to give It up to the first guy, first try, first lie, first goodbye.

on Monday, February 1, 2010
That's from Never Shout Never's song called Fifteen. Its a cute song. I'll post a video for it below this post so you can take a listen! Also remember to keep voting on the Survey Sunday! I will tally up the votes and announce the winner next sunday!!!

So just so you guys know if you ever ever feel like you want to have a conversation with me go for it. I know sometimes I take a day or so to reply but I have set up my e-mail for this blog on my phone so know i will be able to reply SUPER FAST! haha So yah. The best way to talk to me is probably e-mail because I dont have that much time to log on to messenger. I want this blog to be a little more personal (if thats possible) lol. So how was everyones monday?? I kinda hate mondays just because we have to go to school. Im not going to complain about it though. Its life haha

I think I might have mentioned it before but Lesbians brother is gay. He is 15. I kind of really hurt him once a while ago. I didnt hit him or anything. I just kind of pointed out the fact that he was gay before he was out. AKA I outed him. I know it not an excuse but I was drunk. I was also outed at the very same moment and I guess me being 16 & a tad less mature was like "if im going down your coming with me!" It was stupid and I out of all people know how much I hurt the kid. I kind of think thats why he isnt 100% with saying "im gay" yet. He keeps going back and forth between gay and bi and saying he isnt and then saying he is. Its denial and its normal.

So I finally had the time to apologize where it was just me and him(keep in mind i usually only see him when I go over to Lesbians house and that involves being with her). He said he accepts it and I know it took a lot for him to say that because he isnt that type of person. The kid is really cool and I would definitely call him a friend. It hurt me more then anything to look back and see what I must have put him thew. He really didnt deserve that.

So im currently exporting the first final draft of Even Without You. As soon as thats done I will put it on a DVD and watch it with my parents downstairs on the HD big screen TV and see how it looks and sounds. I think the levels are a bit low. I was trying to make it quiet but I might have made it a tad too quiet. I'll let you know how it looks and sounds. Here is the song:


Octavius said...

People do strange things when they are drunk mate, I well know that. But in the end, at least you were man enough to apologise, that tool a lot of courage all on it's own.


Anonymous said...

Saying that you are sorry and humbling yourself to someone younger than you takes a very big man - seems like your feet fit those shoes well.

wayner said...

If you're 17, and he's 15, you can legally go for him if you want. What are you waiting for? Your youth goes by more quickly than you think; don't pass up those sweet oportunities to teach him how great an affectionate sexual relationship can be. Pass this up and you will look back with regret some day. -Wayne

Anonymous said...

Wayner, you're correct about the age thing being legal, but John is 18 in a month or less and that would seriously screw him up. Besides, what kind of a lesson would that be teaching the 15 year old about commitment and affections....that get started and then ripped apart weeks later.

I think we get that you are speaking from your past life experiences, but each generation has a different take on stuff; and John needs someone to encourage him to rise up through his present struggles -- not get bogged down in a relationship that cannot hope to last.

For myself as a guy older than teens, I want to encourage positive and forward-moving lifestyle, not regression to sex just because you can fuck a boy who happens to be handy. Way too much indiscriminate sex happening out there that only cheapens a guy.

just sayin

John Doe said...

@Octavius: yah. im glad i apologized. =p

@ceepeeca: you know me so well haha

@wayner: to tell you the truth im legally not aloud to have sex with another man till im 18. I can get life in prison. Stupid law right? yah. i have definitely broken that once or twice (or more...) haha. I have scared him once. Why do it once more lol. Thats the way im looking at it. He is a good looking kid. From what I know he has been with a gur or two so he doesnt need me.

wayner said...

Are you living in the dark ages somewhere? In most civilized countries you can definitely have sex under the age of 18 as long as your partner is within 2 yrs. I suggest you google the sex offence laws in your state/country and clarify this. Here in Canada, they recently raised the age of consent to 16. If you have sex with a person between 14 and 16, you must be within 5 yrs of that person. If the partner is between 12 and 14, you must be within 2 yrs of that person. Basically, if you are over the age of 20, its sex offender registry city. But most countries do not totally ban sex under the age of 18 so check the laws for your own protection. And you can have a nice jerk-off or cock-sucking session with a younger guy without the commitment bullshit; friends with benefits! A 15 yr old is no dummy!

The music thing; I just downloaded some Kevin Rudolph songs on my Ipod touch and that one by K'naan wavin the flag; great songs. But the other day in the Superstore, I spotted something on the cd ten dollar rack; holy fuck! Black Sabbath vol 4! I've been looking for this one for ages; Ozzy at his fuckin best! Man, if you are in a dark mood and really crapped out, smoke a joint, put the headphones on and crank it up. The first four Sabbath albums are not available on Itunes due to infighting among ex band members so I snapped it up fast. Talk about getting your moneys worth! Starts off Ozzy saying 'long ago I was wandering thru my mind, in the land of fairytales and stories' Tony Iomi's riff at once harmonious and heavy; he strung his guitar with banjo strings for that heavy sound. 'supernaut' is the best metal song of all time and then after being wrung out after that one you get 'snowblind'(an ode to cocaine) and it keeps on going getting off on tangents but coming back to a theme. Awesome. Always save it for my pissed off moods. Saw Ozzy on cnn the other day and he is still doing ok. Anyhow, I better shut up before you run out of server space! I'll be back.

