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When Birthdays Go Bad.

on Sunday, February 28, 2010
I'm not going to complain. Any birthday is a great one. It means that you survived a year in this crazy world we all live in. This is a blog though and in a blog you tell about your life/day and thats what im going to do. It's not my fault it wasn't the best birthday but it was my birthday and im going to share it with you. I'm not mad, sad, or disappointed. It was just one out of the (hopefully) many birthdays to come.

So the party the night before was horrible. Everyone passed out before we even got drunk. Passed out as in fell asleep. it was bad. It was really boring and I quote: "the worst party ever." Yah. Exactly. Anyways: the cool things is my mom decorated the house and got me a cake which was awesome cause it showed me that she cared. =p

The next day I woke up and had to clean the house. My friends went home and I watched tv for the rest of the day. The best part of the day was when my cousin, who im best friends with, got me cupcakes from this place in vegas that is "gay friendly." They were AMAZING cupcakes lol. Then we went to dinner with the family. We got there at 6:30pm with a reservation and only got seated at 7:30 and started to eat at 8pm. Well then my brother got sick and threw up (before we ate). Then he nearly fainted and my parents were not even at the table most of the time because they were taking him to the restroom and outside and to the car, ect. I got home and then left to my friends house to watch movies for a good hour or so.

Yah. So that was my 18th birthday. Oh in case you were wondering I didnt get anything gift wise. Well my mom got me a card and those cupcakes were delicious! haha So yah.

I re-filmed another scene for the short film today and it turned out much better this time. I fixed a few issues I had and now im going to edit for the rest of the night. Peace out. =p

18!!! =p

on Friday, February 26, 2010
Thats right!! Tomorrow, the 27th, I will be 18 years old. So that makes this my birthday eve if you will lol My parents got a hotel and let me have the house. They let me invite 3 of my closest friends to come spend the night and party really hard. Which, by the way, was hard and a bunch of people got mad at me cause they couldn't come, but shit happens and you move on. Right? Yes. Right.

So I had this really intense talk with my mom about being gay last night. It started with me telling her I was invited to Chippendale's, the show with naked men. To summarize: she thinks I need to experience both men and women before I "know" and that im too young and "confused" at "this age" to really know who I am attracted to. She also said that she "hopes a women comes along that turns my whole life around." When I questioned her with "why do you want me to change??" she said she didnt say that and that she meant for "experience." I tried to explain to her that im not confused and that I dont need experience. Which by the way I have had. I had sex with a women i was dating once and it was... not right to put it kindly. I didn't tell her that though because I wanted to stress the fact that I dont need to date/fuck a women to know I dont want to. I asked her if she needed to have sex with a women to know she liked men or if she was confused when she was my age and she didnt really answer my questions. The way I see it is that at least we are talking about it. Its a step in the right direction opposed to the wrong one.

Well thats about it. I'm about to have a crazy fun night. Hopefully have the best B-day till next year lol byeee

Hey Internet. I Love You! (... so now will you fuck me?)

on Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Umm... things are getting better. I got my laptop back. =p I have been super busy and haven't been home much lately. I have no down time which is really starting to get to me. Its ok though because being busy is good. It keeps my head straight (no pun intended)!

So today I got excused from all my classes because a certain traveling show that will not be named came to our school and I was part of the tech crew that helped them unload, set up, tear down, and reload. I also got taco bell in between all that and got to see an amazing show and meet some amazing people. =p

One of my friends who happens to be a lesbian (not Lesbian the friend I always blog about, another friend that just happens to be a lesbian), introduced me to the cutest lesbian today. She was adorable!! I say adorable because she is 15 lol. She seemed really cool and nice so hopefully I see her soon.

