Also I need to finish this website and catalogue. It should have been done already and its not. I keep pushing the deadline back and back and now its thursday. I dont think Im going to finish it by thursday. Not with this whole graduation shit going on. Its $2,000 on the line. I need that money to sign up for classes.
Also my graduation orientation was today. It was more like "DONT DO THIS, THAT, AND DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT THINKING ABOUT DOING THIS!" yah. so ready to be done with school. it hit me when they said: "as soon as you walk out of the center and you pass the (school district) police on their bikes you can do ANYTHING you want. ANYTHING. Just know that right after you pass the (district cops) there are metro in their cars standing there." Yah. we are officially almost in the real world here. lol
Ok here is another piece I would like your help/advice with:
Me and two of my BEST friends are taking a road trip down to california for a week right after graduation (the day after lol). Anyway. We already have tickets to six flags and plans to go to venice beach and all that fun stuff. I lived there until 4th grade and I know that place like the back of my hand so its cool. I kind of wanted to surprise my friends with tickets to Universal Studios Hollywood. I was going to call their parents and make sure its cool that we stay an extra day and then surprise them the day they think we are going home. I love the place but its expensive to pay for me and all my friends. It's like $300. Thats not the point though. The thing is im afraid that the gift and the thought would backfire. I feel like im being to much of a good friend and that will make them invest less into the friendship. You get what im saying? Like if they get so much already why do they need to try? Also they might just take it for granted and not really see it as the kind of kind gesture of an AMAZING gift that it is. It would be a pretty cool graduation gift lol. I know that one of them, Taylor, would totally appreciate it the whole thing wouldn't backfire. Im not so sure about the other two.
So what do I do? Anyone?!?
10 comments:
Just a comment on friends - different people measure friendship in different ways, and in different degrees of commitment. You can't impose your standards upon them, anymore than they can upon you, John. At least, not without losing them as sincere friends (not just hangin' around you for goodies)
If you count the two people as friends, do what you plan to do as a nice gesture. Never do anything out of an intent to gain some leverage or curry some favoured opinion - that always backfires and whatever friendship existed quickly dies.
Be well and have fun in CA, John.
Good luck on your exams, especially English. I hope you can find the time and energy to get website done.
Your graduation gift to your friends sounds like a nice thing to do if you can afford it. I can't see how it would backfire.
I hope you have a great trip.
Work on that English, but remain calm and cool on exam day and do the exam logically starting with the questions you know you can do to warm up. Schedule time for study and the website catalogue.
-Last minute surprises might not go over well with your friends cos sometimes they have plans for the day they are supposed to get back. Let them know beforehand and say that it is your treat. Sharing good times together is the best investment in friendship. You deserve a nice vacation after exams and work. bfn - Wayne :)
See the thing is. I love my friends and im not trying to put them up to my standard or whatever. My only problem is that what if they just dont appreciate it. They could just be like: "oh yay john has money and he is spending it on me." not "omg john thats awesome i cant believe you did this for me." do you get what im saying?
it would backfire in that way.
It sounds like you are wanting to give the gift expecting gratitude in return, like you are making an investment for the purpose of getting a payback. I don't think you should do it that way. You should give the gift to your friends freely with no expectations of a return, no strings attached. Do it because you love them. Just giving the gift should make you happy. If you don't get the return you are hoping for, that's ok, you've still expressed your love. But they probably will appreciate it and that will make you even happier.
I'll echo what Brian wrote. Maybe think of it this way, John: who cares if they really feel a sense of true appreciation or just enjoy the treat of your money paying the bill. Giving without worrying about return is the easiest "nice" thing to do, and it creates its own warm fuzzies for the giver. Although recipients may never verbally tell you how much they enjoyed your gift, it will move them inside to consider their own attitudes, if you just do it without giving on any vibes of anxiety or concern.
Their attitude is THEIR PROBLEM! Your attitude is the only one you can really work on.
Brian and CP. you arent getting me 100%. its not that i want something out of it or im expecting a reaction. its that im scared that there might be one that is negative.
for example: my friend lives far away. so our mutual best friend let her stay at her house on weekends so she doesnt have to drive all the way there and back every day. Now its gotten to the point where she feels like she just gets that. she doesnt need to ask and when my friend doesnt want her over she gets offended and gets mad and they fight.
also like when you buy your friends money or you spot them cash when they need your help and then they keep asking for it and then it gets to the point where they just want your money and the whole "thoughtfulness" aspect just turns into a bank.
you get where im coming from now?
like before she had her car i would always drive her to the bus stop. It was all cool and i really didnt mind. In fact it was enjoyable when we got to talk on the way and stuff. I always made sure to ask her if she wanted a ride every day because that made me the person deciding if I was willing to take her or not. With this is a big present (especially to her because she doesnt have that much money at all) and im not sure how she will take it.
for all i know she can be like: "wtf? why are you spending money on me." and get offended about it all. Its just more likely that what i wrote about above is going to happen.
also. about the telling them. im going to ask their parents and tell them to be like "well maybe you should take an extra pair of clothes just in case." and im going to ask if they have anything planned the day after. so they can't be like "well i have shit to do so to bad!"
I think you are making it too complicated and worrying about it too much. Just let them know it's a one-time gift from their friend because you love them. You can't control how they think or react. Just feel good about it yourself.
John, I gotta agree with Brian, you are over-projecting a "what if" scenario. Just take it and go - give the gift, do the deed, and don't worry about it. Remember, this is YOUR life, and if you don't like how people respond to your generosity, you need to share that with them. That is what makes friends grow stronger together. If they cannot handle you sharing (if necessary) your feelings, they aren't really the best dudes to hang with seriously.
Final comment on this one - WORRY LESS, DO MORE, HAVE FUN WITH LIFE.
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