You Guy's Are Amazing!! (I PLACED IN THE TALENT SHOW!)

on Wednesday, November 4, 2009
You guy's really did help me a lot with the advice and the caring comments. I just dont want to loose it. I dont want to break down and cry. So, for now, I'm going to keep it inside. I will have that conversation with her. Then, if it ends up the way I'm expecting, I'll let myself brake down.

You see I'm a REALLY smart kid. I have prepared myself mentally for all of this. I made sure to be 10 steps ahead of her. So when that conversation went down and I realized that my mom would never be able to look at me the same way, I didn't flip. I was mad, sad, shocked, pissed, and hurt but I didn't flip shit. I made sure that if one day she would stop loving me, it wouldn't hurt as much as it should. So it didn't.

On a brighter note... I got 3rd place in the talent show! My parent's weren't there but I dont really care. I didn't want then there anyway. I'm not as excited as I should be. I'm not excited because I can't be. No one in the right state of mind can be happy right now if they are going threw what I am. I played it off at school though. There was only one time when someone asked if something was wrong. Only one of my friends knows what happened and that's cause she is a lesbian and gets it.

So that's about it. I'm staying as strong as I can be. I will have that conversation with my mom soon. Probably tomorrow night. I'll let you know what happens. Good night guys...

6 comments:

Mr. HCI said...

Congratulations!

Um . . . what's your talent? I don't recall you ever saying. Surely you didn't stand on stage and write a blog entry.

:-P

Octavius said...

I wish you all the good luck in the world.

Courage and Honour!

Octavius.

Helga Vonlunch-Box said...

I'm so proud of you!!!! I wish I had
been there to see you :)

Honey...It doesn't hurt to break down and
cry every now and then...It's good for your
body to release the stress and tension you
hold when you're upset or just feeling down...
I notice things about the students at school
that they don't think I do...It's hard to
not know when a child is feeling down...

I send you HUGS and the best of luck always!!!

HUGS!!

Laurie

Dodger said...

John,
It's so bad to hear about your Mom. Parents are supposed to love us how we are. I gather she is disappointed because you can't go to the college she wants you too and now also suspects you're gay? Does she have your whole life planned out including who you date, and when to have grandkids? WTF! It sounds like a sitcom. I'm sorry, I really feel for you.
Dodger

David said...

Laurie's absolutely right: let yourself cry. Yes, it hurts, and, yes, it feels like you've "lost control," but, it really is a good thing. It really says that you ARE in control: you can accept the very human emotions, deal with them appropriately, learn from each and every experience, and, move on to the next thing life throws at us.

Having someone to vent to is also a good thing, even if it's just this virtual space. It's amazing how many caring, compassionate folks are out there.

Great job on the talent show, too. What was your performance?

cvn70 said...

John

hugs, i hope it gets better and there are no easy ways to tell your parents or have them ask you

take care and be safe

bob

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