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Well Your Warning Was Heard...

on Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I had the worst day of my life today. I've kept it together so far so lets see how I do talking about it...

My mom finally realized that I cant get into the college she wants me to (i need like a 3.2 and a 1800 on the SAT and i have a 2.7 and haven't taken the SAT yet). I guess me telling her it wasn't enough so she HAD to set up an appointment with my counselor and then it finally hit her. That isnt the bad part. I already had that realization before about a month ago (i think i posted a blog about that). So she broke down. That's enough to deal with right? Wrong.

I had rehearsal today and I wasn't very focused because the meeting was literally 10 min before. So we finished early and I had about 15 to go eat at home before my haircut. So I go home and get the silent treatment from my mother. Ok, fine I get it. Then I grab my key's and head out and then this happens:

Mother: "Can I ask you a question?"
Me: "yah..."
(not in a very loving or caring tone)
Mother: "Are you Gay?"
Me: "would it change anything?"
Mother: "I aksed a question, I deserve to know"
Me: "Yah so did I, would it change anything?"
Mother: " like what?"
Me: "anything..."
Mother: long pause... "I dont know"
Me: "i dont know either then."
(turn around and head out again. I get to the door and...)
Mother: "oh it doesnt work that way"
Me: "what does it matter to you??"
Mother: "It will make it easier to make my decision."
Me: "What decision?"
Mother: mocking me "i already know but it doesn't matter right?"

On the internet it doesnt sound bad but I promise you that in her voice I felt it. I saw the face and I heard the meaning behind every word. It was evil. It was out of hate. It was pure vicious. Then I felt it... the feeling that is worse then any other. Worse then physical pain or hate. Abandonment.

So there. It's all there. It's how my mom feel's about me being gay. I'm waiting for the letter telling me what I need to boot camp or something like that. Yes, she would do that.


Helga Vonlunch-Box said...

I don't see how any parent could
turn their back on a child because they
are gay...
I loved my child from the moment I found
out I was pregnant...I loved them yesterday
when I thought they were straight...I'd
love them even more today if they had the
courage to tell me they were gay...

My children are my gifts...I don't just love
them when it looks good for me...I love them
for being mine...For being who they are...

When a child comes out to a parent it's a BIG
scary step...For a parent to turn their back
on that child is cowardly...They shouldn't
be a parent...If that child only deserves to
be loved because they are straight then a
child with no arm, a cleft lip, missing
fingers or brown eyes shouldn't be loved
either...The way a child is born is the way
they are...LOVE your children...It helps them

Sorry...I didn't mean to go on and on...
It's just hard for me to think that all parents
aren't ment to be parents...

No matter what you are tops in my book and you
being you is just the way you should be :)



Mr. HCI said...

How horrible. I'm so sorry she's reacting this way.

*HUG* as many times as you need

goleftatthefork said...

that's really awful - please reach out by email if you need to vent ... I'm certain you can find your way through this and come out the other side stronger... and there's plenty of amazing schools that will have you with a 2.7!

Micky said...

I'll hold your hand.

Take no prisoners and give no quarter. My advice is to take a deep, cool breath, sit your mother down and tell her to her face so that you've done that.

Then take absolutely no more nasty stuff from her after that: simply say nothing and walk out of the room each time she starts - if she does.

The big hope has to be that once she's had the chance to sound off across the kitchen table, if you ask for her love she'll be a hard woman if she denies you.

Go on - give her that chance. You must or you'll regret this for ever.

David said...

Micky's given some very good advice here, hard though it'll be to follow. Put it all on the table and give her the chance, this once, to vent her feelings...don't get into an argument over it, though. After that, again as Micky says, simply walk away if it starts again.

And, please, if you need to vent or just need a shoulder to cry on (even if it's just a virtual shoulder) email one of us (yes, I'm volunteering as well).


HoneyAndDarling said...

I have tears reading this posts and wonder how my parents would behave. I may never have courage to tell them. Though my insistence on not getting married may give then clue

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