magic Mountain. AKA one of the places in this world I enjoy most. Thats one day. Then we have another day where we will be playing tourist around LA. We are going to be in LA for a total of 3 days. Well its two days plus two driving days because I dont want to drive during the night time. So here is the trip on order:

DAY 1: Drive from vegas to LA. Party at night and enjoy the company of some of my old friends. (I lived there until 4th grade and still have a bunch of friends down there)

DAY 2: Six Flags. Enough said.

DAY 3: Play tourist. =p

DAY 4: Breakfast at my favorite little cafe and then driving home.

So thats exciting!!

IF YOU ARE MY FRIEND STOP READING HERE AND TEXT ME SO I CAN TELL YOU PERSONALLY. K THANKS! =p So here we go. I'm going to tell you about this guy. It's complicated. I don't know if I like him yet. I'm still a little confused about the whole thing. Anyway remember how I was talking about my friend thats a lesbian having a younger gay brother that was 16. Yah. So we got to talking and he seems like a cool kid. Still a tad immature at time but at other times I can sit and talk with him and have the most amazing conversations. Which is a huge plus. He is cute in his own way. He really isn't the type I go for. He is tall with curly brown hair and his style needs a little work lol. Wow I made him sound really ugly. He really isnt though. He is also looking for a serious thing and thats something we relate on. I don't think he likes me though. If he does he definitely isn't showing any signs whatsoever. He always brings up this one guy he "really liked because" of this and that reason. Also its "wrong" because it my best friends little brother and she has made it evident that she doesn't want anything to happen there. Plus I also have a bad history with him. Remember the whole outing him thing. Yah... same guy. He posted a thing of facebook today: "think about someone..." so maybe? We hung out tuesday night and we talked about guys and shit. One of my friends was there (the one that knows about the blog) so I didnt flirt or anything just for the fact that I didn't want to look stupid. I have seen the guys this kid dates. They are hot. Me... well im self conscious so lets not talk about me. lol My friends try to convince me im "really hot" but there goes little old me thinking im fat and ugly. lol So idk. I also dont really think im his type. So whatever. We will see where this goes. The big thing here is not looking like an idiot. I really dont want to hear: "Um... your my sister's best friend. Im sorry but i dont like you like that." Especially after the whole thing with Jake.

Well. That makes up for about a week or so of missed blogs right? Well I hope so. I'll talk to you all asasp! Love you all!!

Spring Break.

2010-03-31T21:30:00.000-07:00

It's currently spring break. Which is basically a week that reminds you how much you really cant wait till summer starts. It's been pretty awesome but its going by way to fast. Not going to lie I needed this more then anything.

My uncle is alive still. No one know how. Every doctor says that there is no way that he can be alive. He has cancer everywhere. In every place you could imagine. It has completely robbed him of his body. So your prayers are helping and it means a lot. Please keep the prayers going as they mean the world to me and to him (even though he doesnt know you are praying for him). I appreciate it more then you will ever know. Thank you.

So. So. So. What has happened since we last talked? Umm.. Not much but a lot. I dont know how to explain it. I went to a festival thing called extreme thing and was FRONT AND CENTER at the AP Tour stage. =p My favorite band/person ever, NeverShoutNever, was playing and he pointed me out. Made by life.

I think im falling for someone. I can't though. =[ It's nothing serious. He just kind of fits all of a sudden. Falling into like, not love. I can't love anyone right now. My heart is to... taken up by life's events.

So I think i made a mistake because I told my friend about this blog and now im scared she is reading it. I was going to talk about the guy but I dont want her to know that I kind of am starting to maybe like him. Just because it would make things awkward. So I'll talk more about him soon.

So guys here something I have noticed. A lot of the blogs I follow are starting to stop posting and close. So here is the thing. If I dont post a blog at least every other day leave me an extra comment reminding me to post a blog. Deal? That way I will blog more often and if I forget I got you guys giving me that extra push =p

Again. Thanks for the prayers and I love all the support and love you guys are sending my way!! =p

Positivity.

2010-03-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

I don't blog for views. I dont blog for money (i dont make any at all from this). I don't blog to be famous on the internet. I blog for me. I blog for the people that are gay and need some positivity in their life. I blog for you.

This whole experience with my uncle has taught me a lot about life. How short and meaningful it truly is. How every extra day is a miracle and you need to cherish it all. How if i can make a min of someone's life better by blogging once a week then this blog is worth everything. I want to make a difference. I want people to know that they can be gay. They can be who they are. They can be happy.

There isn't much to say about my uncle. He is still in the same place he was. Everyday is a fight against fate. I want to thank you all for your prayers. It means more to me then you will ever know.

I'm in a very weird state right now. I dont really know how to interpret it. There is so much to tell you about what has been going on with my life. Friends. Drama. Family. Just that at this point. Its not as important to me as life.

I will talk to you all soon. Please keep praying for my uncle!! Thank you so much for the love and support. I truly love you all and appreciate it soooo much.

I Need Your Help. Please.

2010-03-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

My uncle is dying on cancer. My parents are depressed. My mom is constantly crying and its just a sad thing to watch. He is my mothers brother in law. Aka: my moms sisters husband. He is such an amazing guy. He built up so much and has helped us out so much. He has two amazing kids: a 10 year old daughter and a 4 year old son. As much as I dont believe in religion or whatever I'm going to ask you guys to pray for him. Something I should have done a while ago. The doctor said its a matter of days now. =[ Please spread the word and tell all your friends to pray for him please. It would mean the world to me.

I will keep you guys updated.

Thanks again,

John Doe.

Just A Bad Day.

