My mom comes home and im watching TV. She starts yelling at me for idk what. She then starts yelling about how I haven't registered for classes for next year and that im a lazy bumb that does nothing. Then she CALLS my college because she doesn't believe me that registration for the next semester doesn't start till may. They tell her that and then she starts yelling at me saying I'm wasting my life and that I'm not doing anything at all. At this point I'm just like, she want to yell at me. She just wants to argue. So im like "ok. ok whatever." and then I got mad. She got to me. How the fuck am I not doing anything huh? You read my blog. You know that I have a bunch of shit going on. She just loved hating on me. She loves yelling at me and telling me how much I suck at life. Then she treats my brother like a fucking angel just to piss me off even more. WTF!?!
I'm just sick of her. Completely sick. I'm starting to hate my own mother. HATE. WTF IS HER FUCKING PROBLEM!! I dont give a shit anymore ok. I know that she is taking out all this anger on me. My uncle is dying of cancer. Her business isn't doing the best. My brother is sucking at school. I'm gay. I'm starting to grow up and she hates it. So then she takes all that anger and throws it at me. With her negative asshole comments and BS remarks about how I'm a horrible lazy son. Look. I know im not perfect and I know that I don't know everything but this much I know: I CANT TAKE HER BULLSHIT ANYMORE.
When I'm happy and successful with a husband that I love and I look back and talk about my childhood im going to talk about how much I hated my mother. Not that she was amazing and how much she supported me. I'm going to talk about how much I hated coming home and hearing her voice. How everyday was a different mood swing and I hated living in the same house with her.
Is that what she wants? Really?? I try so fucking hard. SO FUCKING HARD. I come to her and make sure she is ok. I come to her room and say I love you, good night. I make sure to tell her bye every time I walk out the door. I say I love you before I hang up the phone. Still no fucking mother son relationship. Ok. I dont go and do drugs and act like a douche like some kids do because they want attention. I go up and ask for it. So thats it. I'm unwanted then fine. I'll give up.
I have to go. I have some shit I have to deal with. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. Lots to say.
9 comments:
Don't you just hate it when you come home and you feel like you are walking on eggs all the time. I think I told you I had to move back to my parents house to help them in their old age; well, my mother is just as psycho as yours! No problem with my father, but my mother is just as moody and touchy as ever. The best you can do is try to sense and anticipate her moods and use a little psychology to handle them. Don't be sucked into an argument (usually over something stupid) and for fuck's sakes don't be seen laying on the couch relaxing after she comes home tired and pissed off after a days work; you're an easy target. If you know she is coming home, let her see you doing your homework (you have to do it anyway); how can she bitch at you then? Remember, your long-term goals are to complete your education in a field of work which will earn you a decent income so you can gain your financial independence and freedom. You must get along with your parents to achieve this. And keep telling her you love her like you do; the moral high ground is yours. Your job is to get your ass through school and you are doing just that, so putting so much heat on you is unfair; I dunno, maybe talking to your dad might help? Most of all it hurts when you are made to feel like 'being gay' is some kind of failure. It certainly is not!! I see your zest and enthusiasm for video and the arts and your friends; and your interests in your profile can lead you to some well paying jobs. Try a different approach in handling your mother and maybe she will come around. - Wayne
I agree with Wayner and want to add one item. Much of what you are experiencing from your mom is coming out of her fear that she will be alone and have no one to care for her and no one's life to run. Yeah, fear. That can make parents do the craziest and most irrational things. SO add that to her mood swings (which may or may not have a medical reason for them), and you have a powder keg just waiting to be ignited.
Play smart, don't be the match that ignites shit. As crummy as it may be, watch for the buildup of tension and anger and disappear, or defuse it by speaking very softly and asking your mom what she wants you to do (about whatever the issue is).
That sucks, dude. I hope things get better at home. It can be really tough with a difficult mother. Are there any other family members you can rely on?
As for having to clear history, you can try what I do: Use Google Chrome as a browser (instead of Internet Explorer or Firefox). Chrome has Incognito Browsing, which allows you to browse without saving history. It also allows you to have an incognito window and normal window open at the same time (Firefox does not allow this).
keyboard shortcut for incognito: ctrl + shift + n.
Take Care,
Jason
Aww.. Sorry man!
Hang in there and follow the advices of Wayne and CP when facing your mother...
Take care man!
Hugs...
Hey man - sounds like things really suck at the moment. I also have to agree with CP as I think your mom's just taking out her frustration almost hoping you'll fight back so then she can have a real shitfight. Def not easy to deal with and you shouldn't have to anyway. Sometimes parents are real assles
Sorry. El.
Geez, John, too bad you and Sam couldn't get together (he's such a nice guy!), but I think he is on the other side of the world somewhere! That's always the luck, isn't it? :) -Wayne
@Jason - Chrome is nice, but has a couple of small security issues that Firefox seems to have conquered. I guess it's like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.
Have you checked out C Cleaner? Good clean out pgm and privacy protector, gets all the hidden temp stuff. Free, which is the main thing, as well as a safe one to use.
Thanks Wayne!
Johnny, I really wish we could get together or so...
I am going to the States for college (hopefully) in September so I'll let you know where I end up lol
Hope things are going better!
Tight Hug!
Sam
Hey John, Hopefully you can access these comments from your iPhone, if you don't have your laptop available. Just know that we care dude, and we are here for you.
Let me echo Sam's words - TIGHT HUG!
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