Also... I hate that this blog went from daily to almost daily (not that I really had much of a choice yesterday without my laptop though). I love blogging and talking to you guys. In fact if it wasn't for you guys then I would need to pay someone to help me with my problems.... and we all know the economy sucks!! Just kidding!!!! As much as I wish I had the time to log in and blog every night the reality is that I just can't. I'm not being lazy or procrastinating, I just never have any time to myself anymore. I'm not going to be breaking up with you guys anytime soon! I just want to take the paragraph to apologize if you came to my blog to get to know me and then there was nothing new. So I'm going to try and get my life better organized!! I'm going to reply to all the e-mails. Get on MSN more often and get back to your guy's comments faster/more often. =p Thats a promise! lol

Again. I haven't gotten to any e-mails yet. I'll get to them tomorrow after school. Right now im about to go pass out. =p bye guys!

Why There Wasn't A Sunday Survey...

on Monday, February 22, 2010
I can come and make a million excuses and tell you why but at the end of the day it wont matter. So here is the truth. My mom took my computer away. I got it back today. Luckily she didnt find anything of interest because I clear my computer after I blog. She is being a total fucking bitch. Story time....

My mom comes home and im watching TV. She starts yelling at me for idk what. She then starts yelling about how I haven't registered for classes for next year and that im a lazy bumb that does nothing. Then she CALLS my college because she doesn't believe me that registration for the next semester doesn't start till may. They tell her that and then she starts yelling at me saying I'm wasting my life and that I'm not doing anything at all. At this point I'm just like, she want to yell at me. She just wants to argue. So im like "ok. ok whatever." and then I got mad. She got to me. How the fuck am I not doing anything huh? You read my blog. You know that I have a bunch of shit going on. She just loved hating on me. She loves yelling at me and telling me how much I suck at life. Then she treats my brother like a fucking angel just to piss me off even more. WTF!?!

I'm just sick of her. Completely sick. I'm starting to hate my own mother. HATE. WTF IS HER FUCKING PROBLEM!! I dont give a shit anymore ok. I know that she is taking out all this anger on me. My uncle is dying of cancer. Her business isn't doing the best. My brother is sucking at school. I'm gay. I'm starting to grow up and she hates it. So then she takes all that anger and throws it at me. With her negative asshole comments and BS remarks about how I'm a horrible lazy son. Look. I know im not perfect and I know that I don't know everything but this much I know: I CANT TAKE HER BULLSHIT ANYMORE.

When I'm happy and successful with a husband that I love and I look back and talk about my childhood im going to talk about how much I hated my mother. Not that she was amazing and how much she supported me. I'm going to talk about how much I hated coming home and hearing her voice. How everyday was a different mood swing and I hated living in the same house with her.

Is that what she wants? Really?? I try so fucking hard. SO FUCKING HARD. I come to her and make sure she is ok. I come to her room and say I love you, good night. I make sure to tell her bye every time I walk out the door. I say I love you before I hang up the phone. Still no fucking mother son relationship. Ok. I dont go and do drugs and act like a douche like some kids do because they want attention. I go up and ask for it. So thats it. I'm unwanted then fine. I'll give up.

I have to go. I have some shit I have to deal with. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. Lots to say.

Did that all really just happen??

on Saturday, February 20, 2010
Ready for part 2 of the longest two days of my life?? lol

Yesterday I woke up at 6am and started getting ready. I got all the food and all of the things we needed. Then around 8am I headed to my friends house to pick her up and to get the sleds and stuff. After that we dropped off her laundry because her mom used that as an excuse to let her go. After that we headed to get my third friend who I was driving and then we started out trip. We headed up to Mount Charleston. If you guys remember we were going to go up to the mountain during Senior Ditch day as the tradition held but we got stopped but the stupid district volunteers and after hours of just standing in the cold got sent home. So this was like our redemption or something. We finally made it! lol We meet up with my other two friends that drove up in their own car and started the day off sledding. Then we got the food out and ate and hung out. After that we went down to the lodge and hung out for a while. We were all soooo tired. It was crazy. It was only 12pm and we felt like we had been there for a whole 8hrs. We drove home and went to a friends house and crashed there for a couple hours and slept a bit.

