Something Is Wrong...

on Wednesday, January 20, 2010
First I promised a friend Sam I would plug his blog. Check him out. He is new and needs a few followers:

I couldnt edit today. I sat there and watched it threw one time taking notes and then I stopped myself. I dont know why but I just couldnt. The focus was kind of there and so were the ideas but I couldnt do it. Its not that I got distracted or bored or lazy. I just felt like it was not the right time. So I stopped. I think I need to get myself into a state of the viewer. Something I feel I havent completely mastered just yet. So here is what im going to do. I need to be the character and not the editor or producer or anything else. I need to tell my story as if i was the character. How would i place it then.

This is my curse. Im NEVER satisfied with anything I do. Weather it be graphic/web design or if its a song I wrote. For some reason I am never satisfied. I look at it and I want more. I want it to be perfect. The very definition of perfect. I know that it cant be because thats impossible but I guess my brain dont know that.

Im struggling right now. Im not going to lie. Im down. Way down. Far lower then I should be. For some reason my mind/body are not in sync with each other. I dont know why or how it happened but for some reason I am not myself. Im going to go to sleep in a second. Its 11pm here. I cant even tell you guys whats wrong. I cant explain it. It just is. Something is wrong.

Im depressed. =[


Anonymous said...

So does that make you a bloody perfectionist, then?

Thanks for pointing us to Sam - I've been to say hello.

Anonymous said...

Creativity brings with it a more volatile set of emotions. Getting through those and learning to ride the wave rather than getting drenched is the key. (old surfer paradigm)

Sam said...

thank you very much for giving me a shout! I really appreciate it!

About your feelings...
Man, I tell you from personal experience that this is a very normal thing to feel. I personally am also a perfectionsite per se. and I am helpless about it. But it's not that bad actually if u look at it from a different angle; it simpply means that u work hard and u r passionate about u're doing.
You will never be fully satisified with your work.. and no matter how great of an achievement people think you've done, you will feel as if it was not that much of a big deal...
WHY? because you were able to do it!! it just happens that when humans overcome something (no matter how hard it's been) they directly forget about the pain and the hard work and feel as if it was a piece of cake that anyone beside them could have done it. As a matter of fact that is not true. You did it because u r good at it! and u put so much effort into it! So it's OK to be perfectionist and not to be satisfied with one's achievement but you should always remember to praise yourself for whatever you could come out with and acknowledge the fact that you did something after all that no one did before (no mater how small the deed is or seems to you)

Sorry for writing this much!

Take care buddy!

John Doe said...

@Micky: maybe. I guess you could call it that. but not at everything. Only at certain things. School isnt one of them lol

@ceepeeca: you and your big words... lol =p

@Sam: thanks for writing so much lol I took that to heart! thanks =p

Anonymous said...

@John - yeah, guess I am sort of a word nazi. never got used to real simple english after getting my degree. mind you, we sorta live and die by the words we use, so maybe some big ones here and there work.

Jason Carwin said...

John Doe, it sounds like you demand and expect perfection, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Sure, it can lead to disappointment, but it's not inherently bad to have high expectations.

However, you may be feeling depression if you think you are. For me, depression was characterized by a lack of will to act. I knew I needed to act, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything. Of course, there were other symptoms, but this seems like the closest to what you're describing.

Check out that picture. It was done 450 years ago by Albrech Durer. It's called Melancholy, which is basically depression. I found that picture comforting because it showed that someone else had gone through the same thing. There's a lot of symbolism in it. Can you find it all?

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