Vacations Much?!? (just a big rant)

on Thursday, November 19, 2009
Let me tell you about my daily routine. I wake up at around 7am and take i brush my teeth, shower, get dressed and all that fun stuff. The I go to school. My first class of the day starts at 7:56am. School goes by and ends at 1:16pm. Then I have rehearsal until 3:30-4ish. So I get home and pass out. I just fall asleep for a good couple hours. Just because my body cant handle it. I wake up and get onto blogger and read and post blogs. Then I go and do homework.

That is how my days have been for the past couple weeks and its driving me insane. I feel like im 80 years old and life is just boring and dull. Im over it. I need something new. Weed is what kept me busy. It was a thrill. Finding and saving money. Calling up a few people and see if they are on deck. Planning a place and then buying it. Finding a place to smoke it. Hiding and getting blazed as fuck. Coming home and eating all of the left over dinner while watching tv, talking on the phone, and doing homework. That is what kept me entertained last year. Its how I got threw it. With all the stress that im going threw my mind is playing tricks on me. It wants what it cant have.

I needed to get that out. It was stuck in my head and if I didnt tell anyone I would go crazy. Now please comment and tell me: "you dont need to! stay clean! Be a good kid!" I wont be smoking weed. Im not going to fuck this up as well. It's been a little more then 6 months now. I just need a vacation I guess. Fuck. Im exhausted.

Sorry. This day has just had this whole negative vibe that I cant beat. My friends are starting to notice that something isnt ok. Which sucks because I dont want to talk about all of this mom coming out BS. One of my good friends siad I was being mean lately and I felt really bad because I didnt mean to be. I have just been going threw some shit... Yah you know what I'm talking about.

Im going to go do homework now. Fun...


Octavius said...

"you dont need to! stay clean! Be a good kid!"

That is some pretty good advice..., of course there is always the good ole "Mental health day".

Courage and Honour!


afk4life said...

tbh I think there's somewhere in between the two. From reading your blog somehow it doesn't seem like being a good kid is anything more than just your nature. You can only push yourself so hard, you know, don't be so hard on yourself just do your best. I do think you should find someone you can talk to bout the whole coming out thing cos stress over that isn't helping matters at all. Just be yourself, for yourself, treat others like you wanna be treated, that's all you can do really, and make your own time for just you, hell, make yourself your favorite food once a week or something and hide for a bit to enjoy it.

Helga Vonlunch-Box said...

I remember the days when I needed drugs
just to get me through the day...It was
getting so bad...I was having to take more
and more just to make things 'look' brighter
on the other side...A major event took
place in my life when I was just a little
older then you and it changed my whole
outlook on life and the way I wanted to
I'm glad you are 'clean' now and I hope
you will stay that way...



mikey said...

hey i toly know the right things to tell u cause im there wit u and week, none for me since july so we can be in it together. man its hard to be around people smokin but so far ive toughed it out. u need a vacation and to talk to someone .. cant help wit the first part but can wit the second. let me know


Dzyan said...

Sounds much like my day, of course, without the weed and with more work, sucks, still, really brave of you quitting pot, that takes strength, Congratulations! you must be stronger than you think you are. I´m with you on that vacation proposal, let´s scape together.


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