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Pride Pics.

on Monday, May 31, 2010
genuinely forgot. Here they are. (p.s. im going to blog later today. im just in a rush to get shit done right now lol) The second one had the HOTEST ass in the world. They were wearing nothing but tight wight boxer briefs.




























Refresh.

on Sunday, May 30, 2010
I took a couple days off on the blog. Needed to refresh a bit.

First, thanks =p
Second, thanks again.
Third, how are you? I feel like we haven't "talked" in a while.
Forth, I FINALLY GOT THOSE PICS FROM PRIDE! One of them didnt download right but im going to try again and see if it works. I'll post them at the end of the post. =p

I just wanted to really quickly update you on my friend I wrote about. She is currently with some guy that is giving her a little attention. She has missed about 3 or 4 big social events with her best friends to go make stupid decisions again. I understand you guys to know her and you can only go off what im saying, which means you are looking for the best in the person. I talked to my friends about it. They all feel the same way as I did. I ended up telling one of the girls that I trust the most about the surprise because I needed help on deciding. She didn't help me much because she said the same thing as I did in the post. She said in the long run for her it's a reassurance that she doesn't need to try hard in life. That things will always be giving to her and that I would be the one that she asks things of and when she doesn't receive she will blow up. K. Thats that. Just wanted to update you all on that thing now back to the post.

These past few days have been very un-gay. I mean no gay stuff is going on. I dont have a boyfriend, I haven't met any new gay guys. Nothing. It's been fry since pride. Im going to college soon so im hopping that will change! =p

I have been focusing on film and stuff. Me and a partner, her name is shelby, are working together on a youtube channel. We just started the process. We had our first meeting where we came up with all the details like the name and the schedule of uploading videos, when we are going to launch, what type of videos we want to do, video ideas, ect. Then we had our second meeting this past friday where we wrote four different skits type videos. Our first filming day is tuesday. =p Im excited.

These past few days have been pretty awesome. Friday was like the longest day ever. Shelby (the friend that makes stupid decisions) called me at 12:30am when i was sleeping. She needed a place to stay. She says she was to tired to drive 30min home. My theory is that she was going to sleep at this guys house and then his mom got mad so she had no place to stay. So she called me. Woke ME up. Then at 7am I got a text from her friend saying "wake up now!" why? i have no idea. So i go wake up the friend. I didnt have finals that day but she did. She told me that she was paranoid last night and stayed up studying for three hours because she had her english final and she needed to do good on it or she wont pass the class and wouldn't graduate. (umm. then why the fuck did you drive all the way to a different city to see some bands show that you couldn't even get into because is was 21+ and then drive all of your "fiends" home and then take the guy home?) Anyway. I didnt care much about me being woken up. I could have slept for another couple hours but whatever. Then (an hour late cause of the friend). I went to IHOP with my other friend taylor for breakfast. SOOO GOOD =p I love her. She is the one I talked to about the whole trip surprise thing. We had an amazing couple of conversations. Then we headed to the park with my other friend Danika (she is the fourth member of the trip). Anyway then I had a meeting with shelby about the youtube stuff. We wrote and all. After that we were going to see Sex and the City 2 but then we changed plans. I went and got a plastic tube, hose type thing and fixed my hookah hose. It was pretty epic of me. Then I also got a wide-angle lens and super glued a ring on my flip so i could screw it on. It looks amazing and works awesome. The guys at best buy where like wtf? I wouldn't recommend that. Well... I do. =p

That was friday.

Yesterday, Saturday, I basicly worked all day. Yah. Thats it. I still need to finish the project. Deadline it 10am tomorrow and im going out tonight to a family BBQ which I cant dip out. Then im going to a concert. So we will see if I finish. GTG work!! =p bye!

My friend.

on Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I love her to death but she is very naive about life. She makes stupid decisions all the time. It's like there is a part in her brain that just skips right over the "maybe i should think about this" step.