Then I had to go to pick my brother up from the movie theater and take him home. I picked up some food and headed to the Black History Club because I was working the sound. It was hell and a total joke. We had no idea what was going on because the teacher was so disorganized. So once the show started we started figuring things out. The hole thing was like one big church. People were praying and praising god and bull shit. WTF? Listen im not against religion but this is a school event. An event for BLACK HISTORY. Not Jesus night. The actual kids in the club felt the same way. The person in charge invited churches and ministers and priests and stuff and they had no idea. It was just one big mess and I felt like I signed up for something I really should not have signed up for.

After that we all went to the park and hung out and then we hung out some more at my house. Big mistake because I found out that I had to drive all 6 people home. It would have been fine if they all lived so far apart from each other and from where I lived. After an HOUR of driving I finally got home. I was sooo tired. My body was giving out on me. The only reason I was still awake was because I had a energy drink and coffee and food in my system. I came home and CRASHED.

So thats why I didnt write up a post yesterday but i promise that a Survey Sunday will be posted tomorrow to make up for it ;) lol I was also going to go film a video for tomorrow but I'm so tired I dont want to go out lol

What An Amazing Life!! =p

on Thursday, February 18, 2010
I'm coming to my senses again. I'm in a great mood. Life is moving is such a positive directions for me and im so thankful for that. Today was on of the best days I have had in a very long time. Not to say that I didnt have my fare share of stress and hell. Let me explain lol

So today my parents left to go out of town. So I decided to sleep in and miss a class. That hour passed and then I missed another. Oops lol. No big deal. So I went to school and only had 2 classes left. Not to mention I showed up during lunch so that was pretty cool. I dressed really nice today. Not that I usually don't. Just that today for some reason I felt good about the way I looked. It was nice. Anyways... I went to government after lunch. Then I had my last class which was my tech theater class. After all that we had a thespian (international society of theater people lol) meeting. I am on the council as publicist so I was on stage feeling all important (but not with an ego or anything like feeling more important then anyone else there!). Then we did voting for nominations for prom king and queen. Guess who got nominated?????? ME!! I had the most people vote for me! Woo. I know im not going to win or anything. It will go to some popular kid thats on student council. My graduating class has over 700 kids in it. Maybe 400 of them I have no real friendship with. Its just not possible to be able to know all those kids lol. The popular kids are known by everyone. They dont need to know all the 700 because the 700 know them. Idk. I guess I might have a chance. We will see...

After that I went and hung out with Lesbian and her younger gay brother. We went to best buy then target. We went to a car wash place where you can wash your own car for like a couple quarters and then we headed to get some Chipotle. Oh how I love Chipotle. Best (kind of) mexican fast food ever! lol

Then I had to go to school for a rehearsal for the Black History Show at out school. OMG what a mess. I'm an organized person. I like list and charts and outlines. I hate mess and nothingness. It frustrated me so much. This was exactly that. No one knew what was going on. The tech's where trying to figure out what the people wanted. 80% of the acts that were going to be in the show (which is tomorrow) were not there. There was no script of who goes when and what they are doing. We only have 3 of the tracks for the show. We are going to get the rest "as soon as they walk in the door tomorrow." We had no idea what was going on. So I took charge. I went downstairs (we were in the light/sound booth) and talked to all the people in charge. I told them what we needed and what we needed to get done. The stage manager was freaking out. So yes, I did her job for her. It was not out of disrespect or anything, she really did need my help. Anyway. I got it all, barley, figured out and then headed to give everyone a little pep talk to make sure they were all calm and not to stress out even more then they already were. I walked them threw the whole situation and we got threw it. With positivity! =p

THEN (yes my day is not over!) I went and picked up lesbian and we went grocery shopping for stuff for our trip tomorrow. We headed to my house and we started making a bunch of food for tomorrow! I'll tell you all more about that tomorrow because A) i dont want to be stalked and B) I have covered so much already lol. After we finised cooking and all we sat down and watched on of my all time favorite movies EVER Pineapple Express. =p

Overall an amazing day. I should most likely be asleep right now. I have to get up really early and get ready for my LONG day tomorrow. lol I love not having my parents home. I have a little more freedom and a little less annoying scolding of "where are you going!" and "why are you always out and never home" lol. Alright talk to you guys tomorrow!! I'll take some pic's for you guys tomorrow as well and post them.... No not those kind of pics pervert! ;) lol byeee!

