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Death.

on Saturday, May 15, 2010
My uncle has passed away from cancer. Dont ask me what kind because from what I know it spread everywhere and thats all that matters. He was young but I dont know the exact age. He was around his young 30's. He has two children. A daughter that is 10 (or 11) and a son that is 3. He also had a son die at birth that would be around the age of 5 at this time.

I have to tell you that im not one to cry and weep over the loss of people. I guess it has to do with the fact that I (emotionally) have became accustomed to seeing people leave me during my childhood. Its sad but whatever. It gave me a tough skin.

The timing was shit. Not that there could ever be good timing in this case. I will break it down for you.

-May 13th 10:45pm: I get home from a night out at a restaurant with a big group of friends. I sit with my mom and dad and have a talk about life, friends, and people in general. This goes on for a good two hours.

May 13th 1:00am: I head to bed and noticed my cell phone was dead. I use my cell phone's alarm feature to wake up and without it I would be late for school. So instead of waiting for it to turn on I just asked my mom to wake me up at 8 in the morning so I could go to school. Something I have never done. Ever.

-May 14th 1:30am: I watched some TV and my phone had time to charge and turn on. I take my phone out and check my apps. Horoscope, weather, and my email. Then turn on my alarm and head to sleep.

-May 14th 3:00am: My dad comes into my room and wakes me up. He tells me that he is packing and that he is leaving $100 on my desk for emergencies. It all seems rushed but at the same time I didnt feel in danger or worried for my parents safety and well being. I asked them what happened. Remember I was half asleep when I had been woken up. He told me my uncle died. At that time my mom came into my room and yelled at my dad for waking me up because I had school the next day and at that point they left and I feel asleep.

-May 14th 8:00am: My mom comes in and tells me to wake up. I tell her I dont want to go to school and im missing my first period so she goes to write me a note. She comes back with it and tells me she is leaving at 9am to go to the airport.

May 14th 9:00am: My uncle (from my dads side. irony?) comes to take my parents to the airport. I hug my mom, while she is in tears, then my dad. They head down stairs and as they leave I hear my mom: "Its no fair." It hit me hard.

May 14th 11am-1:12pm: I was at school. I actually skipped another class and came at lunch. It was an off day and I was keeping my self "ok" by being a total asshole. It was how I got my anger out. I bitched out a few freshman threw out the day. There was 10min where I happened to be alone and I started to loose it. I started balling but was forced to stop when I heard someone coming. Then I went home. I sat im my car in the driveway of my house for a good 10min just listing to the nature with the windows down. It felt good. I was a mess.

May 14th 5pm: I had to go to school for call time. It was closing night. I didnt want to go. It the last show I will ever tech/be in with all my friends. Ever. I went to the gas station and grabbed two energy drinks and chugged them on the way. I got there and we did "circle." It's where we all get in a circle (usually just actors but it was senior night so techs go as well) and we take turns talking. It gets really emotional. You know, because I didnt have enough to cry about already. It finally got to me and I had to make sure to use the right words or else I would loose it and not be able to stop. Everything I said was very basic. No details. Yet, somehow, my speech was more meaningful then anyone else's.

May 14th 6:15pm: The show opens in 15min and we just finished circle. Everyone was asking me if I was ok because they saw it in me. I was a wreck. It was hard but I convinced them to not worry about it and go on with the show. Like I said, If i would have started to cry I wouldnt have stopped for days.

May 14th: 8:45pm: By this time the show was over. My parents were on their final flight (to a place far away). I decided to go to the cast party even though I was still upset. From there on it doesnt matter.

May 15th is my fathers birthday. Happy birthday dad. See you in two weeks.

7 comments:

Brian said...

Sorry for your loss. It's really hard to lose a family member, especially one so young.

Phunk Factor said...

Sorry to hear about ur loss, man!!

Hope u and ur family manages to find a way to get around it and move on!

Take care!!!

tman said...

I'm so sorry kid... I sense the despair in your post and I wish that I could make you feel less pain, but, there is no way to make sense of this tragedy... Instead, I'll pray that you can move on, that the 2 little ones find love and peace in their lives, and that you have many loving memories of your uncle to help you cope with this terrible loss... luv, tman<3

CP said...

John, I am sorry for your loss. Both my own parents passed of cancer some years back and I still get a bit emotional about it when remembering them. At least this was your uncle who was not quite as close as a parent, but it still messes up the head.

tman is right, there is no logic or sense to tragedy - it just is. Moving forward, allowing yourself to grieve and to feel pissed off is normal and healthy. Get through it as easily as you can. Our prayers are with you and your extended family as you all cope with this.

wayner said...

So sorry, John, although it was not unexpected. Death is a relief after so much suffering; no one his age should have to die of cancer. But life is unfair. We must appreciate every day we have above ground and put things in perspective. You will come out of it ok and the joy of life will come back. We will all have our turn someday and that is why living life is so important. bfn - Wayne (hugs)

Wet Kyle said...

Sorry for your loss. Death is a part of life. But to die so young is tragic. Good for you to continue with the show. I'm sure sure uncle would have wanted you to.
Cheers.
K

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