She comes from a broken home. Dad and mom dont really have much. Education or money wise. They are separated and truthfully dont seem to care much. I quote glee: "im your mother but not your mom" diffrent situation but it fits lol. She lived in a bad part of town and she went to a bad school. She and this other girl were the only white kids there. I hate to say it but the kids there either turn to drugs or get pregnant by the time they are 19.

The thing with her is she got lucky. She got to go to a good school in the nice part of town. She meet people that helped her out and loved her and gave her a place to stay on the weekend so she didnt need to drive back and forth. They cared and made her family. She has so much potential in life but she still fails.

She makes bad/stupid decisions left and right. She always gets hurt and no matter what she always makes them. Whether its about a guy, her friends, her money, what she is doing, whatever. It's these kind of decisions that are going to kill her one day. The whole high school/being around your friends/controlled environment, is over. The real world is here and im scared she isnt going to be so lucky anymore.

Im scared she is going to end up like her sister or her family or something. With a baby but no father, some dead beat boyfriend, drugs, drunk, living in some shitty apartment.

There is a point where "you need to learn from your own mistakes" turns into "when are you going to start learning from your mistakes?"

I see that, and it hurts me. I see where she could potentially end up and every time she makes a stupid decision and she doesnt listen to me and totally has no idea that she did... i get hurt because i care.

Now I dont mean stupid decisions like doing drugs or whatever. I mean really stupid decisions. Stuff like abandoning your best friends planned celebratory night because some guy texted you and is showing you a little attention. Or spending your money on something stupid when you have a senior trip planned out where everyone has been specific on how we need the money to go. Or having a major leadership role like being an assistant director and not doing ANYTHING at all for 4 months. Oh and my favorite... pushing people buttons to the point where I can't handle being around her. It sounds simple but its the point that she has no responsibility or shown that she can handle it. It's like she isnt grown up sometimes.

So what do I do? Tell her? Is that to tough for tough love? Will it ruin our friendship? Even if it does will it save her? Should I just step back and see how it all plays out and just hope for the best?

Don't tell me im over reacting because im not. My friends have sat and talked about this before. Its apparent that she most likely will end up being "white trash" if she keeps acting so immature and making these stupid decisions. Keep in mind that if you think im over reacting maybe I just didnt do a good job of explaining her ways to you (which i fear may be the case).


You Advice Is Epic.

on Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Thanks guys! It really did help me out tuns. Still really behind and kinda "shutting down" (jon you read me like a book haha). I'm really scared about not graduating right now. I did the math. I need a 75% or better on my english final to pass the class. That is without the makeup work im hopping my teacher will still put in for this quarter. If I dont pass english im going to die. IM NOT DOING A SEMESTER OF THIS SHIT lol no way. Yet im still not doing any of the work I should be doing right now. Im still a mess. I NEED this to pass. One more day till finals start. Yikes. English is all im worried about.

Also I need to finish this website and catalogue. It should have been done already and its not. I keep pushing the deadline back and back and now its thursday. I dont think Im going to finish it by thursday. Not with this whole graduation shit going on. Its $2,000 on the line. I need that money to sign up for classes.

Also my graduation orientation was today. It was more like "DONT DO THIS, THAT, AND DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT THINKING ABOUT DOING THIS!" yah. so ready to be done with school. it hit me when they said: "as soon as you walk out of the center and you pass the (school district) police on their bikes you can do ANYTHING you want. ANYTHING. Just know that right after you pass the (district cops) there are metro in their cars standing there." Yah. we are officially almost in the real world here. lol

Ok here is another piece I would like your help/advice with:

Me and two of my BEST friends are taking a road trip down to california for a week right after graduation (the day after lol). Anyway. We already have tickets to six flags and plans to go to venice beach and all that fun stuff. I lived there until 4th grade and I know that place like the back of my hand so its cool. I kind of wanted to surprise my friends with tickets to Universal Studios Hollywood. I was going to call their parents and make sure its cool that we stay an extra day and then surprise them the day they think we are going home. I love the place but its expensive to pay for me and all my friends. It's like $300. Thats not the point though. The thing is im afraid that the gift and the thought would backfire. I feel like im being to much of a good friend and that will make them invest less into the friendship. You get what im saying? Like if they get so much already why do they need to try? Also they might just take it for granted and not really see it as the kind of kind gesture of an AMAZING gift that it is. It would be a pretty cool graduation gift lol. I know that one of them, Taylor, would totally appreciate it the whole thing wouldn't backfire. Im not so sure about the other two.