2010-03-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

The show was a disaster and it was just bad. I messed up a cue and it was weird in general. Also me and my friend got in a fight. Im drinking right now. Im not drunk but im drinking. I just needed a drink. If you care its patron with castco's version of orange flavored gatorade.

So yah. Today was just a waist of 24 hours in my opinion. I would elaborate but im lazy and I want to just get drunk and pass out and forget that I have another day of school. :/

My friend and I made up if you were wondering. I might be having a kick back/party Saturday. We will see how it goes.

CICI's and Sex. I mean Sets. ;)

2010-03-17T22:08:00.001-07:00

Opening night of the musical went AMAZING. Again if you forgot: I'm running the audio. Thats 13 broadway mics and 30 cues. Yup. Im a pro lol Im just kidding... We went to get pizza at Cici's and it was my first time there. Its was good. Not the best. I can see why its only $5 lol

So I have a headace. I super tired and have school tomorrow. Blahh... So today I skipped math again. Yah. Again. lol I tend to sleep in a lot. Senioritis? Yah. (look it up on urban dictionary!). Also im kinda frustrated. No cute guys :/ WHY ARE THERE NEVER ANY CUTE GUYS??? haha

My ex girlfriend. You know: "the mistake" as we call her. Is texting me and sending me questions on formspring. She wants me to visit her. She likes in California. She even offered to let me spend the night at her house for her birthday. Yah. Thats not going to happen. I'm kind of scared to come out to her. I mean I have done it to everyone BUT her so yah :/ Also none of my Cali friends know. I dont really talk to them anymore so yah that doesnt matter much anyway. Shit happens and you move on right??

Fun fact: total flamboyant gay kid added me on facebook. We went to elementary school together. We were best friends. Still havn't talked to him though haha Idk where he lives but we went to school together in California back in the day.

Going to a hookah bar friday with the friends. We are going with 8 of us. I just realized how many lesbians I hang out with. Like 5. One's a bestie? Idk. I guess. We are getting close but not there just yet.

Cute australian kid is coming to where i live this summer. He is really excited. Me on the other hand: not so much. Don't want his parents finding out and me being a sex offender at age 18. lol

So yah. I'm heading to bed. I have this awesome contest im doing and I really hope that you guys will like it. Especially the younger guys that read my blog. Its will an organization and they are willing to give out something special. More on that Saturday!!!

Night!

Well...

2010-03-16T23:18:00.000-07:00

Its been a long month and tomorrow its going to get longer. I'm currently waiting on a friend to reply so we can chat but until then i'll blog.

Today was weird. I have to do this stupid 5 page essay and i dont even know where to get started. The worst part is we are doing it in class so using the internet is not an option. =[

The show opens up tomorrow and I hope it goes well. We are going to Cici's to get pizza before the show. All the techs lol The cast party is still a no go. No one is willing to have it so whatever. We are going out on friday anyway so thats all good. Also im currently wanting a boy friend. Just a note lol I keep changing my mind about it.

Fun fact? My favorite band is NeverShoutNever. Seeing him live this month. Can't wait.

We are planning a trip (me and 3 other friends) to go on a trip to Six Flags. Agh! Almost tomorrow so im going to post this now.

John Time lol

2010-03-14T23:23:00.000-07:00

Well today was time for me. I didnt to anything and it felt soooo good. Not that in the back of my head I wasn't going: "JOHN YOU HAVE SO MUCH HW AND 2 ESSAYS TO WRITE!!" I didnt do them though. Oh well. Shit happens right? In all honesty I have a couple days to do each thing but a couple assignments were due tomorrow that I will have to get lucky and find time to do during school tomorrow lol

I was THIS close to hooking up with this guy. Lets call him: frank. I was texting him and trying to come over so i could fuck him but his parents were home and then next day I realized that after I jacked off I didnt really want to hook up with anyone. I was just really horny that night lol It's whatever. Plus he isn't really my type and the last time I hung out with him he annoyed the shit out of me lol For being 18 he was still really immature and it bugged me the most. He is in a lot of ways exactly opposite of what I usually look for in a guy. Then again its just sex... I've had sex with him before. It was really... awkward and uncomfortable.

Well yah. That was last week but I didnt write about it so there it is lol. Talk to you all tomorrow?? Yup!

I fucking miss you guys...

2010-03-13T21:44:00.000-08:00

im not dead lol Im also really sorry for not posting. This month has drained me. Completely. I have no time for anything. I'm so behind in everything. School, youtube, thinking time, and most of all SCHOOL. lol I have no time to even sit back and think. Here is a recap of my month so far:

It started with State Conference. It was the 4th-6th. It was held across town and I had to drive there everyday back and forth. Friday and Saturday I was there all day and thursday from 2pm till like 9pm. It was hell. I skipped school monday which put me behind two days. Then on wend we started rehearsal's for our musical (im running the sound) and those go from after school till about 5pm. Then thursday I had to work a show that night after the rehearsal so I had like 20min to go home grab a piece of fruit and my math textbook and run back to school. Then friday. We had a rehearsal and then I "hung out" with my friends. It was stupid and boring and then they went home and I went to sleep. This morning I had to run and go to pick my car up from the body shop and return the rental I had been using. I found out that they didnt even finish working on the car and that I have to bring it back it on monday. Then I got home and grabbed my script and drove to school for another rehearsal. Now try fitting in the TONS of homework, essays, and projects I had to do. Plus the makeup work from the days I missed school. Then on top of that then tons of stupid high school drama you have to deal with, NOT TO MENTION my parents being fucking on my ass 24/7 and me trying to work with a client on a catalogue and a website. You fall apart.