Random Act's Of Kindness Week.

on Wednesday, February 17, 2010
This month has a very special week in it. No, im not talking about my birthday! Im talking about RAK (Random Act's Of Kindness). If you didnt know about it well its all good. It started on the 15th and it goes till the 21st of February. I have been doing little ones for the past couple days but tomorrow im going to go to random people during school and give them a compliment, draw pictures for my teachers, and write letters to people that inspire me in life. I'm going to document most, if not all, of it and post it online on my personal youtube. I hate being like "no! you can't see it!" but its protecting my identity so sorry guys you really dont get to see it. =[

I have realized that I have not been posting as often (daily) as i once was. So I'm going to try my hardest to do that from now on. It's just that life has been keeping me so fucking busy! This youtube thing is so much fun and im dedicating a lot of the time I once put on blogger on there. Then on top of that I have been working on websites for cash. Also on top of that there is the whole school thing I'm still in lol

My birthday is officially 10 days away! I'm excited for it but not as much as I thought I would be. I'll be 18. Legal. Of age. I can do more things. Buy more things. Fuck more things. Watch more things. Win more things. Loose more things. It's crazy. I'm not a kid anymore. I think that finally hit me. I'm not a kid. Now having sex with a minor is wrong. Now I can buy a pipe on my own (without a fake ID). Not that I need one lol. Just saying. It's a big deal to me. lol

My parents are going out of town tomorrow morning and coming back friday afternoon. I would totally have a party but my little brother is staying home and so is the live in. She is the person that takes care of us and the house. Kind of like a nanny but more for cleaning and she is like a sister to us. She lives with us and has her own room. She eats dinner with us and watched movies with us. She is just an extension to our family. Except she cleans the house and gets paid for it. lol

My mom is back to her bitchy self. I swear she is bipolar. I'm not being mean. I really think she is. It would explain so much. One min she is nice and loving and the next a total bitch. I can't stand it. She has way to many problems in life.

Alright well I'll talk to you guys TOMORROW (promise! lol). bye =p

Parents Making Gay Jokes. Trespassing Bullshit.

on Monday, February 15, 2010
My mom keeps making gay jokes. I dont know if I should be happy or sad about that. I guess in some ways it a good thing because it means they are getting more comfortable with the whole thing. On the other side I can't tell if its a form of attack. I'm not sure. Whatever it is its a step and thats always a good thing. Looking at it in a positive way here... (POSITIVITY tattoo! haha).

Well yah. I'm currently exporting one of the many video's im working on for youtube. It was a hard video to film. Got in trouble making it on the way. Did you guys know that the side walk is owned by the hotels? Yah and I need a fucking permit to film on the sidewalk. How stupid? Its not like im profiting from it. Whatever. They sent me off with a warning and they said the next time they will charge me with "trespassing." BULLSHIT!

I still don't know what I'm doing for my birthday. Its in less then two weeks. I've decided im going to smoke weed one more time before im 18. Just to get it out of my system. I miss it. Music is starting to suck. I'm listing to the radio on my laptop right now. These songs are REALLY BAD! Who the fuck decides to play this shit. Its horrible. Alright guys. Need to right a script for another video I need to film/edit and upload by tomorrow 7pm. byee!!

Going To Fuck Him...

on Saturday, February 13, 2010
Zac Efron is so fucking gorgeous! I saw a picture of him and he looks so fucking hot. To bad he is straight... I swear one day im going to fuck that boy.

Anyways... I went over to a friends house today and we watched a movie and sat by the fire and had a good time. I love the lazy days like that. Where you can sit back and chill with friends and just have a fun time. My two friends have been going out for 2-3 years now. Its crazy how in love they are. Kinda shows me that its worth all the BS you go threw to find the one.