Anonymous said...

Wayner, I too live in Canada, and the number of prosecutions of 18 yr old's fucking 15 yr olds (and similar age issues) is getting worse, weekly. Most of these charges end up as young offender adjudications, so no press info is released. Try not over-reacting, and see this from the emotional and psychological POV, not just as friends with benefits. Most 15 yr olds are not emotionally equipped to deal with relationships. Exceptions exist, sure, but the point is to allow people to move in the direction they choose, rather than urging them to jump into bed (or wherever) in order to shoot maximum loads before some magic year that cuteness is no longer apparent.

Part of what I do for a living is counseling young men on behalf of the court system - and I see more and more boys fucked up due to emotionally misguided attachments than due to anything else.

John Doe said...

@wayner: in nevada gay people cant have sex until they are 18. its a law and the punishment is life in prison. I wrote a post about this before. There is a link to the law there if you wish to track it down. (if the link isnt in the post then its in a comment of a previous post.)

wayner said...

@ceepeeca; Prosecuting people for consensual sex is an abomination of the modern age. I agree that sex should be age-appropriate, and I consider 5 years to reasonable. If you are involved in the court system, you should know up until 2009, the age of consent was 14 in Canada; who can have legal sex with anyone over 14. Last year, it was changed to 16; anyone over the age of 16 (not in a position of authority) can have legal consensual sex with a 16yr old. An 18 yr old could always and still can have consensual sex with a 15 yr old (in Canada within the 5yr timeframe) and this is perfectly reasonable. If an 18 yr old is being prosecuted for sex with a 15yr old then it is a case of rape accusation not consensual sex and of course the young guy is traumatized. A male raping another male is very rare. Almost all cases of underage sex are consensual but is legally called sexual assault (statuatory rape in the States) and the media always calls it sexual assault; so the public thinks these are all cases of rape, which is not the case. The problem in Canada is Section 274 which states that NO PROOF is required for a conviction for ALL sex offences. If you don't believe me look it up. 5000 to 6000 men are railroaded thru the court system each year in Canada for sex offences, most of them innocent I believe. (it was 500 a year before Sect 274) Most of these boys are fucked up because of the anti-homosexual bias of court psychologists and legal system, not because of consensual sex with an older person. Homosexual sex is normal and rampant among 10 to 18yr olds; it is laws against consensual sex which cause all the damage! A young person has wonderful affectionate sex with an older person, is caught, and then is told he/she did something horrible and dirty and is dragged through the court system, and you wonder why they are confused and fucked up! Gimme a break! Also, young people today are not the 'innocent angels' the media loves to portray in these cases; kids as young as 10 are very knowledgeable about sex; hardcore porn is just a few clicks away on any computer. Young people today are increasingly isolated in modern society; with 'structured' activities and no freedom; and you wonder why they are fucked up? Ok, I gotta stop before I lose it! The hypocracy of society is stunning. Sorry, John for my rant.

Anonymous said...

Wayner, I know the legal statutes. Don't agree with Section 274, but with the present government that will never be changed. We gotta go with what we have, as hateful and destructive as it is. All that any of us can do is try to pick up the pieces and repair some broken guys. Sometimes we're lucky.

But my personal experiences are that boys aged around puberty THINK they know but don't really know what they need to about sex, relations and even dealing with a boyfriend. I see too many young kids who feel they must experiment and try everything before they hit age 18......and that just isn't so. Guys need time to mature at whatever schedule they personally fit into. The last thing we should do is hold up a big neon sign that says "fuck 'em now while you're hot!".

Anyway, I won't comment further on this topic, it's hijacking John's blog.

wayner said...

I checked some web pages for age of consent in Nevada and it appears very murky and contradictory; but basically don't get caught until you are 18; but I don't think you'd get life in prison for consensual sex! lol Lots of young boys have homosexual sex with each other, and I can't imagine anyone being prosecuted for it; God, what a medieval state! There are modern day sex witch-hunts going on so be very careful! (I can't believe we are re-living Salem in 2010!)

John Doe said...

@ceepeeca im totally cool with people having conversations threw comments! =p

John Doe said...

@wayner: im had sex. so i have broken the law. the point is the kid is 15. He isnt emotionally mature enough to have sex. With me or anyone esle. He just isnt. From what I know he is having it already and good for him. I think he is to young to understand who he is before he goes around having sex with people.

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