My future scares me...

Here is the thing. I have been set on going to Israel for school because A) it would be starting fresh and not a semester in. B) I would be 100% independent and far from home. C) I love it there. It's one of the funnest places to live and the people there are extremely friendly. D) I LOVE IT THERE!

Now that all my friends are off in their respected colleges and im hearing about how much fun and how they go about their classes and all that fun stuff... I'm kind of starting to think: "hey, john. that seems like something interesting. something that wouldn't be as difficult or as expensive as Israel." Here is the thing: moving to Israel is going to be hard. I need to put away at least 10k, before Aug, so that I can live comfortably for a year until i get settled and can find a job where I dont need any reading or writing skills (I can speak fluently but my writing is horrible and my reading is at a 4rd grade level). Also the school in Israel is HARD. Its a 3 year school and the workload is crazy. I would be taking 2-3 times more classes a year then I could be at a USA college. Plus the cost of just education (not living, JUST tuition) is $30,000 compared to my in state tuition which would be around $9,000. Also I could live in a dorm and be independent up north (reno) where I already know a few people and it wouldn't be as hard to fit in with my surroundings.

So is this just fear & nervousness or something I'm willing to do. Idk. All I know right now is I wouldnt mind staying in state up i reno. I would be far from home. I would be independent. I would be with old friends and making new ones easier.

So why not just rule out Israel? I feel like I've made so many moves and mistakes and whatever you want to call it just because I want to move to study in Israel. I have put so much into the thought and have told everyone im doing it and used it as an excuse for why im just taking community college until next year when I can move there and start fresh. I have BEGGED my parent for an opportunity just to show them I'm serious about this whole thing. I feel like I have to prove to them that I can do it now. Like it's just a little to late to step back and be like: "you know... maybe this isnt such a good idea."

On the other hand. Maybe right now, today, the minute I'm writing this post, I'm just a little scared. Maybe I'm just feeling that feeling a bride gets before she walks down the aisle because now its getting real. I'm growing up and its starting to scare me but thats ok. Now I just need to be mature about it and not let it stop me from making the right decision about my future.

Fun fact. When I turned 18(literally 2 days after) my view count started to go down from 30,000 views average a day to 600 average a day. haha I'm older, wiser, and less entertaining. lol