Lots of video's going on in the next couple days. Filming tomorrow and Monday. I need to get money so I can buy myself better lighting and a green screen. I'm actually filming two different video's so we will see how that goes. I also want to get another memory card because mine only holds 30min of footage. Yah... Exactly lol

I still need to work on the short film. I'm re-writing a couple scenes and redoing the shots I want/need to get. Its going to be fucking epic this time lol

My 18th birthday is coming up and idk what I want to do. I was going to go see Thunder Down Under but that would be hard to explain to my parents. I just dont want to be like "I'm going to go to see a bunch of nude guys dance on stage!" lol Its awkward. My mom offered me $400 to go shopping with and I said no. She then was like how about an alarm clock. I said no. I don't want her to just spend money like that for no reason. I rather just her save it up for something that will mean something to me. Idk...

Lots Of Gayness...

on Thursday, February 11, 2010
Had a crazy busy day. Hung out with my gay peeps. Lots of gayness occurred today. Let me explain:

Well. I went to school today and it was a good day. Our school is doing the fundraiser for Haiti where teachers and administrators will get pied by students for $3. It was a good cause and the teachers were really good sports about it. We even had our principle out there getting pied. Amazing what people will do for charity!

Then I invited myself to go with Lesbian and her gay brother. I asked him if he identifies as gay or bi because I wanted to hear if he was comfortable enough to say it. He didnt really answer. He said something along the lines: "well I would fuck a girl." then I asked if he has. He said he had but I called BS and said it out load. How did I know? I just did. It was fake. You could hear it in his voice and the way he responded. So the kid is still a tad confused. Its ok. He is turning 16. I guess he has time to figure it out...

Also the kid on the real world. The "bi not gay" one. Yah. He is pretty gay. I know bi kids. I know kids that will look at women the way I look at men and then look at the same man im looking at and have a competition on who can get him first. This kid just likes the attention. Women LOVE giving out attention. Guy's, especially gay insecure ones, love that attention. I know. I have seen it first hand...

Also I was watching Oprah today and there was a transgender on and her story was amazing. She was the high school star. She was a he. Know a women. Really nice message and genuine in how hard it was for her to transition. I got me thinking about how I want to talk to teens about coming out.

Anyways... we have a long weekend coming up. I have a lot to do so its going to be a pretty busy one... Also im still trying to decide on what to do on my birthday. Thunder Down Under? Or just a party? Or maybe go too Lion King with the family. Thats the good part of living in vegas. Lots to do when you 18+ haha.

Dating a trannie =p

on Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I feel like I have been so busy and that this blog has taken a back seat. Sorry if it feels that way to you guys. So lets get right into this:

I have been crazy busy. Been working my ass off with all this video stuff. Im downloading Final Cut Express right now off a torrent. Yah, I know, I hate myself too. I just cant afford it. Im getting paid by the end of the month so im hopefully going to be able to actually buy the software soon. I hate it when I get software online from companies I like. Like Apple. If it was adobe I wouldnt give 2 shits haha.

So yah. I've been listing to RENT all day. I'm kinda addicted to Light My Candle. Also for some odd reason I really want to date a trannie haha jk.

Anyways... how is everyone? I've been pretty good lately. Life seems to be moving in a positive direction. Which is always good. I'm thinking about doing a coming out video on youtube. I might just wait till next years coming out day. We will see. I have a while for that...

K. Going to go back to working on HW and the website. Fun stuff...

When You Compare. There Is No Comparison.

on Monday, February 8, 2010
I have been video chatting with a couple guys on skype lately. I dont know if you guys remember but I have this thing where I dont want to hookup with guys until I find someone that I really do like. I dont mind doing the whole cam thing though. I meet one kid that was really hot. Anyway. I dont want to get into details cause I think thats a little personal ;)

Anyways. I shot a video for youtube today. It is really bad but my camera's battery died and its only a short introduction video so hey. I hope people like me =p I'm filming this big video this weekend. Also I'm working on a new website for a client. It's a jeweler so she wants her main site and then a shop site. Im going to charge her $300 for the site and then $400 for the shop. I think its a really good price. Usually people pay 1,500+ for a simple static site. The one she wants is pretty intense with flash and lots of pics and options. Oh and lots of jQuary cause of all the animations/transitions she wants. Oh and on top of all of that I have to work on the short film.