So what do I do? Anyone?!?

A Week.

on Monday, May 24, 2010
Do you care about my life? Because I don't. Im done. I havnt gone to school for more then 4 hours in the past week. I havn't done any homework or work at all. Im done i guess. I dont know what to do. I have a meeting tomorrow and I havn't finished the work I needed to finish. FUCK. I get mad just thinking about it all.

I have to pick up my dad from the airport today at 11pm. That's in a few hours. My mom is still out there. She wont be making it to my graduation. IF I end up graduating thanks to absences and my F in English. Yah... I checked out a month ago. Hopefully I do good on the final and pass the class. OR IM FUCKED. lol

So what has happened in the past weeks? Lots. I got a facial and she went to hard and now my face looks like it slid across asphalt. We had thespian awards night and I got: "best thespian" and "best publicist" oh and "shining star" yah. whatever lol

I'm treating youtube as a job this summer. Taking a break after this last project. I feel like its something I really want to do before school starts.

Im so behind everything in life. I need a vacation. NOW. asdaks

Finals start Thursday then i have Friday and Monday off and my last 2 finals Tuesdays. Wednesday is graduation rehearsal and im DONE. It's kinda sad but whatever. Life moves on.

I have this friend and I've grown to care about her and then she makes stupid decisions and it hurts me because she doesn't see them and when I bring it up I look like an asshole.

Thats whats up guys. Do you guys still care?! Fuck. I'm so fucking over everything. I want to move on in life.

I have 6 pages of math I need to do and a website to finish and im watching TV and blogging. Yah. Im done lol

Good news? June 8th im taking a well deserved vacation. Yes. LA here I come. I have decided that I'm "coming out" here soon. My real name. My real pictures (not that i have fake pictures. prom pic was real lol). My real everything. I'll even link you to my youtube where I will be doing video blogs so you can stalk me down and rape me. Yah. I dont care anymore haha. Here's my address: yah. thats not happening.

Living/Loosing A Life.

on Monday, May 17, 2010
So here is the thing. I have surprisingly taken this pretty well. After the first couple days I have come to terms with it all. I took time out to fully grasp the whole thing and im proud to say that I truly am doing ok.

The process was weird. It involved being a jerk and then being really open hearted. It then lead me to friends and having a good time and forgetting the bad thing that was going on. After that I needed space. So I didnt answer texts, tweets, whatever. I stayed home and did nothing all day. Basically ran from all of the things I needed to do/get done. I even ended up not going to school today. I laughed a lot though. Stupid humor mostly. Stuff that was immature and meant nothing to others but made me laugh. From a bell to the I Am T-Pain auto-tune iphone app. Oh and justin beiber on ellen. Yah im pretty sure I spelled that wrong but he isnt really that big of a deal for me to google right now.

I discovered foursquare today. So now people can stalk me even more and stuff lol Its a pretty cool concept except that none of my friends use it so its not that useful other then "checking-in" places. It's cool though so im going to keep looking into it.

Anyways. Im going to talk on skype now so im going to GTFO. This week is hectic so I'll try to blog as much as I can without failing.

DID ANYONE SEE THE DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES FINALE?!? leave a comment lets talk about it.

Death.

on Saturday, May 15, 2010
My uncle has passed away from cancer. Dont ask me what kind because from what I know it spread everywhere and thats all that matters. He was young but I dont know the exact age. He was around his young 30's. He has two children. A daughter that is 10 (or 11) and a son that is 3. He also had a son die at birth that would be around the age of 5 at this time.

I have to tell you that im not one to cry and weep over the loss of people. I guess it has to do with the fact that I (emotionally) have became accustomed to seeing people leave me during my childhood. Its sad but whatever. It gave me a tough skin.