I just need me time and I wont have that for the next month or so. Or until I graduate lol I'm physically and mentally drained. I miss you guys though. I miss talking to you guys threw comments and e-mail and MSN. I miss logging into blogger and talking about my day and updating you all on whats going on. I miss the Survey Sunday's! I hate seeing that I didnt post in so long.

So from now on im going to make this blog a priority. I will blog daily for at least the next week (which is going to be THE HARDEST WEEK OF MY LIFE!!). I dont care if im half asleep and if I only write a little. It something I need to do for myself. So I will see you all tomorrow. =p

Love you all!!

Its Been A While...

2010-03-07T20:40:00.001-08:00

Wow. I havn't posted in a long time. There is a lot to talk about guys. Lets start off with my film. It got an excellence at state level. Which is great but at the same time not what you want. It's ok though. I'm happy and im still going to enter the film into a bunch of film festivals here in town. The state festival was run by the thespian society and to put it nicely: wtf do they know about short films?? lol I'm so excited about what is to come and im not letting this get me down at all. =p

Next subject: boys. I met and saw TONS of cute gay boys the week/weekend. One that hit on me that I thought was SO FUCKING HOT. He lives 9 hours away though =[ So that didnt end up going anywhere. The thing I did notice was, as much as I was checking out guys, I didnt want anything more then that. I didnt want to go and flirt and do the whole relationship thing. I dont know why but I just didnt want it.

On the other hand I got in a fight with a friend. She was pushing my buttons all day and then I couldn't take it and blew up. She apologized and its all good now but she went way to far and she was definitely in the wrong.

So yah. Today has just sucked. Total downer. Sorry if this blog sucked. Still getting back into the hang of things. Also I have all these e-mails i have not read whatsoever. So im going to do this thing since there is no survey today. If you guys want to chat with me I will be on MSN/Skype tomorrow at 8pm pacific time. So we call all chat!! Both of the usernames are: sinceyoufoundout@gmail.com!

Hope to talk to you guys!

rental cars. friends. school. film.

2010-03-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

Lets make this brief: my car's in the shop and i got a rental which i drove in with my friend to go to in n out after school and then i got home and worked on the short film. ok. thats it. see you later!!

no! im just kidding lol here is the real blog:

So the last two days have been crazy. I had to drop my car off at the body shop to fix it up (i didnt crash it dont worry lol). I got a rental car which is pretty cool. Its a dodge charger, white on black haha. Then I got home and I had to go work the tech for a band show at school.

Then today we got the posters and flyers I designed for our musical. They turned out amazing. =p I went and got a milkshake from In N' Out. It was sooo good. It was so worth the 10 min drive lol There was this crazy women that was like "ima go smoke me a cig-er-et." it was fucking hilarious. Good times with friends =p Love it.

After that I went and got my eyebrows waxed and got a haircut. So I look fresh to death. Perfect timing cause state is this weekend. My film competes thursday night and then friday and saturday are workshops and other people competitions. The awards ceremony is saturday night. So I'll let you know how it goes. Only the best of the best get to go to the next level which is NATIONALS!!!! I dont even know if I got a chance... Agh. im starting to get nervous just talking about it!!

Also I havn't gotten to any of the emails. I feel horrible about it. Also there hasn't been a survey sunday in a while but dont worry cause I have a surprise for you guys that you will hopefully enjoy ;) alright. well i have to go now. peace out!

When Birthdays Go Bad.

2010-02-28T19:50:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to complain. Any birthday is a great one. It means that you survived a year in this crazy world we all live in. This is a blog though and in a blog you tell about your life/day and thats what im going to do. It's not my fault it wasn't the best birthday but it was my birthday and im going to share it with you. I'm not mad, sad, or disappointed. It was just one out of the (hopefully) many birthdays to come.

So the party the night before was horrible. Everyone passed out before we even got drunk. Passed out as in fell asleep. it was bad. It was really boring and I quote: "the worst party ever." Yah. Exactly. Anyways: the cool things is my mom decorated the house and got me a cake which was awesome cause it showed me that she cared. =p

The next day I woke up and had to clean the house. My friends went home and I watched tv for the rest of the day. The best part of the day was when my cousin, who im best friends with, got me cupcakes from this place in vegas that is "gay friendly." They were AMAZING cupcakes lol. Then we went to dinner with the family. We got there at 6:30pm with a reservation and only got seated at 7:30 and started to eat at 8pm. Well then my brother got sick and threw up (before we ate). Then he nearly fainted and my parents were not even at the table most of the time because they were taking him to the restroom and outside and to the car, ect. I got home and then left to my friends house to watch movies for a good hour or so.

Yah. So that was my 18th birthday. Oh in case you were wondering I didnt get anything gift wise. Well my mom got me a card and those cupcakes were delicious! haha So yah.

I re-filmed another scene for the short film today and it turned out much better this time. I fixed a few issues I had and now im going to edit for the rest of the night. Peace out. =p

18!!! =p

2010-02-26T19:15:00.000-08:00

Thats right!! Tomorrow, the 27th, I will be 18 years old. So that makes this my birthday eve if you will lol My parents got a hotel and let me have the house. They let me invite 3 of my closest friends to come spend the night and party really hard. Which, by the way, was hard and a bunch of people got mad at me cause they couldn't come, but shit happens and you move on. Right? Yes. Right.

So I had this really intense talk with my mom about being gay last night. It started with me telling her I was invited to Chippendale's, the show with naked men. To summarize: she thinks I need to experience both men and women before I "know" and that im too young and "confused" at "this age" to really know who I am attracted to. She also said that she "hopes a women comes along that turns my whole life around." When I questioned her with "why do you want me to change??" she said she didnt say that and that she meant for "experience." I tried to explain to her that im not confused and that I dont need experience. Which by the way I have had. I had sex with a women i was dating once and it was... not right to put it kindly. I didn't tell her that though because I wanted to stress the fact that I dont need to date/fuck a women to know I dont want to. I asked her if she needed to have sex with a women to know she liked men or if she was confused when she was my age and she didnt really answer my questions. The way I see it is that at least we are talking about it. Its a step in the right direction opposed to the wrong one.

Well thats about it. I'm about to have a crazy fun night. Hopefully have the best B-day till next year lol byeee

Hey Internet. I Love You! (... so now will you fuck me?)

2010-02-24T21:15:00.001-08:00

Umm... things are getting better. I got my laptop back. =p I have been super busy and haven't been home much lately. I have no down time which is really starting to get to me. Its ok though because being busy is good. It keeps my head straight (no pun intended)!

So today I got excused from all my classes because a certain traveling show that will not be named came to our school and I was part of the tech crew that helped them unload, set up, tear down, and reload. I also got taco bell in between all that and got to see an amazing show and meet some amazing people. =p

One of my friends who happens to be a lesbian (not Lesbian the friend I always blog about, another friend that just happens to be a lesbian), introduced me to the cutest lesbian today. She was adorable!! I say adorable because she is 15 lol. She seemed really cool and nice so hopefully I see her soon.

Also... I hate that this blog went from daily to almost daily (not that I really had much of a choice yesterday without my laptop though). I love blogging and talking to you guys. In fact if it wasn't for you guys then I would need to pay someone to help me with my problems.... and we all know the economy sucks!! Just kidding!!!! As much as I wish I had the time to log in and blog every night the reality is that I just can't. I'm not being lazy or procrastinating, I just never have any time to myself anymore. I'm not going to be breaking up with you guys anytime soon! I just want to take the paragraph to apologize if you came to my blog to get to know me and then there was nothing new. So I'm going to try and get my life better organized!! I'm going to reply to all the e-mails. Get on MSN more often and get back to your guy's comments faster/more often. =p Thats a promise! lol

Again. I haven't gotten to any e-mails yet. I'll get to them tomorrow after school. Right now im about to go pass out. =p bye guys!

Why There Wasn't A Sunday Survey...

2010-02-22T16:07:00.001-08:00

I can come and make a million excuses and tell you why but at the end of the day it wont matter. So here is the truth. My mom took my computer away. I got it back today. Luckily she didnt find anything of interest because I clear my computer after I blog. She is being a total fucking bitch. Story time....

My mom comes home and im watching TV. She starts yelling at me for idk what. She then starts yelling about how I haven't registered for classes for next year and that im a lazy bumb that does nothing. Then she CALLS my college because she doesn't believe me that registration for the next semester doesn't start till may. They tell her that and then she starts yelling at me saying I'm wasting my life and that I'm not doing anything at all. At this point I'm just like, she want to yell at me. She just wants to argue. So im like "ok. ok whatever." and then I got mad. She got to me. How the fuck am I not doing anything huh? You read my blog. You know that I have a bunch of shit going on. She just loved hating on me. She loves yelling at me and telling me how much I suck at life. Then she treats my brother like a fucking angel just to piss me off even more. WTF!?!

I'm just sick of her. Completely sick. I'm starting to hate my own mother. HATE. WTF IS HER FUCKING PROBLEM!! I dont give a shit anymore ok. I know that she is taking out all this anger on me. My uncle is dying of cancer. Her business isn't doing the best. My brother is sucking at school. I'm gay. I'm starting to grow up and she hates it. So then she takes all that anger and throws it at me. With her negative asshole comments and BS remarks about how I'm a horrible lazy son. Look. I know im not perfect and I know that I don't know everything but this much I know: I CANT TAKE HER BULLSHIT ANYMORE.

When I'm happy and successful with a husband that I love and I look back and talk about my childhood im going to talk about how much I hated my mother. Not that she was amazing and how much she supported me. I'm going to talk about how much I hated coming home and hearing her voice. How everyday was a different mood swing and I hated living in the same house with her.

Is that what she wants? Really?? I try so fucking hard. SO FUCKING HARD. I come to her and make sure she is ok. I come to her room and say I love you, good night. I make sure to tell her bye every time I walk out the door. I say I love you before I hang up the phone. Still no fucking mother son relationship. Ok. I dont go and do drugs and act like a douche like some kids do because they want attention. I go up and ask for it. So thats it. I'm unwanted then fine. I'll give up.

I have to go. I have some shit I have to deal with. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. Lots to say.

Did that all really just happen??

2010-02-20T12:11:00.000-08:00

Ready for part 2 of the longest two days of my life?? lol

Yesterday I woke up at 6am and started getting ready. I got all the food and all of the things we needed. Then around 8am I headed to my friends house to pick her up and to get the sleds and stuff. After that we dropped off her laundry because her mom used that as an excuse to let her go. After that we headed to get my third friend who I was driving and then we started out trip. We headed up to Mount Charleston. If you guys remember we were going to go up to the mountain during Senior Ditch day as the tradition held but we got stopped but the stupid district volunteers and after hours of just standing in the cold got sent home. So this was like our redemption or something. We finally made it! lol We meet up with my other two friends that drove up in their own car and started the day off sledding. Then we got the food out and ate and hung out. After that we went down to the lodge and hung out for a while. We were all soooo tired. It was crazy. It was only 12pm and we felt like we had been there for a whole 8hrs. We drove home and went to a friends house and crashed there for a couple hours and slept a bit.

Then I had to go to pick my brother up from the movie theater and take him home. I picked up some food and headed to the Black History Club because I was working the sound. It was hell and a total joke. We had no idea what was going on because the teacher was so disorganized. So once the show started we started figuring things out. The hole thing was like one big church. People were praying and praising god and bull shit. WTF? Listen im not against religion but this is a school event. An event for BLACK HISTORY. Not Jesus night. The actual kids in the club felt the same way. The person in charge invited churches and ministers and priests and stuff and they had no idea. It was just one big mess and I felt like I signed up for something I really should not have signed up for.

After that we all went to the park and hung out and then we hung out some more at my house. Big mistake because I found out that I had to drive all 6 people home. It would have been fine if they all lived so far apart from each other and from where I lived. After an HOUR of driving I finally got home. I was sooo tired. My body was giving out on me. The only reason I was still awake was because I had a energy drink and coffee and food in my system. I came home and CRASHED.

So thats why I didnt write up a post yesterday but i promise that a Survey Sunday will be posted tomorrow to make up for it ;) lol I was also going to go film a video for tomorrow but I'm so tired I dont want to go out lol

What An Amazing Life!! =p

2010-02-18T23:23:00.001-08:00

I'm coming to my senses again. I'm in a great mood. Life is moving is such a positive directions for me and im so thankful for that. Today was on of the best days I have had in a very long time. Not to say that I didnt have my fare share of stress and hell. Let me explain lol

So today my parents left to go out of town. So I decided to sleep in and miss a class. That hour passed and then I missed another. Oops lol. No big deal. So I went to school and only had 2 classes left. Not to mention I showed up during lunch so that was pretty cool. I dressed really nice today. Not that I usually don't. Just that today for some reason I felt good about the way I looked. It was nice. Anyways... I went to government after lunch. Then I had my last class which was my tech theater class. After all that we had a thespian (international society of theater people lol) meeting. I am on the council as publicist so I was on stage feeling all important (but not with an ego or anything like feeling more important then anyone else there!). Then we did voting for nominations for prom king and queen. Guess who got nominated?????? ME!! I had the most people vote for me! Woo. I know im not going to win or anything. It will go to some popular kid thats on student council. My graduating class has over 700 kids in it. Maybe 400 of them I have no real friendship with. Its just not possible to be able to know all those kids lol. The popular kids are known by everyone. They dont need to know all the 700 because the 700 know them. Idk. I guess I might have a chance. We will see...

After that I went and hung out with Lesbian and her younger gay brother. We went to best buy then target. We went to a car wash place where you can wash your own car for like a couple quarters and then we headed to get some Chipotle. Oh how I love Chipotle. Best (kind of) mexican fast food ever! lol

Then I had to go to school for a rehearsal for the Black History Show at out school. OMG what a mess. I'm an organized person. I like list and charts and outlines. I hate mess and nothingness. It frustrated me so much. This was exactly that. No one knew what was going on. The tech's where trying to figure out what the people wanted. 80% of the acts that were going to be in the show (which is tomorrow) were not there. There was no script of who goes when and what they are doing. We only have 3 of the tracks for the show. We are going to get the rest "as soon as they walk in the door tomorrow." We had no idea what was going on. So I took charge. I went downstairs (we were in the light/sound booth) and talked to all the people in charge. I told them what we needed and what we needed to get done. The stage manager was freaking out. So yes, I did her job for her. It was not out of disrespect or anything, she really did need my help. Anyway. I got it all, barley, figured out and then headed to give everyone a little pep talk to make sure they were all calm and not to stress out even more then they already were. I walked them threw the whole situation and we got threw it. With positivity! =p

THEN (yes my day is not over!) I went and picked up lesbian and we went grocery shopping for stuff for our trip tomorrow. We headed to my house and we started making a bunch of food for tomorrow! I'll tell you all more about that tomorrow because A) i dont want to be stalked and B) I have covered so much already lol. After we finised cooking and all we sat down and watched on of my all time favorite movies EVER Pineapple Express. =p

Overall an amazing day. I should most likely be asleep right now. I have to get up really early and get ready for my LONG day tomorrow. lol I love not having my parents home. I have a little more freedom and a little less annoying scolding of "where are you going!" and "why are you always out and never home" lol. Alright talk to you guys tomorrow!! I'll take some pic's for you guys tomorrow as well and post them.... No not those kind of pics pervert! ;) lol byeee!

Random Act's Of Kindness Week.

2010-02-17T20:39:00.000-08:00

This month has a very special week in it. No, im not talking about my birthday! Im talking about RAK (Random Act's Of Kindness). If you didnt know about it well its all good. It started on the 15th and it goes till the 21st of February. I have been doing little ones for the past couple days but tomorrow im going to go to random people during school and give them a compliment, draw pictures for my teachers, and write letters to people that inspire me in life. I'm going to document most, if not all, of it and post it online on my personal youtube. I hate being like "no! you can't see it!" but its protecting my identity so sorry guys you really dont get to see it. =[

I have realized that I have not been posting as often (daily) as i once was. So I'm going to try my hardest to do that from now on. It's just that life has been keeping me so fucking busy! This youtube thing is so much fun and im dedicating a lot of the time I once put on blogger on there. Then on top of that I have been working on websites for cash. Also on top of that there is the whole school thing I'm still in lol

My birthday is officially 10 days away! I'm excited for it but not as much as I thought I would be. I'll be 18. Legal. Of age. I can do more things. Buy more things. Fuck more things. Watch more things. Win more things. Loose more things. It's crazy. I'm not a kid anymore. I think that finally hit me. I'm not a kid. Now having sex with a minor is wrong. Now I can buy a pipe on my own (without a fake ID). Not that I need one lol. Just saying. It's a big deal to me. lol

My parents are going out of town tomorrow morning and coming back friday afternoon. I would totally have a party but my little brother is staying home and so is the live in. She is the person that takes care of us and the house. Kind of like a nanny but more for cleaning and she is like a sister to us. She lives with us and has her own room. She eats dinner with us and watched movies with us. She is just an extension to our family. Except she cleans the house and gets paid for it. lol

My mom is back to her bitchy self. I swear she is bipolar. I'm not being mean. I really think she is. It would explain so much. One min she is nice and loving and the next a total bitch. I can't stand it. She has way to many problems in life.

Alright well I'll talk to you guys TOMORROW (promise! lol). bye =p

Parents Making Gay Jokes. Trespassing Bullshit.

2010-02-15T19:15:00.000-08:00

My mom keeps making gay jokes. I dont know if I should be happy or sad about that. I guess in some ways it a good thing because it means they are getting more comfortable with the whole thing. On the other side I can't tell if its a form of attack. I'm not sure. Whatever it is its a step and thats always a good thing. Looking at it in a positive way here... (POSITIVITY tattoo! haha).

Well yah. I'm currently exporting one of the many video's im working on for youtube. It was a hard video to film. Got in trouble making it on the way. Did you guys know that the side walk is owned by the hotels? Yah and I need a fucking permit to film on the sidewalk. How stupid? Its not like im profiting from it. Whatever. They sent me off with a warning and they said the next time they will charge me with "trespassing." BULLSHIT!

I still don't know what I'm doing for my birthday. Its in less then two weeks. I've decided im going to smoke weed one more time before im 18. Just to get it out of my system. I miss it. Music is starting to suck. I'm listing to the radio on my laptop right now. These songs are REALLY BAD! Who the fuck decides to play this shit. Its horrible. Alright guys. Need to right a script for another video I need to film/edit and upload by tomorrow 7pm. byee!!

Going To Fuck Him...

2010-02-13T23:30:00.000-08:00

Zac Efron is so fucking gorgeous! I saw a picture of him and he looks so fucking hot. To bad he is straight... I swear one day im going to fuck that boy.

Anyways... I went over to a friends house today and we watched a movie and sat by the fire and had a good time. I love the lazy days like that. Where you can sit back and chill with friends and just have a fun time. My two friends have been going out for 2-3 years now. Its crazy how in love they are. Kinda shows me that its worth all the BS you go threw to find the one.

Lots of video's going on in the next couple days. Filming tomorrow and Monday. I need to get money so I can buy myself better lighting and a green screen. I'm actually filming two different video's so we will see how that goes. I also want to get another memory card because mine only holds 30min of footage. Yah... Exactly lol

I still need to work on the short film. I'm re-writing a couple scenes and redoing the shots I want/need to get. Its going to be fucking epic this time lol

My 18th birthday is coming up and idk what I want to do. I was going to go see Thunder Down Under but that would be hard to explain to my parents. I just dont want to be like "I'm going to go to see a bunch of nude guys dance on stage!" lol Its awkward. My mom offered me $400 to go shopping with and I said no. She then was like how about an alarm clock. I said no. I don't want her to just spend money like that for no reason. I rather just her save it up for something that will mean something to me. Idk...

Lots Of Gayness...

2010-02-11T22:18:00.000-08:00

Had a crazy busy day. Hung out with my gay peeps. Lots of gayness occurred today. Let me explain:

Well. I went to school today and it was a good day. Our school is doing the fundraiser for Haiti where teachers and administrators will get pied by students for $3. It was a good cause and the teachers were really good sports about it. We even had our principle out there getting pied. Amazing what people will do for charity!

Then I invited myself to go with Lesbian and her gay brother. I asked him if he identifies as gay or bi because I wanted to hear if he was comfortable enough to say it. He didnt really answer. He said something along the lines: "well I would fuck a girl." then I asked if he has. He said he had but I called BS and said it out load. How did I know? I just did. It was fake. You could hear it in his voice and the way he responded. So the kid is still a tad confused. Its ok. He is turning 16. I guess he has time to figure it out...

Also the kid on the real world. The "bi not gay" one. Yah. He is pretty gay. I know bi kids. I know kids that will look at women the way I look at men and then look at the same man im looking at and have a competition on who can get him first. This kid just likes the attention. Women LOVE giving out attention. Guy's, especially gay insecure ones, love that attention. I know. I have seen it first hand...

Also I was watching Oprah today and there was a transgender on and her story was amazing. She was the high school star. She was a he. Know a women. Really nice message and genuine in how hard it was for her to transition. I got me thinking about how I want to talk to teens about coming out.

Anyways... we have a long weekend coming up. I have a lot to do so its going to be a pretty busy one... Also im still trying to decide on what to do on my birthday. Thunder Down Under? Or just a party? Or maybe go too Lion King with the family. Thats the good part of living in vegas. Lots to do when you 18+ haha.

Dating a trannie =p

2010-02-10T17:41:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have been so busy and that this blog has taken a back seat. Sorry if it feels that way to you guys. So lets get right into this:

I have been crazy busy. Been working my ass off with all this video stuff. Im downloading Final Cut Express right now off a torrent. Yah, I know, I hate myself too. I just cant afford it. Im getting paid by the end of the month so im hopefully going to be able to actually buy the software soon. I hate it when I get software online from companies I like. Like Apple. If it was adobe I wouldnt give 2 shits haha.

So yah. I've been listing to RENT all day. I'm kinda addicted to Light My Candle. Also for some odd reason I really want to date a trannie haha jk.

Anyways... how is everyone? I've been pretty good lately. Life seems to be moving in a positive direction. Which is always good. I'm thinking about doing a coming out video on youtube. I might just wait till next years coming out day. We will see. I have a while for that...

K. Going to go back to working on HW and the website. Fun stuff...

When You Compare. There Is No Comparison.

2010-02-08T21:11:00.000-08:00

I have been video chatting with a couple guys on skype lately. I dont know if you guys remember but I have this thing where I dont want to hookup with guys until I find someone that I really do like. I dont mind doing the whole cam thing though. I meet one kid that was really hot. Anyway. I dont want to get into details cause I think thats a little personal ;)

Anyways. I shot a video for youtube today. It is really bad but my camera's battery died and its only a short introduction video so hey. I hope people like me =p I'm filming this big video this weekend. Also I'm working on a new website for a client. It's a jeweler so she wants her main site and then a shop site. Im going to charge her $300 for the site and then $400 for the shop. I think its a really good price. Usually people pay 1,500+ for a simple static site. The one she wants is pretty intense with flash and lots of pics and options. Oh and lots of jQuary cause of all the animations/transitions she wants. Oh and on top of all of that I have to work on the short film.

I really want to see Valentines Day. It seems like a cute movie. Maybe I'll ask someone to go with me. I have someone in mind but I'll let you know if it ends up happening. I have a lot of things going on as you can tell. So a date or even just a night out with friends would be nice. =p

Short Film Is...

2010-02-07T10:10:00.000-08:00

GOING TO STATE! =p woo! It didn't showcase and it didnt get the highest possible mention but hey. I'm going to state. One of the judges came up to me after awards and talked to me about what I need to change/fix. It was really nice of him. So now I have to work on the film before state. Which is next month. Going to be crazy but im going to do it! =p

Anyways. I'm officially on a colab channel on youtube. I would tell you which one but I use my real name there and dont want to give that away. I'm excited for that! Making new friends around the world is always fun. The guys on the colab (and girl) are pretty nice and they seem friendly. We all talked last night on skype.

Anyways. I wasn't planning on a Survey Sunday because of the Super Bowl but if you guys still want to do one... Who is the hottest/sexiest football player?? (they dont have to be playing today).

Exactly 20 days till my birthday. =p Just saying...

525,600 min...

2010-02-05T16:58:00.000-08:00

Im in a horrible mood though... Its just been one of those days. Im tired and I'm still sick. I have been sick for the longest time now. Like two weeks. This is getting on my last nerve. I could sleep for days...

Tomorrow is my competition. Hope I do well... We will see. I'll let you know. The reason this is so short is because I'm going to see Rent again. Also I just dont seem to be in a very happy mood and I dont like to share with you guys. I'm at a point where I just want to be alone for a bit. I was out with friends all day (after school) and just got home. It's also a really ugly day outside...

Just got back from seeing Rent again... I opened the computer and noticed I didnt post this. Oops. Angel (the cross dresser) was so good. Im fascinated at how well he played the role. Im super tired. My friends had car trouble on the way home so im waiting to get the call that they are home and safe. Im a good friend. =p

So yah. Tomorrow is the film. Burning the (hopefully) final draft on a DVD. I'm pretty happy with it. The only thing is that the color's are a bit dark on the DVD and not on the computer. Im going to burn another one with a lighter tone and see which one plays better. Hopefully the quality doesn't get messed up in the process.

Quick Post About My GAY DAY!

2010-02-03T22:59:00.000-08:00

School was boring as always. I had to write this sonnet and me being the lazy kid that I am (im not really that lazy) didnt write it until the last min. So it sucked. No big deal really. We got credit for reading it out load not how good it was.

After school I headed to the Planet Hollywood with my friends. It was Lesbian, our friend, and her little gay brother. So there were 3 gays out of four. =p Now only if that was the ratio in my high school! lol

I got a really cute outfit from H&M. Its simple and not too flashy. I think I look hot in it. =p I also got this really cute case for my iPhone. It has a peace sign on the back and as the "home" button on the front. =p

I'm so tired. I have way to much hw to do and I didnt even get started. Its 11pm here so I have to go. Yah. I know. Pretty lame post. Its whatever. Im sure tomorrow I'll write one about a really hot gay guy that im going to meet (i can dream right?). No but really... im going to a theatre thing so there will be a bunch of hot gay guys. =p I'll let you know how it goes.

My Tattoo and BEING GAY IS NOT WRONG!! (updated post)

2010-02-02T19:33:00.000-08:00

So I want a tattoo. Something that means something to me. Its going to say positivity and I want it on my right hand wrist (palm facing up). Can't visualize it? Oh, thats ok. I photoshoped a picture of what it would look like. Haha I actually uploaded the picture to my facebook and all my friends believed it was real. What can I say? Im pretty good at photoshop. =p Here is the pic:

So my parents wont let me get it. The plan was to get it on my 18th birthday at the end of the month. The only problem is because of all my extra curricular activities and the short film and a bunch of other things that I have been working on I haven't had time to get a job and earn my own money. So there thing is that they dont want me to have one so they are not paying for it. They know I dont have money so that means I wont be able to get it. Parents... So now I need to come up with $80. I have no idea how im going to do just that. =[

I also got a haircut and my brows done today. Looking pretty hot if I say so myself. Going to go shopping tomorrow after school to get the "you picked the wrong boy" outfit for the film competition this weekend where Jake (the asshole that told me he liked me and then a week later had a boyfriend that wasn't me) will be at. Other then seeing him I'm pretty excited! I have shown the film to around 30 people and so far I have gotten great reviews. A lot are saying its too short and that means its good because that means they got into it and it didnt bore them to death. It is only a 5 min film but it took me over 3 months to Write, Produce, Direct, & Edit. So thats all good. =p

Also thanks to everyone that e-mailed me today. It was a great distraction during my boring government class. All we did was watch the state of the union address. I had already seen it so I was pretty bored. =p

UPDATED: I felt the urge to write more. I just read a stupid article on some church website. I closed the page so I dont have the link. It was a question from a mother asking "is my teen son gay" she said she was worried he was because he liked arts more then sports and has no male friends. The person that replied said that people with homosexual tendencies usually have them because there father son relationship sucks and/or because of incest and molestation. WTF? The person then goes on to say that these "tendencies" can change. What bull shit.

If there is a kid out there reading my blog this is for you: You are more then perfect the way you are. If you think there is anything wrong with being gay then please please listen to this: Being gay is not wrong. It's normal and not something that you can choose or change. If you like boys then you like boys. Its not a big deal. Some people wont understand that and tell you its wrong. Well they are wrong. How would they know? Are they gay? No. You are! Do you feel like you are doing something wrong? No? Good. Cause you are not.

I really want to help. If you ever need anyone to talk to about anything. If you are having feelings you don't understand. If you feel like your all alone. If you need a friend. Im here for you. Please understand that. I really do care.

to give It up to the first guy, first try, first lie, first goodbye.

2010-02-01T20:31:00.001-08:00

That's from Never Shout Never's song called Fifteen. Its a cute song. I'll post a video for it below this post so you can take a listen! Also remember to keep voting on the Survey Sunday! I will tally up the votes and announce the winner next sunday!!!

So just so you guys know if you ever ever feel like you want to have a conversation with me go for it. I know sometimes I take a day or so to reply but I have set up my e-mail for this blog on my phone so know i will be able to reply SUPER FAST! haha So yah. The best way to talk to me is probably e-mail because I dont have that much time to log on to messenger. I want this blog to be a little more personal (if thats possible) lol. So how was everyones monday?? I kinda hate mondays just because we have to go to school. Im not going to complain about it though. Its life haha

I think I might have mentioned it before but Lesbians brother is gay. He is 15. I kind of really hurt him once a while ago. I didnt hit him or anything. I just kind of pointed out the fact that he was gay before he was out. AKA I outed him. I know it not an excuse but I was drunk. I was also outed at the very same moment and I guess me being 16 & a tad less mature was like "if im going down your coming with me!" It was stupid and I out of all people know how much I hurt the kid. I kind of think thats why he isnt 100% with saying "im gay" yet. He keeps going back and forth between gay and bi and saying he isnt and then saying he is. Its denial and its normal.

So I finally had the time to apologize where it was just me and him(keep in mind i usually only see him when I go over to Lesbians house and that involves being with her). He said he accepts it and I know it took a lot for him to say that because he isnt that type of person. The kid is really cool and I would definitely call him a friend. It hurt me more then anything to look back and see what I must have put him thew. He really didnt deserve that.

So im currently exporting the first final draft of Even Without You. As soon as thats done I will put it on a DVD and watch it with my parents downstairs on the HD big screen TV and see how it looks and sounds. I think the levels are a bit low. I was trying to make it quiet but I might have made it a tad too quiet. I'll let you know how it looks and sounds. Here is the song:

Survey Sunday!

2010-01-31T20:23:00.001-08:00

So here it is. Another edition of Survey Sunday. This week the pics are from the brand spanking new Me Myself nd Some Boys 2 blog =p Thanks again for reading and look for a good post tomorrow (lots to tell you guys!!) Alright get at it:

Who is hotter??

I already know who I picked. Who do you think is hotter? Leave a comment and I'll tally up the answers in the next post! =p

I Hugged A Trani! =p

2010-01-31T00:15:00.000-08:00

Well... not a real one... I went and saw this high school's musical. I'm not sure if you know of it. Its not that big of a deal in the gay world. Its called RENT! Yah! A high school version of rent. It was great. The only thing they took out was the word fuck and the gays didnt kiss. There was tons of sexual interaction though so not bad.

The show was AMAZING. I never thought a high school could pull off what they did. It really was a great performance. The guy that plays Angel (the trani in question) was really nice. I went up to hi after the show and told him how good of a job he did and he gave me a hug. He seemed like someone I could totally be good friends with lol

Other then that there wasnt many guys that I found attractive there. Whatever... I know that Jake (the douche that fucked me over) went yesterday (friday). P.s. By the time I post this it will be sunday because its fast midnight. Im still righting it as if it was Saturday...

Look for the sunday survey tomorrow(aka latter today according to blogger)! There is going to be some really cute guys t choose from!! =p

I'll also get to the comments and e-mail tomorrow (later today).

ITS THE CLIMB!!!!!! (3 Gays In Seclusion...)

2010-01-29T19:53:00.000-08:00

No... I'm not listing to Miley Cyrus. I went out with lesbian to Red Rock Canyon. =p It was so much fun. We had a blast and her little brother came with. He is 15 and he's also gay. So it was basically 3 gay peeps up in the mountains. Fun stuff right? haha.

Anyways. My mom is still being a total douche. Im not saying that as the annoying immature teen that wants "space." Im saying it as the mature 18 year old (IN ONE MONTH!) that just cant stand the fact that his mother is treating him like shit because she is depressed and in pain. She really is just throwing all the anger my way. Just taking it all out on me.

Im going out with friends tomorrow to see a show. My short film is in its final stages. I would call it a rough final draft. Im going to ask people to watch it. I want to find people that have no bias though. People that dont know me. Im sorry guys you pretty much know me lol So im not going to post it here... I would but it has my real name and my friends names and thats not something i just going to put out on the internet.

Im in much better of a mood and I really really really appreciate all the nice comment you guys made with the advice! It means more then anyone would ever know. You comments really do help me make the right choices sometimes and for that I owe you =p

P.s. i only used the smiley face once in this post. im in rehabs from smiley if you will! haha