I really want to see Valentines Day. It seems like a cute movie. Maybe I'll ask someone to go with me. I have someone in mind but I'll let you know if it ends up happening. I have a lot of things going on as you can tell. So a date or even just a night out with friends would be nice. =p

Short Film Is...

on Sunday, February 7, 2010
GOING TO STATE! =p woo! It didn't showcase and it didnt get the highest possible mention but hey. I'm going to state. One of the judges came up to me after awards and talked to me about what I need to change/fix. It was really nice of him. So now I have to work on the film before state. Which is next month. Going to be crazy but im going to do it! =p

Anyways. I'm officially on a colab channel on youtube. I would tell you which one but I use my real name there and dont want to give that away. I'm excited for that! Making new friends around the world is always fun. The guys on the colab (and girl) are pretty nice and they seem friendly. We all talked last night on skype.

Anyways. I wasn't planning on a Survey Sunday because of the Super Bowl but if you guys still want to do one... Who is the hottest/sexiest football player?? (they dont have to be playing today).

Exactly 20 days till my birthday. =p Just saying...

525,600 min...

on Friday, February 5, 2010
Im in a horrible mood though... Its just been one of those days. Im tired and I'm still sick. I have been sick for the longest time now. Like two weeks. This is getting on my last nerve. I could sleep for days...

Tomorrow is my competition. Hope I do well... We will see. I'll let you know. The reason this is so short is because I'm going to see Rent again. Also I just dont seem to be in a very happy mood and I dont like to share with you guys. I'm at a point where I just want to be alone for a bit. I was out with friends all day (after school) and just got home. It's also a really ugly day outside...

Just got back from seeing Rent again... I opened the computer and noticed I didnt post this. Oops. Angel (the cross dresser) was so good. Im fascinated at how well he played the role. Im super tired. My friends had car trouble on the way home so im waiting to get the call that they are home and safe. Im a good friend. =p

So yah. Tomorrow is the film. Burning the (hopefully) final draft on a DVD. I'm pretty happy with it. The only thing is that the color's are a bit dark on the DVD and not on the computer. Im going to burn another one with a lighter tone and see which one plays better. Hopefully the quality doesn't get messed up in the process.

Quick Post About My GAY DAY!

on Wednesday, February 3, 2010
School was boring as always. I had to write this sonnet and me being the lazy kid that I am (im not really that lazy) didnt write it until the last min. So it sucked. No big deal really. We got credit for reading it out load not how good it was.

After school I headed to the Planet Hollywood with my friends. It was Lesbian, our friend, and her little gay brother. So there were 3 gays out of four. =p Now only if that was the ratio in my high school! lol

I got a really cute outfit from H&M. Its simple and not too flashy. I think I look hot in it. =p I also got this really cute case for my iPhone. It has a peace sign on the back and as the "home" button on the front. =p

I'm so tired. I have way to much hw to do and I didnt even get started. Its 11pm here so I have to go. Yah. I know. Pretty lame post. Its whatever. Im sure tomorrow I'll write one about a really hot gay guy that im going to meet (i can dream right?). No but really... im going to a theatre thing so there will be a bunch of hot gay guys. =p I'll let you know how it goes.