The timing was shit. Not that there could ever be good timing in this case. I will break it down for you.

-May 13th 10:45pm: I get home from a night out at a restaurant with a big group of friends. I sit with my mom and dad and have a talk about life, friends, and people in general. This goes on for a good two hours.

May 13th 1:00am: I head to bed and noticed my cell phone was dead. I use my cell phone's alarm feature to wake up and without it I would be late for school. So instead of waiting for it to turn on I just asked my mom to wake me up at 8 in the morning so I could go to school. Something I have never done. Ever.

-May 14th 1:30am: I watched some TV and my phone had time to charge and turn on. I take my phone out and check my apps. Horoscope, weather, and my email. Then turn on my alarm and head to sleep.

-May 14th 3:00am: My dad comes into my room and wakes me up. He tells me that he is packing and that he is leaving $100 on my desk for emergencies. It all seems rushed but at the same time I didnt feel in danger or worried for my parents safety and well being. I asked them what happened. Remember I was half asleep when I had been woken up. He told me my uncle died. At that time my mom came into my room and yelled at my dad for waking me up because I had school the next day and at that point they left and I feel asleep.

-May 14th 8:00am: My mom comes in and tells me to wake up. I tell her I dont want to go to school and im missing my first period so she goes to write me a note. She comes back with it and tells me she is leaving at 9am to go to the airport.

May 14th 9:00am: My uncle (from my dads side. irony?) comes to take my parents to the airport. I hug my mom, while she is in tears, then my dad. They head down stairs and as they leave I hear my mom: "Its no fair." It hit me hard.

May 14th 11am-1:12pm: I was at school. I actually skipped another class and came at lunch. It was an off day and I was keeping my self "ok" by being a total asshole. It was how I got my anger out. I bitched out a few freshman threw out the day. There was 10min where I happened to be alone and I started to loose it. I started balling but was forced to stop when I heard someone coming. Then I went home. I sat im my car in the driveway of my house for a good 10min just listing to the nature with the windows down. It felt good. I was a mess.

May 14th 5pm: I had to go to school for call time. It was closing night. I didnt want to go. It the last show I will ever tech/be in with all my friends. Ever. I went to the gas station and grabbed two energy drinks and chugged them on the way. I got there and we did "circle." It's where we all get in a circle (usually just actors but it was senior night so techs go as well) and we take turns talking. It gets really emotional. You know, because I didnt have enough to cry about already. It finally got to me and I had to make sure to use the right words or else I would loose it and not be able to stop. Everything I said was very basic. No details. Yet, somehow, my speech was more meaningful then anyone else's.

May 14th 6:15pm: The show opens in 15min and we just finished circle. Everyone was asking me if I was ok because they saw it in me. I was a wreck. It was hard but I convinced them to not worry about it and go on with the show. Like I said, If i would have started to cry I wouldnt have stopped for days.

May 14th: 8:45pm: By this time the show was over. My parents were on their final flight (to a place far away). I decided to go to the cast party even though I was still upset. From there on it doesnt matter.

May 15th is my fathers birthday. Happy birthday dad. See you in two weeks.

Work.

on Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Im still working on getting those pics from pride... thats what I get for not bringing my own camera haha

I have been doing so much freelance work ever since I turned 18 but nothing compares to how much work I have right now. Im currently in the processes of 4 different projects. Im making a good amount of money and I got one of the checks yesterday for a third of the money.

Im currently working on 3 projects for a jewelry site and another project for this huge company that creates glass doors and is now pushing into the technology side of the business and they want to sell it threw a website.

The Jeweler project is three parts. One is a website landing page with all the info about her and all that contact info. The second is a e-commerce store with over 40 items. The third is a 1,000 item catalogue of her entire line. I know. YIKES!

On top of that I have been doing the school publicity and its crazy.

The shows opening night is tomorrow. I have been running around left and right with no time to breathe. Its so bad. I dont get home till 5pm then I have had meetings with the clients every day since friday. I need to time for me.

The show goes till friday. One of the projects due date is tomorrow and the other is monday. Then I need to send a proposal to another company for a website they want to work on with me.

Im super tired and I need to rest. Im going to head to bed. Ill talk to you soon.

LV Pride 2010

on Saturday, May 8, 2010
One of the best time of my life was a couple weekends ago. I went to the parade for the first time ever. It was so much fun. We were right in the center where they do all the judging and such. They had two trani hostesses and a few gay & lesbian judges.

The floats: OMG. Hot naked men. Well they were no completely nude but they might has well have been. Tiny white undies that totally showed off their packages. I got pics with these guys from CRUSH. I'll talk more about CRUSH later though. I got hit on so many times. Not even tooting my own horn or whatever. Like they were handing out cards and one guy goes: "wait. here is some personal information for you." and hands me his card. haha

After the parade they had an after party hosted by CRUSH. It was 18 and over so guess who got to go?!?! ME! We went in and it was dead. Music was hot. People were just standing around and I wanted to dance. So I was like, "fuck this." I got out on the dance floor and started dancing. It took a min or two but then people started joining in and BOOM. I started the party!! I was having so much fun and dancing with all these cute guys that were my age. All of which, with my luck, where taken...

Then my friends mom (who is totally into the whole gay scene) was like ok. We are dipping out and going to Flex. Which is a gay/trani bar which is 21+. At first I was like "ummm... but im having fun and there are hot guys and its JUST getting started!!"but eventually I was like ok fine lets go. So we left for Flex. We got there and they were carding so we just went threw the back. Yah... exactly lol All the trani's were doing their little shows and I was having fun sipping on a cranberry vodka (later on a couple more and a red bull vodka as well) then I hear: "OMG GUESS WHO IS HERE." No, not lady gaga. It's this guy that was in love with me last year. Like totally on my nuts. Im not going to lie. We fucked once. My friends dont know and I would never say because he is a fucking douche bag and I can't stand it. Oh and im embarrassed that I had sex with him but whatever. I topped. Anyway... He was drunk and making out with is "hook up buddy" when he saw me he pretended to not remember me. Bull shit. You texted me last week trying to get some you asshole. Plus. Im way out of your league so STFU.

So I was over it and got tipsy enough to forget about that, dance with a "lady gaga" trani and think about how my mom is going to kill me if she finds out about this. So we headed home after a while.

This is one of my first gay experiences in the scene. I wont forget it for the rest of my life. I have those pics with the guys I took but they are on my friends camera and im waiting for her to send them to me. When I get them I will post them for sure.

So prom picture... here you go. I hope it doesn't disappoint haha It's a link because I dont want the picture to devalue the text in the post because its an important one to me. here you go: http://i39.tinypic.com/30cyjkp.jpg

gtg friends are at the door.

In A Rush.

I have 7 min to be at school for rehearsal. Yah. thats not going to happen lol How does time go by so fast? I got back from the hotel this morning and just finished editing a video that I need to upload and leave. Agh! 6 min now.

I will blog again after rehearsal today with that picture. Around 6 hours from now. So check back. There is so much to blog about and so little time lol

Ok. just got a text: "WHERE ARE YOU?!?!" haha got to go.

I'm not dead. Just REALLY busy...

on Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Sorry guys. I think this is the first time in a week or so that I have had the time to open up blogger and sit and write a blog. I have been running around left and right doing shit. It's been like a fucking tornado.

That picture. I know I promised to have it up that day but it totally flew over my head till CP sent me an email lol. Which I had time to read in government class today because we were presenting projects. So I'll upload it tomorrow after my tech rehearsal. UPDATE: To make it up to you ill upload a couple pics of me with these hot guys from pride. =p

Sorry this post is so short. I really need to get back to work. I have so much shit I need to get ready for tomorrow. Not to mention this weekend. AGH!!

Umm here is a list of stuff we need to talk about:

1. PRIDE (sooo much fun.)
2. Work
3. School/friends/teen baby story.
4. New play at school.
5. Parents.
6. Graduation.
7. He's single.
8. Music Video.
9. Awards Night.