My Tattoo and BEING GAY IS NOT WRONG!! (updated post)

on Tuesday, February 2, 2010

So I want a tattoo. Something that means something to me. Its going to say positivity and I want it on my right hand wrist (palm facing up). Can't visualize it? Oh, thats ok. I photoshoped a picture of what it would look like. Haha I actually uploaded the picture to my facebook and all my friends believed it was real. What can I say? Im pretty good at photoshop. =p Here is the pic:

So my parents wont let me get it. The plan was to get it on my 18th birthday at the end of the month. The only problem is because of all my extra curricular activities and the short film and a bunch of other things that I have been working on I haven't had time to get a job and earn my own money. So there thing is that they dont want me to have one so they are not paying for it. They know I dont have money so that means I wont be able to get it. Parents... So now I need to come up with $80. I have no idea how im going to do just that. =[

I also got a haircut and my brows done today. Looking pretty hot if I say so myself. Going to go shopping tomorrow after school to get the "you picked the wrong boy" outfit for the film competition this weekend where Jake (the asshole that told me he liked me and then a week later had a boyfriend that wasn't me) will be at. Other then seeing him I'm pretty excited! I have shown the film to around 30 people and so far I have gotten great reviews. A lot are saying its too short and that means its good because that means they got into it and it didnt bore them to death. It is only a 5 min film but it took me over 3 months to Write, Produce, Direct, & Edit. So thats all good. =p

Also thanks to everyone that e-mailed me today. It was a great distraction during my boring government class. All we did was watch the state of the union address. I had already seen it so I was pretty bored. =p

UPDATED: I felt the urge to write more. I just read a stupid article on some church website. I closed the page so I dont have the link. It was a question from a mother asking "is my teen son gay" she said she was worried he was because he liked arts more then sports and has no male friends. The person that replied said that people with homosexual tendencies usually have them because there father son relationship sucks and/or because of incest and molestation. WTF? The person then goes on to say that these "tendencies" can change. What bull shit.

If there is a kid out there reading my blog this is for you: You are more then perfect the way you are. If you think there is anything wrong with being gay then please please listen to this: Being gay is not wrong. It's normal and not something that you can choose or change. If you like boys then you like boys. Its not a big deal. Some people wont understand that and tell you its wrong. Well they are wrong. How would they know? Are they gay? No. You are! Do you feel like you are doing something wrong? No? Good. Cause you are not.

I really want to help. If you ever need anyone to talk to about anything. If you are having feelings you don't understand. If you feel like your all alone. If you need a friend. Im here for you. Please understand that. I really do care.

to give It up to the first guy, first try, first lie, first goodbye.

on Monday, February 1, 2010
That's from Never Shout Never's song called Fifteen. Its a cute song. I'll post a video for it below this post so you can take a listen! Also remember to keep voting on the Survey Sunday! I will tally up the votes and announce the winner next sunday!!!

So just so you guys know if you ever ever feel like you want to have a conversation with me go for it. I know sometimes I take a day or so to reply but I have set up my e-mail for this blog on my phone so know i will be able to reply SUPER FAST! haha So yah. The best way to talk to me is probably e-mail because I dont have that much time to log on to messenger. I want this blog to be a little more personal (if thats possible) lol. So how was everyones monday?? I kinda hate mondays just because we have to go to school. Im not going to complain about it though. Its life haha

I think I might have mentioned it before but Lesbians brother is gay. He is 15. I kind of really hurt him once a while ago. I didnt hit him or anything. I just kind of pointed out the fact that he was gay before he was out. AKA I outed him. I know it not an excuse but I was drunk. I was also outed at the very same moment and I guess me being 16 & a tad less mature was like "if im going down your coming with me!" It was stupid and I out of all people know how much I hurt the kid. I kind of think thats why he isnt 100% with saying "im gay" yet. He keeps going back and forth between gay and bi and saying he isnt and then saying he is. Its denial and its normal.

So I finally had the time to apologize where it was just me and him(keep in mind i usually only see him when I go over to Lesbians house and that involves being with her). He said he accepts it and I know it took a lot for him to say that because he isnt that type of person. The kid is really cool and I would definitely call him a friend. It hurt me more then anything to look back and see what I must have put him thew. He really didnt deserve that.

So im currently exporting the first final draft of Even Without You. As soon as thats done I will put it on a DVD and watch it with my parents downstairs on the HD big screen TV and see how it looks and sounds. I think the levels are a bit low. I was trying to make it quiet but I might have made it a tad too quiet. I'll let you know how it looks and sounds. Here is the song: